- You know, I'm afraid of robots.
(audience laughing)
Yeah, I saw one get interviewed on "60 Minutes",
the top journalistic program in the United States.
And he's just sitting there, getting interviewed,
not nervous at all, just rattling off
all the fucking answers. (audience laughs)
You know, not smoking, not fucking, you know,
leaking oil, whatever you would do
as a nervous robot, right? (audience laughing)
And the reporter's asking him questions,
in the end he goes,
"So tell us, he's like, what are your goals?".
And I am alone in a hotel room,
and I literally lean towards the TV, I'm like,
did these fucking things have goals?
(audience laughing)
And the fucking robot just answers, he just goes,
"Well, what are your goals?", and the robot goes,
"To become smarter than human beings".
Yeah, and the reporter just blows by it,
he's like, "Okay, and,
"what's your favorite color?". (audience laughing)
Meanwhile, I'm standing on my bed yelling at the TV,
like, "Dude, unplug that fucking thing!
(audience laughing) "Take the batteries out!
"Pull the wires out, do something!"
How many sci-fi movies do you have to see
before you realize where this is going?
(audience laughing)
So anyways, every smart person,
every super smart person in the world,
is saying these fucking things are gonna kill us.
Even your boy here, the guy who, he recently died.
What was his name?
He was always sitting down.
(audience laughing)
Hawkins, Stephen Hawkins, yeah!
Too good to fucking stand up and make his point,
just sitting down all fucking sparmy.
(audience laughing) (comedian laughing)
Oh, I care so much, I poured ice on myself!
Ah. (audience laughing)
And I showed off my abs at the same time, for the 'gram!
Nah, I'm just fucking with you.
I am so glad that guy's fucking dead, though.
You know? (audience laughing)
Look at you guys, your heart,
how much longer do you want him to suffer?
You don't believe in an afterlife?
Maybe he's up there now, his fucking legs work,
he's getting an angelic blowjob,
how much longer do you want him to fucking sit there
so you can feel better about yourself?
Well, at least I'm not all fucking twisted up,
saying smart shit, right? (audience laughing)
I couldn't fucking stand that guy.
(audience laughing) (comedian laughs)
He was so fucking negative,
he never had anything positive to say!
Hey Steve, what have you got for us today?
"In 2035 there'll be no more apples."
Thank you, Steve,
thanks a lot! (audience laughing)
Wasn't thinking about that, now I am.
Hey, so what's the solution?
"It's too late, we needed to try 40 years ago."
Thanks a lot buddy, I'm gonna go cry with my child now!
Dude I could hang out with that guy for about three minutes
before I took the brake off his chair and just
zoomed him into the other world.
Hey Steve, come back here when you got something
dumb and positive to say! (audience laughing)