Stop using labels/introversion as an excuse
You’re not a real introvert.
If you were, you wouldn’t be here indirectly socializing with me and the thousands of other
people watching; you’d be alone somewhere.
I’m not a real introvert either, because if I were, then how could I possibly even
consider filming myself like this and make it public for the world to see?
Oh and the self-proclaimed introverted famous people like Emma Watson, Elon Musk and Clint
Eastwood who spend all that time in the spotlight?
Yeah, right.
Introvert my ass.
I’ve probably received a hundred comments of some version of this in my YouTuber lifetime.
Let’s talk about that… and a few other things.
Learning about introversion has helped me in three ways mainly: - it has helped me understand
myself - it has made me feel normal - it has helped me accept myself Oh and let’s do
a bonus one: it has opened up a world of memes that are quite enjoyable.
Those are all good things.
And they’re important.
But because I am the way I am and I like to question the heck out of things until I don’t
even know what to believe—I can’t help but wonder if this label that I’ve put on
myself, namely “introvert”, and if labels in general, have any downsides?
And I think that they could have; and I can think of two ways: - When they make us box
ourselves (and others) in - When we use that label as a safety blanket
When we box ourselves (and others) in
This could look something like “I’m an x person, so I like doing xyz and I am xyz,
because that’s what x people do and are.”
Taking it a step further is trying to box others in.
I see this happening quite often on social media with various -ist and -ism labels, where
some people will put on the role of the label-police.
It’s the whole “well, I’m doing x this way, which is the right way, and so that’s
how everyone else should be doing it too.”
But back to how we box ourselves in, because after all, that’s all we can control.
Now, why do we create this box?
I think that part of it is due to the media we consume, whether that’s memes or forums
or articles, where the idea of what and how said label means and is supposed to be lived,
is being reinforced in our minds.
It becomes the story that we tell ourselves, about ourselves, and how we’re supposed
to be.
Speaking of memes, let’s take it as an example.
I like memes.
A lot of people do.
I can get lost scrolling for way too long, nodding my head thinking “that’s so true”
and “that’s so me”.
So, let’s look at some introvert memes.
They’re all kinda funny, many of them feel relatable.
I’d say it’s harmless fun, something you look at for a second or two and then forget
about as you move on to the next one.
Now, we all know that memes are exaggerated and very stereotypical, but they’re also
often spot on.
So, for instance, what these memes tell us is that introverts avoid people, that we want
to stay at home, that we make excuses to avoid socializing, that we don’t like people and
so on.
Now, you may be thinking, “well, all of that is actually really what I’m like - I
don’t see the problem?”
In which case, that’s valid; there may not be a problem.
But I think it’s worth it to sometimes ask the question: Am I relating to this idea,
or am I reinforcing this idea? and if I’m reinforcing it, could that potentially be
a bad thing?
Here’s an example from my life.
There’s been times when I’ve been asked to go to a social event, where my default
attitude, without giving it any thought really, as if it were on autopilot, has been “I’m
not going”.
Why?
Because in my mind, I’m not someone who likes going to social events and I’m someone
who hates small talk and I’d rather stay at home.
Now, all of that may be fully true or partly true, but it may also not be, at least not
entirely.
It could just be the story that I’ve told myself about who I am and how I’m supposed
to be because of the label that I’ve put on myself.
Because if you tell yourself enough times that “I am this kind of person…” and
“I am not that kind of person…” then that’s exactly what you’ll be, or not
be.
So, I invite you to pick any of the labels you’ve put on yourself, and pick a scenario
like the example that I just gave, and ask yourself: Is this something you know for sure?
Or Is this a self-imposed belief, one that may not be entirely true?
When we use that label as a safety blanket
I loathe the idea of being viewed as some sort of victim in society and I strongly disagree
with the idea that introverts somehow are.
I will say however that western society, especially in schools and in the workplace, at least
in my days and in my experience, are mostly built for the extroverted person.
I remember at one of my work places, I liked taking 10 minute breaks, once a day, alone.
I’d sit on the sofa, eat some yoghurt and read some random stuff on my phone.
I thoroughly enjoyed those breaks.
Yet, my manager kept asking if I was okay, even though I explicitly said one time “I’m
just having my introvert recharge time”.
And I know it was well intended and I appreciated that, but it also made me feel like I was
weird for just wanting a few minutes alone.
If I had spent those 10 minutes chatting with colleagues, I would’ve never been questioned.
So, I can definitely see why, if you’re introverted, you may feel like you can’t
simply be yourself.
Now that’s only one of many, many examples.
Don’t even get me started on school.
But this is where I’d like to make an important distinction.
It could’ve also been the case that I took those 10 minute breaks because I felt too
anxious or scared to talk to anyone else, in which case, we would no longer be talking
about introversion.
Introversion says: I’m content with my solitude; I choose it.
Social anxiety says: I wish I could do x but I’m held back by fear.
So, in any situation, I think we should ask ourselves: is this a choice based on preference,
or is this a choice based on fear?
Should we bother with labels at all then?
So, to go back to the beginning of this video.
Actually, I can sit here and film myself for thousands of people to watch; I can go out
with friends and socialize, I can stand on stage, I can network, I can get my dream job.
I can also stay at home all day, not see anyone for a week, and take 10 minute solo breaks.
The point being, I can do whatever the hell I want to do and still be introverted.
But if I feel like I can’t, if I feel like this label that I’ve put on myself is somehow
holding me back, then I’d just ditch it.
I like when Eckhart Tolle said: “Give up defining yourself - to yourself or to others.
You won't die.
You will come to life.
And don't be concerned with how others define you.
When they define you, they are limiting themselves, so it's their problem.”
That’s my 2 cents.