- What is the importance of family bonding?
I mean, is it important?
And if it is, how do we do it?
Do you know?
'Cause I know.
Let's talk about it.
Mended Light.
(upbeat music)
So why is it important to be bonded as a family?
Is this important?
I mean, I think all of us would say yes, it's important.
And I would like to just talk about for a second why.
We all as humans have this innate need to be loved.
And how we go about being loved is
showing the world who we are, being truthful,
and then people seeing that truthful side of us,
who we really are, accepting us,
and then showing us love.
And that is how we create connection with people.
We have all sorts of coping mechanisms
when we don't feel connected.
We have all sorts of ways of getting
what I would label as imitation love
or a facade of love, right?
And so that could look like all sorts of things.
It could be reaching for power, praise, prestige, money.
For women, sometimes they use their physical attractiveness
to trade power with men through sex.
We have all these coping mechanisms to try and find love,
but so often what we're searching for is imitation love.
We combat that through connection.
We combat that through bonding together as a family.
So we all have innately different needs.
You might call it personality types.
You might call it nature versus nurture.
Whatever it is, as a family,
we all have innately different needs.
I know this was such a challenge in my own family.
And this journey for me,
seeking to understand everybody's different needs,
so that we could seek to meet those needs,
so that we could be connected and bonded as a family,
how do you even do this?
We have five kids.
So two parents, five kids, seven different people,
drastically different personalities,
drastically different needs.
How do you live in one house
and meet everybody's needs?
And so often, as the mother,
you're sacrificing your needs to meet other people's,
maybe even their wants.
And so understanding
that we have drastically different needs
and then seeking to understand what those needs are,
you can do this through Myers-Briggs,
through the colors program.
In our therapeutic offices,
we have a specific personality program
that we've put together
and we teach about those things.
And so I'd like to talk a little bit
about that journey for me
and what that looked like as a parent.
So I have a lovely daughter.
She's becoming a teenager.
I'm sure that will be a wonderful growth experience
for everybody involved.
But as a toddler, she and I had a disconnect.
I became acutely aware of this disconnect
when I said to her, "Will you go put away your toys?"
and she lost it.
And on the surface level,
it's like I made a very easy-to-understand request
that she was perfectly capable of fulfilling
and she lost it.
And I'm like, what is going on here?
And of course, I have an older child.
I have a baby.
I don't have the bandwidth
to meet this toddler's tantrum right now that's going on.
And so her dad walks in and says to her,
"Hey, will you please go put away your toys?"
And she goes, "Okay, Daddy." (laughs)
And I was like, "What just happened here?"
And that is where I was like, "Okay,
all things being equal and aside,
there is something different
about my relationship with my oldest daughter
and her dad's relationship with our oldest daughter."
And I set out on a mission to figure out
what the hell was going on
because it was only gonna get worse from there.
And that was really a catalyst for change.
I became aware of the acutely different needs
that we each have.
And as I dived into personality types
and understanding the needs with each personality type,
I saw some really strong personality similarities
between my mom and my daughter.
And then there's me sandwiched in between.
And I have a drastically different personality
with drastically different needs.
So that's not triggering at all,
raising a daughter that's a lot like your mom
who doesn't understand you. (laughs)
But this was also a huge opportunity for growth for me.
And I'm grateful for that opportunity for growth
because it taught me so much.
So on a very core level,
we are bonded and connected when we feel loved.
The way we go about feeling loved,
real love, true love that we give unconditionally,
which is a subject...
Unconditional love versus conditional love is a whole video
in and of itself.
But when we show people who we really are,
warts and all, and then we're seen and we're accepted,
and people still show us love,
that's how we get that true love.
That's how we get that real love.
And recognizing that we have drastically different needs
and being willing to meet someone else's needs
that are different than our own...
But then we also need that in return, right?
We need our needs meet,
even if they're drastically different than other people.
That's how we feel bonded and we feel connected.
And there's so many dynamics that play into each other
that you need to give yourself patience
and understanding as you start applying these tools
that we teach here at this channel.
Because it's hard to do something
that you've never seen
and it's hard to model behavior
that you didn't even know was an option
because that's not the way things were
in the house you grew up in.
That wasn't the example that was set for you.
So be patient, be kind, be loving, be understanding.
Start that process in little ways
by asking yourself the question,
how can I meet my needs in a healthy way right now?
How can I meet my child's needs
in a healthy way right now.
And even if it's just as simple as asking them questions
about what's going on for them
or asking yourself questions
about what's going on for you
and just listening and letting it be okay to just listen,
just that is bonding.
Of course, there's all the other wonderful things to do
to bond with your family,
to spend time together,
to go on outings, on vacations, on trips,
to play games, to do those things you love.
But in the simplest form,
people just want to be seen and understood
and still know that they're loved.
And regardless of where we're at in our lives,
and what we have going on,
we can do that for each other.
So along those lines of family bonding,
it's important to bond in your marriage.
And sometimes, it can be exceptionally challenging
to bond if there are things in your marriage
that are creating a wedge,
like lying, substance abuse, porn.
And if that's a challenge for you,
check out our video,
"What To Do If Your Husband's Addicted To Porn."
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And if this video has been helpful for you,
and you want more one-on-one support
when it comes to bonding with your family,
we offer free complimentary discovery calls.
They're 15 minutes long
and they're with a member of our team.
And I would love to hear how you guys bond with your family.
What do you do for fun?
What do you do to create connection?
Let us know below.
And remember to keep shining.
We need your light.
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