The Cyber Archive.
From shocking toys made to control unruly children to disturbing toys that resemble
something adults may use, we count 15 of the most inappropriate children's toys ever made.
Number 15.
E.T Finger Light. Have you ever wanted to probe like an alien? Well now you can with
this E.T. Finger light. Kids all over can now experience alien probing first hand. The
end of the phallic finger probe even lights up, just like E.T.'s. If for some reason you
find this in your parents room, it's probably best to just leave it where you found it.
Number 14.
Adolf Hitler Doll. A toy version of Adolf Hitler. What better than to get your kids
a toy replica of someone who was responsible for the death of more than 11 million people.
This doll comes with a swappable head to make him look angry and various Nazi uniforms that
can be changed to suit your mood. You can even fully undress the doll to see whether
he did in fact have a missing testicle.
Number 13.
The Oozinator. If your kids are just too old to be spraying each other with water, now
they can shoot a load of white sticky goo in their friend's face. Simply give the gun
a quick pump and away you go. Looking at the ad for this gun you can see why this toy may
be classed as inappropriate.
Number 12.
The Breast Milk Baby. As if to promote teenage pregnancy, girls can now start getting used
to breast feeding at a young age with The Breast Milk Baby. This doll even makes gulping
and slurping noises when held to the chest. It then needs winding just like a real baby,
although at least you won't get milky sick on your shoulder.
Number 11.
Batman Water Gun. A small Batman water pistol is not necessarily sexual but the design of
this gun from the 1960's is very suggestive. Simply remove Batman's butt plug, fill him
with water, cock and squeeze the trigger, and shoot your pals with a quick load to the
face.
Number 10.
Tattoo Toy Set. Now your kids can open their very own tattoo parlor. I have nothing against
tattoos but I do have a slight problem with teaching children that getting a tattoo is
cool, temporary and painless. I expect if people got tattoos when they were kids, they'd
look a lot different now.
Number 9.
Control Toys. Are your kids just too wild and uncontrollable? Well thanks to Control
Toys you can now restrain them! They've made this Lovely Strait Jacket for ages 5 plus,
the Happy Heavy Ball and chain for ages 7 plus, the Baby Trap Chair with wrist and ankle
straps for ages 3 plus, and the Funny Cage for all ages.
Number 8.
The Punisher Shape Shifter. You may think he's an ordinary action figure, but you'd
be wrong. The Punisher actually hides a secret weapon, his trusty power pistol. He can not
only shoot rockets from his crotch but if you bend him over, he can shoot projectiles
from his butt. Perhaps the maker of this toy had something to prove.
Number 7.
Japanese Shaving Baby. With the slogan 'You can shave the baby', this doll has ginger
pubic hair all over it. Kids can shave the hair off at their leisure. I'm not sure what's
more disturbing, the fact that a human could have such wild hair growth, or the fact that
a baby could have any pubic hair at all. This thing looks like some kind of mutant baby
gorilla.
Number 6.
Black Oreo Fun Barbie. Released in 1997 by Mattel and Nabisco, no one at either company
was aware the term Oreo was an offensive term to describe a black person who acts like they're
white. When the toy hit shelves, there was quite an outcry and Mattel recalled the unsold
stock. Now the white version can be bought for a few dollars but the original black version
fetches prices up to $100.
Number 5.
Peek-A-Boo stripper pole. How this got to be originally marketed to a young audience
is beyond me. This pole dancing set comes with a stripper pole, a CD of sexy music,
a pink garter and a wad of fake $10 bills. They say you shouldn't push your kids toward
a career path, but in my opinion this isn't setting the bar too high.
Number 4.
Dora Aquapet. This virtual pet would be a decent enough toy if it didn't represent male
genitalia. The skin colored base doesn't really help either. Surely the person who designed
this toy must have realized the uncanny shape of a dildo. Perhaps the giant D in the middle
of the toy doesn't stand for Dora after all.
Number 3.
Poopy-Time Fun Shapes. This is probably one of the most disturbing toys ever created.
With this toy you can make your kids excited about potty training, with the poopy-time
fun shapes you can shove a piece of plastic in their behind and make a heart or star shaped
poop come out. Honestly, that's just wrong.
Number 2.
Toypedo. As you can see from the packaging, the Toypedo is a hand launched projectile.
It's claimed it can be inserted into young boys' mouths to shoot out with a greater force.
It can travel up to 40 feet underwater, just like a nuclear submarine. So not only are
they encouraging fellatio but also a casual acceptance of nuclear war. And I'm not too
sure about the name, Toy Pedo.
Number 1.
Baby's First Baby. Not only can this doll of a baby give birth to a baby. But the baby's
baby is pregnant too! The doll has stretch marks, simulates cravings and its waters really
break. Also available are twin pregnant babies, each pregnant with their very own set of pregnant
twins. As it says on the packet 'The fun never stops!'
And that's it for this rather inappropriate countdown. Don't forget to like and share
this video if you enjoyed it and as always thanks for watching.