Hey, guys.
I'm Tracy.
And I'm Andy.
Corey's not here.
He's a little under the weather.
Hopefully next week--
He'll be over the weather.
[BA DUM TISS]
We have so much to discuss.
Oh, boy.
Let's get into this.
We're going to pop open the champagne--
Pop it!
We're going to pop the top.
--and get right into it.
[POP]
[SLOW MOTION SCREAM]
And that's how you [INAUDIBLE] the cube.
It didn't even squirt my face.
No.
That wasn't very fun, but it's OK.
Bachelor episode two!
So we go back to the group date with Hannah B.
He's like, I can't do this.
But they were staring at each other like this-- so close.
Could it have been more of a vague conversation?
Well, no.
It was very vague, but also did you not
think that they were going to kiss the entire time?
Oh, the tension.
Literally, they couldn't get closer.
The chemistry!
They were so close.
And I was just like, kiss!
Kiss!
And then she did this thing where she sat in his lap.
Oh, it was so weird.
It was like a weird kind of lap dance.
I made a note to myself and the lady
that I was watching with-- my wife.
[LAUGHS] So--
I said, here's the deal.
They want to leave.
Because at that point, she goes, should we just get out of here?
You could tell.
I was like, they will leave in a heartbeat.
Yeah.
So then she leaves.
They hug for a really long time.
Really awkward long time.
And then he's like, well, I'd better get back to the girls.
Yeah.
And then he's distraught.
Peter's like-- doesn't know what to do.
So he goes and he's like, I hate to do this,
but there's a lot of emotions.
You guys know Hannah was here.
I knew this was going to be an awkward date.
Yeah.
So I have to cut this date off right here.
And all the girls, meanwhile, are so mad.
Why am I even here?
You're here because you want to be on TV.
And also, I kind of side with the women, who are like,
I've seen Hannah twice and I've seen Peter twice.
Why-- nobody wants to see the guy you're dating's
ex-girlfriend.
And he's clearly still in love with her.
Yes.
We're getting to know some people more, including Sydney.
Sydney was bullied.
Bullying is a theme throughout this episode.
It is.
It's not a good thing.
It's a bad thing.
Don't do it at home.
Be kind.
But watch it on TV.
She ends up getting the rose.
The rose, yeah.
Which was like, surprise.
Which, I was like, why did she get that?
Your pick, Mykenna--
Uh-huh.
Right here-- so Mykenna comes in and they
have a cute little dance.
I think he is burning up the dance floor.
Oh, you mean like how he's like-- he's like, yeah.
First I slide in.
And he's like, and then I do some shoulder.
And you're just watching.
The whole time, you're like--
And then he's like, and then I spin you right into here.
Yeah.
[LAUGHTER]
Blech.
Moving on.
So he's clearly in love with Madison.
I guess.
Well, I'm sorry.
How many women do you give a picture of them
with your parents?
Well, that's what I'm saying.
Eventually, if he picks someone outside of Madison,
they're going to watch this back and be like, what was that?
So Kelsey we didn't really see much of until this episode.
It was a gift for us, because this moment was a great moment.
Very well-produced.
First of all, they show her.
Mm!
Oh, she's so excited because she got a fancy bottle of wine
at home from Des Moines.
A year ago.
She's was saving it.
Saving it for a very special moment.
Sets her champagne up by the fireplace.
And then Hannah Ann sits down.
Oh, my gosh.
This is so great.
Champagne?
Should we open the champagne?
They pour and they drink it.
And then we hear-- it was the best.
The girls were all in a group and they're like,
did someone just hear that?
Wait.
Did you just-- was that a bottle of champagne?
No, they wouldn't.
What, was that--
Would they do that?
Was that-- wait.
That sounded like my champagne pop.
No.
You'd better go check that out.
So Kelsey loses her mind.
Oh, boy.
I was like, here we go.
Tears, bathroom, girls follow her in--
door slams.
Oh, Peter went--
One of the friends answers, and she's like, it's Peter.
And she's like, I don't want to see him.
[LAUGHS]
Which is like--
It was like--
She just turned into a 12-year-old girl.
These producers are geniuses!
Yeah, it was a good moment.
Ah!
Established her as kind of a kook--
very demanding kook.
Kind of a kook?
She was a full-blown kook.
So then Kelsey's like, Hannah Ann, you knew.
You knew!
You did this on purpose.
And Hannah Ann's like--
I didn't know.
I didn't know, with her doe-y eyes.
She's like, I was--
I didn't know.
She's really good at being confronted,
because she just stands there and goes, I didn't know.
She's like a--
But if I offended you, I'm sorry.
Yeah.
That happens, and she gets another one.
And they're trying to redo her moment.
But he's like, shall we just drink from the bottle?
She's like, yeah.
Yeah!
Glug, glug, glug, glug.
And then it sprays up.
You just felt like, could this day get any worse?
So then they go to the rose ceremony.
Poor girl.
We say goodbye to three people that we really
didn't get to know anyway.
Bye, Lauren.
Bye, Payton.
And then also Courtney.
Oh, which brings us to the big group date.
OK.
So we're at Revolve.
But actually, this is a really fun date.
It was a good date.
So the date was--
I'm surprised they've never done this before.
They just got to pick something out of the Revolve closet.
Mm-hmm.
And then they modeled it.
And Peter came out first.
Boy, did he look like a million bucks.
Oh, yes.
Like, mm.
Mm.
Very confident pilot.
Yeah.
And then he just walks off the runway and sits down.
So then we have the women come and they model.
And there's one person who's very nervous the entire time--
Victoria.
I like her this episode.
I think she's established as I'm nervous,
I don't think I can do this.
She became--
And then what does she come out wearing?
Bubba-buh lingerie.
Hubba-duh hubba-duh hubba-duh.
Hubba hubba.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
And she looked beautiful.
And you didn't see that coming.
Sure didn't.
[MAKES EXPLOSION SOUND]
No.
And you know what else you don't see coming?
As she's walking back, she goes over to Peter--
Uh-huh?
Leaned over, gives him a real--
So confident, she went in for the smoocherino.
(LAUGHING) Smoocherino.
She did it.
You're such a dad.
They went there.
The smoocherino.
[LAUGHS] So anyway, so then we're
announced the top two people who are like, who's going to win?
And it's--
And it was--
Hannah Ann and Victoria F.
And then they both had to put on the same
get up and see who could model it best.
Yeah.
Hannah Ann took her skirt and went, wa-pash!
Oh, no.
And then Victoria F. walked back,
and then Hannah Ann did like one more.
Came back out for another-- oh, it was great.
And like, whatever.
It was great.
I wanted Victoria F. to win, but--
I did, too.
But Hannah Ann won, which means that she won a Revolve--
Thousands of dollars in Revolve clothes.
Yeah.
And Victoria F. was very upset, and that's
when she went off stage and cried.
But I still feel like Victoria F.
got farther ahead by her catwalk and her smoocherino.
So would you say that the F stands for "farther ahead"?
Yes.
I would say that.
Just when you thought the champagne drams of Champagne
Gate was over, it's not.
Mm-mm.
Because Kelsey--
Won't let it go.
She will not drop it, and she confronts Hannah Ann again.
And which, Hannah Ann feels--
Does the classic Hannah Ann again.
Which is like, uh!
I'm sorry that you feel this way.
And then--
I can tell you're very angry about this.
You're definitely upset.
I'm so sorry.
I'm going to go talk to Peter about it.
And doesn't tell her that, but then goes,
and during her time with Peter, says that Kelsey's--
Which you're not supposed to do.
You don't waste your time with the Bachelor
talking about someone else.
Yeah.
So he goes and confronts her.
And he's like, why did you do this?
Hannah Ann told me this.
She obviously inside is getting more mad at Hannah Ann
for saying this.
Oh, yeah.
But yeah, nothing really comes of it.
So--
It didn't really, no.
We're going to end this now.
The tease happens.
And here we go again.
Looks like good drama.
What are we going to do?
Demi's coming back.
Cut to his mom again.
Oh, you've got to go after her.
Don't run her-- don't.
Don't let her go.
Who is she talking about?
Ma-- I'm telling you, it's Madison.
Mm-mm.
I think it's--
Hannah B?
Hannah B.
Only time will tell, and we will watch
and we'll find out together, and we'll discuss it
and we'll drink champagne.
A big thanks, you guys, for watching.
And make sure you tune in next week
again to watch us in the cube.
[SPUTTERS]
[SNORTS] Comment below to tell us what you think.
Be nice.
Coming out of the nose.
[MUSIC PLAYING]