There's some things that you should do and some things that you absolutely
should not do when you're wondering how to help a negative person become more
positive. When we're trying to help someone in our world who is kind of
negative to become more positive, the first thing I would encourage you to do
is start with the person inside your own skin. Start with you. Your example of
positivity is going to do much more than anything you could ever do to lecture or
try to teach or try to persuade or influence someone to become more
positive. Your example is huge. So, start with the person inside of your
own skin and make sure that you've got some skills in place around positivity.
Now, because you're here at Live On Purpose TV, I know you're probably
tracking this. There's a lot of videos especially in the personal development
playlist that will help you with that first tip. There's some things we got to
watch out for too. So, here's your first do not. Do not tell them that they need
to be more positive. Or label them as negative. This might already be an issue
especially as you're thinking about that person that came to mind when I
mentioned what this video is about. How to help a negative person become more
positive. You've already labeled them as negative.
Even though that's probably true, it's a little dangerous encounter productive.
Because that sets up a natural kind of defensiveness. It's almost like they're
guards going to come up even if you don't tell them out loud that you think
they're negative. Watch how you've labeled them in your own mind. The truth
of the matter is, they're people. They have updates, they have down days. They
have strengths, they have weaknesses. They're people.
Somehow their negativity has crept into your perception of them and it might be
because of your relationship with them or your role with them or whatever, a
recent experience that you've had. That's not the only thing about them however.
And for you to adjust your own perceptions will be a powerful way that
you could possibly have a greater influence in that area of their life
where they've been showing up as negative.
Here's another do. Do share. What has inspired you? This is a tricky one
sometimes because let's say that an episode of Live On Purpose TV has
inspired you to think in a more positive way. And awesome if it has. I'm honored to
be on your team. You might want to share that with the negative person which
there I go labeling them again as negative. You might want to share that
with the person that you have in mind. We don't want that to look like, "Oh, you
really need this." That's why I phrased it the way that I did. Share what has
inspired you. So, if there's an episode of Live On Purpose TV or maybe an episode
from Live On Purpose Radio, my podcast or anything else that you've been connected
to that is really inspiring to you, put it in the context of how it has assisted
you. "You know, I really loved this episode. It helped me to see some things about
how I was thinking that I hadn't noticed before." See, it has nothing to do with
them. When we share were being vulnerable. We're saying what has made a difference
for us. And helped us in our life and it's through our caring for that other
person that we want to share it in the first place.
Along those lines, let's go to the next do not make a list of things that they
should do. "You know, you SHOULD really listen to this podcast. You know,
you SHOULD really try to do this more or do that more or do this less or do that
less." When we give this list of shoulds then we become their mom or their drill
sergeant. You know, telling them all of these things that they should do. You
know how that affects you. Don't get yourself in a trap where you're doing
that to someone else that you care about. Another thing that you could try. This is
an experiment. Do a 5-day experiment where you for each of these 5 days,
practice sharing appreciation or gratitude for some specific thing about
that person. They might not be expecting this. In fact, they're probably not
expecting this. You're going to do it as an experiment. So, you just kind of slip
it in in the most natural way that you can where you mention a specific thing.
Not a general, "Oh, I appreciate you." No. What do you appreciate specifically? So,
it might be your coworker Alicia. And you say to Alicia, "You know Alicia, I really
appreciate the way you handled mr. Smith the other day in the office. I was so
impressed with that." Okay. That's a specific incident that you share with
her in terms of appreciation, you got it? What if it's your spouse? What if your
spouses is stuck in some kind of a negative funk of some kind? Well, pick
something that you appreciate. "Honey, thank you so much for that delicious
meal. That was awesome." And that counts. Do 5 of those in a row. 5 days in a
row where you're expressing appreciation. If
you really want to power it up, do like 2 or 3 things each day for 5
days. This is going to be really cool. In addition to the way this changes your
own mind about how you're thinking about that person, it's
also going to be really cool to see what impact it has on their behavior and
their attitudes. A little caution here about what I've just shared with you.
If you're doing it for the purpose of changing them, probably it's going to
backfire. Do it for the sole purpose of the experiment,
okay? The 5-day gratitude experiment where you're expressing appreciation
about specifics to that person. Just see what happens. One final thought that goes
on the don't do this list. Don't make a list of demands or instructions or
ultimatums for this person. You're not here to prescribe some kind of an
intervention or a cure for them. They will naturally resist that. Trust that if
you show up as the example and you're doing the gratitude experiment and
you're sharing things that have inspired and uplifted you toward a higher level
of positivity. As you're doing those things, they will naturally respond to
you in a different way this is something that in physics is known as sympathetic
resonance. And in music, we can observe that if you start a tuning fork, have you
seen these before? It's a metal fork shaped thing that you strike it and it
resonates with a particular tone. And if you start that ringing... Whatever pitch it
is. And you run that along the strings of a harp without touching the strings. The
one that's the same frequency will start to resonate with it. Sympathetic
resonance. Because it's on the same frequency and those waves vibrate.
It's attuned to that frequency. As you bring your own frequency up a level, the
people around you that are in your environment or surround you at work or
at home will be to resonate at a higher level too. This is
how we can naturally increase the positivity of the groups that we belong
to. And starts right there with you. Isn't that awesome? As we all work on this
together the positivity of our whole world can increase and especially as you
choose to share what you're learning here. Could you take a moment to share
this episode with someone who means a lot to you? I would appreciate that too.