Hello everybody, my name is Markiplier, and welcome back to 60 seconds.
Now I know the way to WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know the strategy with which I can get this done.
And apparently I've been doing something very wrong that you guys have been pointing out,
But its a small, minute detail, that you wouldn't actually think would be a part of this, that would be very important for me to do.
And also, I've been practicing in the off hours, and I've gotten quite good at being able to get my......lovely family to safety.
So the main point is; there are spiders, and there are spi-- I'll get to it in a second I can't explain now,
I GOTTA RUN!
I GOTTA RUSH!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Where's that survival manual- there it is, that's what I needed.
Ah shit I don't even have the map, nuthin, I ain't got nuthin, no caards, no nuthin- this is terrible! AAAAAAH GOD!
I got like nuthin. I got nuthin. This was bullshit. This was bullshit! This- is- bullshit! It's fucking with me, it's bullshit.
This is a load of ass and I don't appreciate loads of ass.
Ok, now that we're in the basement I'll tell you the secret strategy to make this victorious.
ONE, have incredible good luck. This game likes to ffffffubernuck ya all over the place.
But two, keep all spiders, alive. Because they are more important than you know, and also be sure that Mary Jane
is alive and well. Because there is a small chance that when you keep the spiders alive, they'll bite Mary Jane
and turn her into a horrifying mutant monstrosity, that's gonna lead you to victory.
Because she when mutated- is completely invulnerable to everything and only needs...... water?
I don't remember. But it's OK.
So, with that being said we are going to be PLOWING forward and you are going to see me win this game no matter what!
Aha! Oh! Oh! Day two- "Spiders seem to operating under the assumption that they all have the same rights to this
shelter as we do.
They're everywhere and don't seem very scared of us- time we change that." Or not!
Everything's fine we don't need to worry about the spiders.
Ah dammit they didn't do the thing!
Ah maaaaan!
Uhh...
Well I guess that the spider event already happened and I didn't get Mary Jane to turn into a mutant
I guess I can go with the assumption that its not gonna happen from now on so I can just start it over again.
So what I'll do is I'll start a game and then I'll go until I get to the spiders to see if they do anything, and if they don't...
Ah, I just have to start...
♫ Over again until I lose my mind, ♫
♫ Everything is insane in my brain, yes. ♫
Ah, fuck...
Ah, shit. Ah, I didn't get the water.
I meant to grab that last water, but I think we did pretty good.
We got just about every item except for maybe the flashlight and the lock.
I don't recall getting those, but I think I got most of the entertainment stuff, I got all the essentials,
I got everything we needed.
Right?
Yay! We didn't get the flashlight or the medkit or the lock, but who cares?
♫ Plen-ty of food, in our butts ♫
♫ We are going to have lots of, lots of food, it is good ♫
♫ We're not going crazy yet, but we will, don't worry, it'll happen really soon ♫
♫ When we lose our goddamn minds, it is really really cool... ♫
Ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Okay...
Timmy can go out into the wilderness...
Right from the beginning. Timmy...
Timmy? Is that his name, Timmy? Timmy? *higher pitched* Timmy? Is that his name?
Anyway, Timmy... is able to go out into the wilderness with a gas mask early on
to be able to scrounge up a whole bunch of stuff because
the little Boy Scout - is the best at scavenging.
Welcome back Tim Tim, what did ya get?
Nah, you got a flashlight and...
No water! *sarcastically* Great, good job! That's gonna help us real good...
What a dick. What a dill hole. What a dill weed hole.
I really hope the dog doesn't come back before we get a medkit because...
that never ends well...
Oh boy, mushrooms! Give 'em to Mary Jane... Maybe something's gonna happen.
Bing, bum.
Nope, he just got sick, what a dick. Let's stick him in the frick.
Well, Timmy's back and we got - oh, we got a medkit!
*gasp*
Is this mean we are going to [veek dooger]? Oooh!
Fo...ah, ♫ Yaaaaaay! ♫
That's a good Tim Tim, ♫ and he got a medkit, he's really good now, yes, yes, yes. ♫
And he's just in time for everyone to get a meal.
Nice.
"No, no no! Pancake crawled back to us, but he's severely injured!
The poor thing has been shot by some monster. We need to help him fast!"
We're gonna help him!
Oh, I've never been able to help him!
Oh, what a clutch move, yeah!
Oh, it's Chica bica, oh my goodness. *gasp*
Oh, it makes me feel so much better... about everything!
Oh, he's such a cuite!
Hi Pancake! How are you doing?
I mean, Ted's probably gonna die... real soon but...
Eh, whatever. It's okay.
They're all fatigued, but Pancake's doing so good!
Aaaoooh!
It took a while, but we were able to patch Pancake up. We're not letting him go this time.
"Do you know what love is? We sure know. Loving your dog." *inhale*
Aww *mumbles* ...a cutie!
What a cutie! Oh my Goood... Okay, so we need... hmm...
We're not certain about the situation, but we need...
Ted would die if he went out. Mary Jane's feeling excellent apparently, but...
Aah, Timmy's only been the best one. Eh, Dolores can go.
She's a little tired, but that's okay.
"It's the army again. We thought they were near, but it seems something kept them away. We're not leaving just yet...
Their broadcast - request for assistance. They wanted us to take a few canisters of gas to the nearest bus stop?
Need it for transport?" Oh, okay!
Alrighty then! Woo!
I don't know why this is important for the rescue but maybe we're actually going to do something about this.
I have no idea.
"All set. The canisters are in place and we're safely back home. Well, if you can call it that.
And hopefully for not too long. We will see what the next few days bring."
Dolores, you're going out there... go with the gas mask... just good luck.
It just so happened I just used that.
"It would be a good idea to let Pancake out for a while. He's a dog, he needs his space for running and other things.
So how about we send him outside for a while?"
Yeah?
Okay? Maybe he can get us something?
He survived that long without us. I'm sure he'll be fine with...
Hey Dolores, welcome back, you look good.
You got... water!
Oh, perfect! One water - only one water. Huh.
Oh, that was Pancake! "Dog paws are no good for carrying bottles."
Wow, nice job.
Heh, heh, heh - and two more water!
Niiice.
Niiice!
*demonically* NIIICE!
Okay, so I don't know when Timmy's gonna be better, but I'm gonna hold off
"Dolores is not looking any better today. We should fix her up soon. Did we take the first aid kit?
Dolores? What's wrong with Dolores?
But Dolores is fine! It's Ted that's bad.
That's a bug. That's a bug if I ever saw one.
Oh, Dolores doesn't look so good anymore. Well then, all right.
"Poor, poor Dolores. We're not optomistic..."
Dolores was fine, just a little bit ago.
Okay, the military just wanted us to go outside and outline the situation.
I probably should have sent...
Nope, Ted's dead. Ted died.
Ted died.
"We managed to make it to the meeting in time. We tried our best to answer. The soldier asked his questions.
Lets hope we fullfilled their expectations and our ragged appearance didn't make a bad impression."
Well... Ted's dead. Great. That's a good impression to make.
He literally got there and then he collapsed. Great.
Uh- Uh-oh! Woah! Well, oh, okay. Well, all right then. That's...
*gibberish*
Well. All right then. I guess... I guess we were done here anyway.
We didn't turn Mary Jane into anyone, but, um, uh...
I have a funny feeling that we were close to being rescued unless...
Just... why did they both get sick? That didn't make any sense. Dolores just got sick. It like, preemptively was like...
"Hey, Dolores ain't lookin' so good. Did you get a medkit?"
I'm like... wha- she looks fine, and no...
Oh, well now she's gonna die. Have fun!
Great...
♫ E da da deh ♫