♪♪
[audience cheering]
Come on, guys!
There's got to be some guys out there for us!
What about this one?
Is one of his pics a bathroom mirror selfie?
Yeah.
I'd swipe left.
Yeah.
Eh?
Both: No.
Eh?
No!
Eh?
Both: Wow.
That's a really cute dog.
Yeah.
That dog could be the one, Natalie.
He looks so sweet, like he'd take care of you.
Yeah.
But the guy braids his beard into his chest hair.
But the dog, Natalie!
The dog.
How does he move his head?
What if he doesn't bring the dog on the date?
Oh, she does have a point.
I once went on four dates with a guy,
hoping to meet his dog,
only to find out it was his mom's dog.
And he had a bird.
Both: Oh!
And he was part of ISIS.
What?
And he had a bird!
Oh, look at this guy!
Oh, is that his apartment?
That's an Anthropolgie coach, swipe right.
Oh, it looks so soft.
The rest of his pics are just of him
and not of the couch.
Come on, enhance!
Can you zoom in on the couch pic?
Enhance it, enhance it.
I just want to see if it's suede.
Mm.
I wish he wasn't shirtless on it,
I mean don't get your Cheeto sweat
on that velvet Anthropologie masterpiece.
Should I swipe right
just to tell him to take better care of his couch?
No, no.
What if he gets mad you aren't interested
and takes it out on the couch?
Right, think of the couch.
Yeah.
Why do guys always have to post shirtless pics?
And some of them try to be sneaky about it,
so they don't seem as shallow.
Shirtless while rock-climbing.
Shirtless while doing a hula dance at a children's charity?
Oh, shirtless while using his t-shirt
as a tourniquet for a bleeding deer?
Pass!
I see you, you just want me to see your gym bod, brah.
It's like, we get it, you have a torso!
Oh man.
You guys, this guy doesn't have a torso.
Both: Huh.
I'm swiping right.
Yeah, I would.
For sure.
Oh! Guys, guys, guys,
oh never mind.
He's got too many selfies with his grandma.
See that one's tough, because on one hand,
awww, he's best buds with his grandma.
And on the other hand,
he's best buds with his grandma!
Yeah.
Oh, humanitarian selfie!
Oh, please,
like you remember all those third world children's names?
A-left a-swipe.
Classic, classic, a girl's arm is cut off
on the side of the photo.
Oh, I see, so you cropped out your ex-wife or your hot mom,
either way, I don't need that drama.
No.
Oh, you guys, look at this guy.
Oh Mal, his first pic is a group pic.
So?
It's too bad, he's probably that ugly short one on the left.
You don't know that,
he could be the one in the middle with the good hair.
[gasp]
He was the janitor in the background.
[audience laughs]
Oh man, this is just making me sad, you guys.
Guys, we just have to keep swiping.
Mallory:
Okay, doubletime!
Excuse me,
you guys haven't seen my pure-bred German Shepherd
anywhere around here, have you?
Oh my goodness.
He's wearing an Anthropologie collar.
Mallory: Right!
Whitney:I'm swiping but he's not coming to me.
Natalie: Show me more angles.
Mallory: Where's the shirtless pic?
Oh my.
[audience cheering]
What is wrong with guys today?
I don't know.
Okay,
it's time to go.
Please, left for you.
Do I look like a cellular phone application?
Go on, and git, crazy ladies!
Go on!
Go on and git!
Fine.
Don't make me say it a fourth time--
Go now!
I was the janitor in the background.
[audience cheering]
♪♪
Natalie: Hey guys, thanks for watching that sketch,
and make sure you subscribe to our channel.
Whitney: And like this video.
Mallory: Mm-hmm, and comment below
about something surprising that you would swipe right on,
on a dating app.
Mallory: Like a guy with gray hair.
Whitney: Silver fox.
Natalie: That's true, some guys can pull it off.
Mallory: Right swipe. Yes please.
Natalie: No teeth.
Whitney: I was going to say no nose.