>> Reggie: ALL RIGHT, TIME TO PARTY, TIME TO, WHATEVER IT IS
THAT YOU LIKE TO DO AT THIS TIME T IS PRETTY LATE.
James: GOOD EVENING LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME TO
"THE LATE LATE SHOW."
THANKS FOR STAYING UP WITH US.
LET'S SEE WHO OUR GUESTS ARE ON THE SHOW TONIGHT, HE'S A
GRAMMY-NOMINATED STAND-UP COMEDIAN, PODCAST HOST, AND THE
STAR AND CREATOR OF "F IS FOR FAMILY" ON NETFLIX AND "IMMORAL
COMPASS" ON ROKU, THE ALWAYS HILARIOUS, BILL BURR BILL!
IS ON THE SHOW TONIGHT.
THERE HE IS.
>> HOW ARE YOU.
>> James: HOW ARE YOU, BILL, ARE YOU WELL?
>> THANK YOU FOR REMINDING ME OF MY GRAMMY LOSS.
>> James: I DIDN'T WRITE THAT BIT.
>> HE WAS THIS CLOSE.
SORRY.
>> James: WE DO DO THAT A LOT, WE DO SAY, YOU KNOW, THIS PERSON
WAS NOMINATED.
I HAVE NEVER EVER THOUGHT WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE REMINDED.
>> BROUGHT ME RIGHT BACK TO THAT MOMENT.
>> James: YEAH.
>> I'M GOING TO BOMB WHEN I GET OUT THERE, I'M GOING TO BE SO
SAD.
(LAUGHTER) IS THIS WHAT YOU DO TO YOUR
GUESTS?
>> James: I DO.
I DO THINK.
>> YOU KNOW, I ONCE FLUNKED MATH IN 11th GRADE, COULD YOU
HAVE BROUGHT THAT UP TOO, RUINED MY SUMMER, I HAD TO GO TO SUMMER
SCHOOL, NO, I'M KIDDING.
>> James: I THINK YOU MAKE A VERY VALID POINT, I DO, I DO.
>> Reggie: IT IS LIKE SAYING GRAMMY LOSER.
>> James: DON'T MAKE IT WORSE, ROB.
>> NO, I LIKE THAT GUY.
THERE'S SO LITTLE HONESTY IN THE WORLD.
GRAMMY LOSER, BILL BURR ON THE SHOW TONIGHT.
>> James: WELL, YOU ARE A WINNER IN OUR EYES, BILL, AND
THAT'S THE TRUTH.
>> THAT WAS WORSE THAN LOSING THE GRAMMY.
YOU'RE ALWAYS WELCOME HERE, BILL, WHEN THE REST OF SHOW
BUSINESS WON'T HAVE YOU.
>> James: I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO GO I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO GO,
ROB, HE LIKES YOU, HE DOESN'T LIKE ME, YOU INSULT HIM AGAIN,
ROB, SAY SOMETHING REALLY BAD?
>> BILL BURR, EVERYBODY.
EVERYBODY.
>> ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU, SEE IN A FEW.
HE'S TALENTED ACTOR, WRITER, AND
PRODUCER YOU KNOW FROM "A.P. BIO," "FARGO," AND
"IT'S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA," THE MIGHTY, GLENN
HOWERTON!
IS HERE TONIGHT.
>> YEAH, OH HI.
>> James: ZEN, HOW ARE YOU.
>> I'M GOOD.
>> James: HOW NICE TO SIGH, HOW ARE YOU DOING.
>> I'M DOING GREAT, HEY, LISTEN, I GOT FOOD IN HERE, SNACKS,
DRINKS, DO YOU NEED ANYTHING WHEN I COME OUT?
>> James: REQUEST I BE HONEST.
>> YEAH.
>> James: I WOULD LIKE A DRINK.
>> OKAY.
>> James: I NORMALLY HAVE A DRINK ON A THURSDAY.
I'M GOING OUT TONIGHT SO YEAH, A LITTLE TEQUILA ON THE ROCKS
WOULD BE BEAUTIFUL.
>> TEQUILA ROCKS, OKAY, YOU GOT IT, PAL.
>> James: WHAT A GUY.
GLEN HOWERTON, EVERYBODY.
AND LATER IN THE SHOW WE HAVE MUSIC FROM MEGHAN TRAINOR.
SO STICK AROUND FOR THAT.
M TRAIN, HERE WE ARE, NIGHT FIVE OF HANUKKAH.
HAPPY HANUKKAH TO ALL WHO CELEBRATE.
NIGHT FIVE, IAN, HOW DO-- WHAT ARE THE PLANS FOR WEEKEND?
HOW DO WE CELEBRATE THE LAST FEW NIGHT, WHAT DO WE DO.
>> THE ONLY WAY TO WIND DOWN THE LAST FEW NIGHTS OF HANUKKAH IS
BY GOING TO GO TO CICI'S BIRTHDAY.
>> James: THAT'S IT.
GOING TO GO OFF.
>> YEAH.
>> James: GOING TO GO OFF.
>> YEAH.
>> YOU ARE DJING, RIGHT, TOM.
>> PLEASE ADDRESS ME BY MY DJ NAME, DJ CRY FOR HELP.
>> Reggie: BEAUTIFUL.
>> James: DJ CRY FOR HELP TRNTION BEING TO GO OFF, HOLIDAY
PARTY IS NEXT WEEK OR WEEK AFTER.
>> NEXT WEEK.
>> James: WHEN.
>> WEDNESDAY, WEDNESDAY NIGHT, BIG, POPPIN' OFF.
>> BIG PARTY NIGHT, WHEN.
>> James: CAN I MAKE A PREDICTION, MI GOING TO GET
ABSOLUTELY OFF MY NUTS.
>> YEAH.
>> James: ON WEDNESDAY NIGHT.
DON'T KNOW WHY I, I CAN FEEL IT, I GOT TO CUT LOOSE.
IS YOU GOING TO GO OFF WEDNESDAY NIGHT.
>> I'M GOING OFF ON SATURDAY NIGHT AND THEN GOING OFF AGAIN
ON WEDNESDAY.
>> James: HUNDRED PERCENT, HUNDRED PERCENT.
>> YEAH.
>> I NEED TO LET LOOSE TOO.
>> James: DO YOU KNOW WHAT I ANY WE SHOULD DO AS A GROUP, AN
ABSOLUTE COMMITMENT TO DANCE, RIGHT, DON'T YOU THINK?
I BOOKED A DJ.
>> THERE IS A DJ.
>> James: FEEL FREE TO SPIN SOME-- DON'T BE SHY, WE CAN GET
THAT DJ GO AT ANY POINT.
LOUIE, YOU GOING TO STEP ON THE DECK, GOING TO STEP ON THE DECK.
>> SURE, WHY NOT.
, YEAH, I'LL DO IT.
>> James: WHO'S THIS GUY?
WHO IS THIS GUY?
YOU HAVE GOT TO GET SOME CONSISTENCY HERE, THE AUDIENCE
DON'T KNOW WHERE THEY ARE WITH YOU.
LAST NIGHT YOU WERE IN SUNGLASSES.
YOU ARE LAID BACK.
YOU LOOKED LIKE YOU HAD DONE, YOU KNOW, YOU HAD EATEN 15 WEED
GUMIES.
TONIGHT YOU LOOK LIKE A COLLEGE PROFESSOR WHO IS WONDERING
WHETHER OR NOT TO DJ.
>> KEEP YOU ON YOUR TOES, MATE.
>> James: KEEP ME ON MY TOES.
>> YEAH.
>> James: WHAT WAS THE NIGHT YOU USED TO HOLD IN LONDON, WHAT
WAS IT CALLED.
>> SHIMMY SHEWOB EMS.
>> James: SHIMMY SHE BZ WOBLS, LOU USED TO HAVE A NIGHT,
ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC IT REALLY WAS A GREAT.
>> I WILL PLAY SOME TUNE Z.
JONATHAN: WELL WE HAVE A BIG WEEKEND, WIG WEEK BECAUSE WE'RE
DOING THE CHRISTMAS PARTY THE NIGHT OF OUR THOUSANDth
SHOW, RIGHT?
>> YEAH THOUSAND SHOW ON WEDNESDAY, HOLIDAY PARTY THAT
NIGHT, IT IS GOING TO BE AN ABSOLUTELY WASHOUT, DIDN'T YOU
SLEEP HERE ONCE AFTER A HOLIDAY PARTY.
>> YES, I DID.
>> James: WHY DID YOU SLEEP.
>> IN THE LEATHER COUCH ON THE RIDER'S ROOM AND WOKE UP AT 4
A.M. AND A BUNCH OF THE LEFTOVER PASTA WAS STILL IN THE KITCHEN
AND YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN SOMEONE EAT SO MANY CALORIES SO FAST.
I WAS LIKE SOMEONE PACKING BAGS IN A HURRY.
LIKE-- .
>> James: SOMEONE FLEEING A COUNTRY.
>> YEAH.
LIKE JUST GRAB WHAT YOU CAN.
>> THE EMBASSY WAS COLLAPSING AND THERE WAS ONE LAST
HELICOPTER OUT.
AND I WAS LIKE-- .
>> James: WELL LOOK, THAT'S ALL TO COME.
WE CAN'T MAKE IT TO THE WEEKEND WITHOUT DOING, WHAT IS OUR
SACRED DUTY AS THE NATION'S LONE VOICE OF REASON.
IN AN OVERPOP LATED, MONEY-DRIVEN, NEWS ENVIRONMENT
THAT IS THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, CORPORATE CONGLOMERATE
PUSHING THEIR AGENDA.
THIS IS THE ONLY PLACE YOU WILL FIND THE NEWS.
WHAT ARE YOU DRINKING THERE, STEVE?
>> THERE IS A LIME IN HERE.
(LAUGHTER) THERE SAY LITTLE SODA WATER IN
HERE.
AND JUST A WEENSIE BIT INVOLVE CA.
>> James: HEY!
JUST BECOME A BUNCH OF ABSOLUTE ABSOLUTE DEGENERATES.
WHAT HAS HAPPENED.
DOESN'T MATTER, WE WILL BURN THAT BRIDGE ANOTHER DAY.
HERE IS THE NEWS.
CONGRESS HAS UNTIL MIDNIGHT TOMORROW TO PASS A NEW
RESOLUTION TO KEEP THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT FUNDED.
BUT REPUBLICAN SENATORS ARE THREATENING TO DELAY THE VOTE,
WHICH COULD CAUSE A WEEKEND SHUTDOWN OF THE GOVERNMENT.
REPUBLICANS HAVE A VERY GOOD EXCUSE, THOUGH.
IT'S BECAUSE (POUTING)
WE DON'T WANNA.
WE'RE NOT DOING IT, NO WAY.
ACTUALLY REPUBLICANS WANT TO DEFUND
BIDEN'S VACCINE MANDATE.
OH YEAH, REPUBLICANS FAMOUSLY HATE TELLING PEOPLE WHAT TO DO
WITH THEIR BODIES.
I'M NOT SURE I UNDERSTAND THIS.
I DON'T THINK I UNDERSTAND THIS.
REPUBLICANS WANT UNVACCINATEED EMPLOYEES TO BE ABLE TO WORK, SO
THEIR SOLUTION IS, TO NOT LET GOVERNMENT EMPLOYEES BE ABLE TO
WORK.
YEP, MAKES SENSE.
IN OTHER NEWS, THE BIDEN ADMINISTRATION IS TIGHTENING UP
TRAVEL RESTRICTIONS-- AND ARE NOW EXTENDING THE REQUIREMENT
FOR TRAVELERS TO WEAR MASKS ON AIRPLANES, TRAINS, AND BUSES
THROUGH MID-MARCH.
THIS ISN'T FAIR SAID THE PEOPLE WHO ARE THE REASON THIS IS STILL
HAPPENING.
MASK MANDATES FOR TRAVELERS WILL CONTINUE THROUGH MARCH.
SO IF YOU KNOW ANY FLIGHT ATTENDANTS, A GOOD HOLIDAY GIFT
MIGHT BE DUCT ND A SET OF BRASS KNUCKLES.
PERSONALLY, I'M WEARING A MASK ON AIRPLANES FOREVER.
IN THE FOR THE HEALTH AND SAFETY, I LIKE THE IDEA OF
SITTING DOWN AND PEOPLE ARE LIKE WHO IS THAT
WHO'S THAT BLUE EYED, BLONDE HAIRED GREEK GOD BOARDING MY
FLIGHT?
CHRIS PINE?
RYAN GOSLING?
NO.
IT'S JAMES CORDEN.
I DON'T KNOW.
MOVING ON, THE CEREAL COMPANY KELLOGG'S HAS REACHED A
TENTATIVE AGREEMENT WITH UNION REPRESENTATIVES, ENDING ONE OF
THE NATION'S HIGHEST-PROFILE LABOR DISPUTES.
NOW THEY JUST NEED TO HURRY AND SIGN THE AGREEMENT BEFORE IT
GETS SOGGY.
KELLOGG SAYS IT HAS A DEAL WITH THE UNION THAT COULD END ITS
TWO-MONTH STRIKE.
THE ONLY FLIES IN THE OINTMENT ARE SNAP, CRACKLE AND POP, WHO
ARE ALL HARD-LINE COMMUNISTS.
THAT'S TRUE, THAT SOUNDS LIKE A YOLK, THAT IS GENUINELY TRUE.
I'M GLAD TO HEAR THIS DISPUTE AT KELLOGG'S IS GETTING RESOLVED,
BECAUSE I'M SO SICK OF EATING OFF-BRAND, PELICAN FRUIT
CIRCLES.
(LAUGHTER) WHAT IS THE MOST OVERRATED
BREAKFAST FOOD, FOR YOU WITHIN WAFFLES.
>> James: I'M WITH YOU ON THAT.
>> CONTROL YOURSELF.
>> James: I'M WITH YOU.
ALSO, NOW I'M IN AMERICA, I KNOW IT IS NOT MY PLACE TO SAY, THIS
I KNOW I'M A GUEST HERE AND VERY GRATEFUL FOR EVERYTHING THIS
COUNTRY HAS GIVEN ME.
(LAUGHTER) , PANCAKES.
>> YES.
>> James: NOT FOR ME.
>> AGREE.
>> HERE IS WHAT I THINK.
>> James: WAIT UP, WAIT UP, HERE IT COMES, PROFESSOR
WEYMOUTH HAS GOT SOMETHING TO THROW INTO THIS.
>> I JUST WANT TO PICK SOMETHING, I THINK, I THINK
WE SHOULD EAT DESSERT FOR BREAKFAST, YEAH, WHAT I AM
SAYING IS THAT WE ARE FLIRTING WITH IT ANYWAY.
>> James: YOU ARE RIGHT.
>> WE ARE FLIRTING WITH IT, WHY NOT JUST COME OUT AND [BLEEP] DO
T HAVE A DESSERT FOR BREAKFAST, APPLE PIE AND ICE CREAM AND JUST
ADMIT WHAT YOU WANT.
AND THEN YOU'VE GOT THE REST OF THE DAY TO WORK IT OFF.
>> James: TO GO SAVORY.
>> DO WHAT YOU WANT.
>> ames: LOOK, I'VE HAD ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST.
I DON'T KNOW IF I WILL BE LIKE OOH.
>> SUGARY MILK.
>> James: COOLHOUSE.
>> MOLTEN BROWN IS MY FAVORITE ICE CREEK BUT I DON'T KNOW IF I
WANT IT AT BREAKFAST TIME, DO YOU KNOW?
>> YEAH, I WANT TO GO DOWN THIS ROAD BUT I FEEL LIKE SOCIETY HAS
BROUGHT US TO WHERE DESSERT IS AT THE END OF THE DAY FOR A
REASON.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS.
I JUST NEED TO BE ABLE TO LOOK AT MYSELF IN THE MORNING AND
KNOW I DIDN'T JUST EAT A QUARTER OF A PIE.
YOU KNOW WHAT THE PANCAKE SOLUTION IS.
>> James: GO ON.
>> THE PANCAKE SOLUTION IS YOU GO OUT TO BREAKFAST FOR WITH A
FEW PEOPLE, GET A PLATE FOR THE TABLE, LIKE-- .
>> James: LIKE THE EQUIVALENT OF A BOWL OF FRIES.
>> YES.
AND THEN YOU DIP IN, A LITTLE BIT OF PANCAKE, JUST ENOUGH,
BACK TO YOUR OMELET, BACK TO YOUR VAMMABLE.
>> James: THE AVOCADO ON TOAST.
>> THANK YOU.
>> James: WHAT WE ARE SAYING IS PANCAKES SHOULD NEVER BE
ORDERED SOLO.
THEY ARE SOLELY FOR THE TABLE.
AND THAT IS IT.
DONE.
>> THANK YOU.
>> DID EVERYBODY HEAR ABOUT MEDITATION APP CALLED GUIDED BY
GLOW, THAT BRINGS, THAT BRINGS BRINGS LISTENERS TO ORGASM BY
INDUCING THEM INTO A STATE OF EXTREME RELAXATION.
THIS IS TRUE, AFTER BREATHING EXERCISES, THE NARRATOR
INSTRUCTS THE LISTENER TO START SENSUALLY TOUCHING THEMSELVES.
SO, IT'S A PHONE SEX LINE.
IT'S A PHONE SEX LINE.
AN APP FOR ACHIEVING ORGASM.
PERSONALLY, I USE THE PARAMOUNT+ APP.
I DO."
BLUE BLOODS ," I DON'T WATCH T I JUST LISTEN IT
IT'S CALLED GUIDED BY GLOW.
AND IT ALLOWS USERS TO SINK INTO A DEEPLY RELAXED STATE SIMPLY BY
PUSHING PLAY AND ALLOWING THE APP TO HELP BLOCK OUT ALL THE
NOISE, FROM YOUR HUSBAND'S CALL OF DUTY GAME ONE ROOM OVER.
AND HERE'S SOMETHING FUN FOR PEOPLE WHO LOVE THE MOVIE "HOME
ALONE."
THE ICONIC HOUSE FROM THE MOVIE WILL BE AVAILABLE TO RENT ON
AIRBNB FOR ONE NIGHT THIS MONTH.
YOU HAD ME AT ALONE.
WHERE DO I SIGN UP?
HERE ARE SOME OF THE PHOTOS FROM THE LISTING:
LOOK AT THAT.
THE HOUSE LOOKS EXACTLY THE SAME I HAVEN'T SEEN ANYTHING IN
HOLLYWOOD AGE THIS WELL SINCE PAUL RUDD.
AND IF YOU MISS OUT ON STAYING AT THE HOME ALONE HOUSE, AIRBNB
IS ALSO OFFERING FANS A ONE-DAY-ONLY CHANCE TO COOK METH
IN THE HOUSE FROM BREAKING BAD.
AND FINALLY, A EUROPEAN ROBOTICS COMPANY IS OFFERING
TWO-HUNDRED-THOUSAND DOLLARS, FOR YOUR FACE.
IT'S TRUE.
THE COMPANY WILL PAY YOU FOR THE RIGHTS TO USE YOUR FACE ON THEIR
NEWEST ROBOT.
HONESTLY?
BETTER THAN THE FUTURE I IMAGINED, WHERE THE ROBOTS JUST
HOLD YOU DOWN AND RIP YOUR FACE OFF.
IT'S A PRETTY GREAT OFFER.
AND THE ONLY CATCH IS THE ROBOT WILL TAKE OVER YOUR ENTIRE LIFE,
AND EVENTUALLY MAKE LOVE TO YOUR SPOUSE.
THEY'LL GIVE YOU TWO HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS FOR THE RIGHTS
TO YOUR FACE.
ANYWAY, LONG STORY SHORT, NEXT WEEK'S SHOWS WILL ALL BE HOSTED
BY, THE ALL NEW ELECTRO-CORDEN FIVE-THOUSAND.
NO, NO, I APPRECIATE THE APPLAUSE, I KNOW ARE YOU BEING
SUPPORTIVE, THAT GRAPHIC IN NO WAY WARRANTED WHAT-- I MEAN THAT
IS-- HAVE I GOT TO ASK HERE, AT 3 P.M. TODAY THEY WERE LIKE THE
GRAPHIC IS NOT READY, WE'RE STILL WORKING ON IT.
WORKING ON WHAT?
LOOK AT THAT.
WHAT LEVEL OF WORK DID THAT TAKE?
THAT'S A TERRIBLE WAY TO GO OUT ON A THURSDAY.
CAN SEM THE OLD DAY PARTY, IT'S DONE.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE "LATE LATE SHOW."