I'm not the only one trying to teach the
nation how to cook there are loads of
chefs at it the number of cookery
courses available in the UK has
increased by 70% in 10 years it's a
multi-million pound industry so I'm
going to road test the schools to see
what's on offer and to see what I can
get away with I don't want any special
treatments so the only way to do this is
to go undercover later I'll be getting a
whole new face but first I need to
develop a new persona time for some
acting lessons hello great lovers they
better not make me pretend to be a
[ __ ] tree it's a big challenge for
Gordon to move away from his physicality
he's very pronounced obvious gestures
direct punchy will be taking you from
this kind of circle which is where all
your gestures tend to be and saying okay
from now on no gestures above this line
in the body so it'd be like imagining
there was an invisible shield yes yeah
you're turning me into a winner
the aim of the training is to transform
me into James I wonder if it's possible
for a 61 year old retired teacher from
Edinburgh the [ __ ] stage - time for
something you've always wanted a
facelift my Craigie forehead is a dead
giveaway so I've had some
state-of-the-art prosthetics made from a
cast of my head and why that's [ __ ]
wrinkly we've taken the cast's abroad so
that everything is designed to fit
Gordon's face exactly so it should move
and respond to react with Gordon's face
these guys are experts and make all the
monsters on Doctor Who
after two hours in makeup my face feels
completely alien I'm not totally
convinced by my new persona so before I
go face to face with Britain's top cooks
I want to try out my accent on a friend
of 15 years my name is James balls
rumbled part 1 stuffed
part 2 I'm off to John Kristoff the
vellus he's a big French bastard that no
one can really understand but he really
think he's a big hit with the ladies in
a a bit of a smoother so I'm off to have
some fun and to see what can really get
away with I've known JC for years and
used to work alongside him there's gonna
be a tall order to get this one right
the Novelli Academy course costs 250
quid and is an intimate affair for up to
16 students for that price you get to
spend six hours of the hartfordshire
Academy enjoying demonstrations and
tastings with a nation's favorite French
chef
I'm about to go in and I'm absolutely
breaking myself now the experts say that
the first five minutes of respects are
the most dangerous time so I hope the
[ __ ] I don't get caught
James this minute as I or James gets
acquainted with these fellow students
the man himself arrives and starts to
introduce himself to the group
sorry and you see schemes [ __ ] I know
they do it you start I think I know who
you are should you have Gotham you are
golden arms it for [ __ ] sake so
annoying really annoying I can't believe
you followed me so early at least let me
get into the course a little bit you
should realize that I will split you so
doing oh no I didn't know you could
[ __ ] sniff me out like that yeah
maybe after the starter or maybe not
because you smell he's playing and he's
got legs like a gladiator I
congratulations yeah big smile you know
[Music]
damn damn damn damn fish fanatic
al-ghazali is my next target the cheeky
little bastard said maybe one day I'd
learn how to cook properly well now he's
got a chance to teach me so I'm going
undercover to road-test these cook
recourse to have a bit of fun and to see
what I can get away with Lily's course
cost 3 million fifty two pounds and on
it you learn how to make stock different
types of pasta and how to prepare and
cook fish Jonah come and see a piercer
good night Jenny McCallum come up here I
can't wait to learn some these things
today to get on this course for
beginners I've told him on a novice but
will he notice that as really an
award-winning chef in his kitchen time
for a bit of fun and the other clue mix
too many colors into the stock too many
color vegetable the stocks overheating
so I take the matter in hand
Willy twig I think it's really okay he's
impressed but oblivious brilliant
next up lilies shown is how he makes
pasta now it's our turn
finally I want a course where I get to
make something so this is when you've
added too much flour so quickly okay so
it's really hard so he thinks his crap
does he time for a second clue well he
spot that his mission start has to be
made right under his nose never make
Buster before they're lower effective
cheer we've got round limey even after
all that he hasn't clicked
come on Aldo to housing and the course
moves on to sillies favorite fish we've
got to prepare our own plates of fish
for cooking let's see what he makes of
this surely he'll smell something fishy
when I finished before most of the
others have even begun school I that no
I yes
thank you he's never done it before so
the nice use so I'll dismiss the true
yet again or has he looks like he's dead
are you sure he hasn't seen these dad
I'm about to get rumbled time to come
clean
mister with it a little bit of Gordon
Ramsay would season them good the
removal season them how I seize enough
to cop the cooking because I don't like
salt I can't eat too much salt and good
couldn't go to Randy he's a [ __ ]
nightmare and so are you
Jeannot Jeannot Jeannot I've known you
since you were standing there a thank
you too I can today to learn something
and you've learned nothing I've learned
[ __ ] holes keep it on you look much
better
st. Delia at her dinner party delights
course she's not my biggest fan
so if I pull this off I'm gonna have a
lot of fun actually at 130 pounds these
courses one of the cheaters are found
and caters for 90 yes at a beloved
Norwich City football ground for that
price you get a 3-hour demonstration of
six courses followed by a three-course
dinner wine tasting and a meet-and-greet
with a legend herself with my track
record being what it is I've enlisted
the help of comedian John Thompson Delia
Smith is more than a cook she's a
national treasure who will attend the
course under the pretense he's filming a
new channel for Food Show I can't wait
to get up close and personal with Delia
but first I have to sit through a food
demonstration by a colleague Alex Makai
with no sign of her where does she come
in ready steady [ __ ] oh please alex is
testing this new element of the course
out on Jon
before it's introduced in the new year
I've given John a bag full of packaged
ingredients as recommended in Delia's
recent book held to cheat frozen mashed
potato minced lamb it's in tamed fried
onions great with a stocking great
stocking filler
people over I think I can do something
all this they sure know what I'm going
to use them then it's time for a
three-course meal with wine tasting
she's missed the food but just in time
for the booze
Delia arrives for a QA I'd like to ask
if you've got any special suggestions
for green tomatoes because at this rate
I'll be lucky to get a question in but
I'm keen to guerrilla on a recent
corner-cutting controversy sheet I hope
you don't make me ask him but yes
because some of the chefs on television
some of these things like master chef
making everybody in the country feel
cooking is something you know you can't
do so that's the reason I did that book
so it's all masters yes fault but before
I leave I want to get up close and
personal with the woman herself time for
an autograph
I was this close when Novelli nobbled me
can I pull it off this time I'm so close
I can smell her hair
your biggest obviously enjoy cooking
especially thank you
brilliant I did it right this is it I'm
on my way into the Bristol City ground
where Norwich are playing away today
they're now send dealers gonna be
watching so I have two quite nice sort
of nabber on the way out and it's time
for me to tell her who the real James
winter is but personally I'm [ __ ]
myself she's liable to hit me the
[ __ ] tenements oh no I've lost she's
not going to be happy how are you I'm
here to say thank you to give you
presents for dinner parties delights I
had the most amazing time yeah yeah I'm
gonna press play and have a look now
you'll recognise me I thought your
dinner parties delayed cost I thought
was amazing in fact so inspired I feel
like Gordon Ramsay how I did you amazing
I'm the 12th man let's be having you I
had a fabulous time