HI!!!!!!!
Oh God
Ugh
Hi,
how are you guys
hope you're doing great
I'm fucking tired
but have no fear,
because I have a remedy
*chuckle*
So you know me and you
we haven't bonded recently
I mean, we have
but not enough
we need more of each other
i wanna catch you up on my life
and so today
we are doing the laziest
form of youtube content
a Q&A!!!!!
ew
yAs
i thought it would be kinda fun
if we took it back to the good old days
and we just chill with some
philzzz
you know
and had a little talking moment
and spill some tea
and fuckin tell you whats up
Before we start the Q&A
I thought I'd just fill you in on my life
soooo
I'm really cold right now
because I have my
AC turned on to 60 degrees
which is not good
It's too cold, but I don't care because Iike it like that
and my toes are numb
and I can barely feel my hands
and this coffee is iced
and I am kinda dying and I
kinda want to die but
like I don't know why
but this is just the way that I live my life so
moving on
*slurpppppppppp*
haven't cooked myself a home cooked meal
in a long time
I've just been post-mating food for every single meal
and I'm worried about it
is my health declining? probably.
At an alarming rate? Also probably.
So yeah I'll keep you updated on that
its been fun, it's been really fun..
I get avocado toast
I get ThAi fOoD
I get burritos,
i get sushi
I get coffee
I mean like you name it,
I'm getting it
My family is concerned
I don't really care,
in other news summer is over
I'm getting pale
I was pale even during the summer
which is disturbing but
now that summers kind of over
im rEaLLy getting pale
Do I fake tan my shit
or do I not?
and I just let the pale come in
see, the thing is
i think I'm gonna fake tan
speaking of fall
let's light a candle,
cuz i have one right here
and its fucking amazing
its pumpkin nutmeg flavor
oh my god
its so fucking boner-ific
never using that word again, sorry
its very yummy
and I'm going to light it right now
because i dont care if you
dont want me to
and- cuz im doing it
funny story
went to my friends house last night
and i forgot to blow that out
when i left my house
and i realized that
a few minutes after i left
and i was panicking
i come home today
expecting my entire apartment to be
fucking burned down to the ground
and turns out
i think i did blow it out
yeah i think thats it
now lets get into the Q&A
because i dont have anything else to talk about
Have you lost your v-card?
i think that you meant c-card
like you know a little abbrevation for credit card
and no, ive actually never lost my credit card before
and i dont plan on it
because that would be like, really stressful
like what if somebody picked it up off the ground
and started buying like appliances
like what if somebody like fucking found it
and bought themselves a new fridge
in turn i then bought them a new fridge
because its my credit card
like that would be really upsetting so
How many mental breakdowns do u have per day?
i had a solid week there
where i was having a minimum of 4
but now that things have kind of settled down
id say a minimum of 3
my mental breakdowns really kind of vary
sometimes we have tantrums on the ground
sometimes we just cry a little bit
sometimes we cry for about 2 minutes
and then just take selfies of me crying
for like another 5 minutes
until all the tears dry
and then theres no more selfie material
would u ever get a tattoo?
funny you say that
because i actually do kind of want a tattoo
i really wanted a lip tat like right here
or maybe like a tat on my hands
oh, speak of hands, look
my fucking nail broke off
so thats classy and cute, love that
let me know some tattoo suggestions down below
if you know what i should get
i was gonna get like 'fuck' on my lip (pls no)
cuz thats just kind of on brand
maybe a drawing of a penis (oh god)
i was just kind of teetering
something funny, something quirky
something i wont regret
i think if i get a penis on my lip i wont regret it
so let me know what you think
favorite dog breed
dog breeds are one of those things where
a dog is a dog, you know what i mean
the motherfucker comes up to me
and like licks my toes or something
and i love it <3
i dont care about the breed
but i do love maltipoos
and i really fucking want one
so if anybody wants to buy me one
and send it to my house, id love that
first kiss
aha smooch smooch wow
*sluuurp*
i dont believe in kissing
i think its a sin so
i dont do that
aand
*if u want the actual story go to olivia jade's channel :)*
if this video gets 9 million likes
i'll tell my first kiss story so guys go like it up
even though ive never kissed anyone cause im a virgin
well if you're like me and you're not a FUCKING idiot
you just take a ruler
preferable one of the really, like, kinda bendy ones
from like fucking home depot
no thats not the right place
one of the bendy ones from
like the dollar section of Target
aand
you just
bend it as such
*a genius in the making*
you bend it around the circle u know
and then you just measure it
fuck a formula
even though i think its
wait
c
=
*work overload*
pi r squared?
wait is that right?
if thats fucking right i'm literally
gonna give my self a fucking kiss
FUCK
i fucked it up (whats new)
circumference is 2 pi r squared
OkAy SoRrY like
now i kinda already did
in the beginning
and i'm doing pretty good
you know
i had a few rough months behind me
but
we're kinda coming out of it
and we're kinda fucking slaying
everything happens for a reason
thats my fucking motto for realz tho
like if you really think about it
and you really think about it
u know?
whatever just happened just now
thats really fucking shitty it probably has a reason for it
it'll probably end up teaching u something down the line
that's very valuable
and that's kinda the tea
i was going to get a dog right?
and i really wanted one
but the thing is is that
I AM AN IDIOT
and so thats something to be considered
because i dont want to get a dog
and then the dog
u kno uhhh
suffer
because im an idiot
I think it's really considerate of me and really nice
and honestly so generous and sweet of me
to not get a dog
because it just proves that i know im an idiot
to give you some context here:
I didn't wash my sheets for four months
um...yeah
I mean- you know- we're having fun
aUuUUuGUGHh
so....yeah
I mean it's good
I get to go fuckin...do nothing
you know what? no.
now the sunglass emoji means a LOT to me
basically- let me explain
sunglass emoji can mean anything you want it to mean
like let's say u want to say: "what's up bitch"
let's say u want to say: "damn u look good today"
let's say u want to say: "I just got an A on my test, and you're a fucking idiot"
like- it's so versatile and that's why I love it
because it's that perfect
it was MADE for us
you know what? no.
but I can do this
because I was a cheerleader and I am still flexible
so this is ur treat of the day
*booing*
do u know what? let's get crazy
wOoOOoOOoOW
*booing*
so
absolutely fucking not
no
umMMMmmM
nO
even though sometimes I like always get sad because i think "wow it could be cool to go to a football game"
and then I really think about it and I'm like
MmMMm
football games are cold, there is usually some sort of drama
like "oH Jessica JuSt kissed MaTtHeW"
"AnD I LiKE MAttHeW"
and it always gets weird when you have to decide who you sit with at the football game
like "oh am I gonna sit with Jessica today? or am I gonna sit with the BOyS
no I don't miss it thank you for asking
I woke up, went to brunch: had a coffee
got home: had a coffee
now it's 5:30 pm
and I have another coffee
I love candles
I love boys
I love socks that are, like, really fuzzy and shit
I love hoodies
I love...my BED
I love photos
taking pictures...no I don't
that's actually really not true, I fucking hate taking photos of myself
I love when I just get out of the shower and I feel all clean
and like my legs are shaved
and i'm like "damn. i'm a woman for once"
I love when I'm not on my period
THAT'S NICE
I like blankets
I love coffee
I love YOU <3
I love my family
and my friends
I love candles
I love seasons
like I love all the different seasons
I love the fact that there's a lot of them
you know, there's like all four of them
you never know which one it's gonna be that month
I love eating STUFFING
I fuck with that
I love that
I love...not eating turkey
I love not playing football because I don't like playing sports
I love black friday
oh fuck
BLACK! FUCKING! FRIDAY!
it's just the experience
you always get something good
like last year I got my coffee machine
and I've been using that motherfucker ever since I love that shit
its just fun.
it's a good time to bond with the buds
you know what I mean?
go out to black Friday with the buds
maybe go with your mom, maybe go with your aunt, maybe go with your fucking granny
I don't care
it's always an adventure cuz it's like late at night
and I have this weird kink for doing things at night
roblox is not fucking fun at all
I literally played roblox one time and was like this is literally the worst game of all time
and then I fucking decided I would never play it again
also I have a really big zit on my forehead
I don't know where it came from
I don't know what I did to deserve it
probably the fact that I postmate every meal doesn't help
0_0
no??? um...that is funny
and that would be funny if i did that
you know what I mean, cuz i'd go onto the toilet
sit down and i'd film it
and i'd blur out my vagina and my asshole
people would probably laugh
but that's a lot of effort cuz like imagine me taking my camera and my light
all the way into the bathroom
setting that up and then pulling down my pants
I just don't think I could promise anything too big today
well, see, I don't really like either of them
but based on what I tried in my last video
~go check it out if you want~
I like chicken better
what would you have named me if I was a boy?
dad: ummmm I can't remember
HOW DO U NOT REMEMBER
okay let me guess: chandler
help me out here, I need content
dad: oliver?
oliver?
that's what I named my cat, so that's weird
should I call my mom?
dad: I remember I said jeffro, as a joke
jeffro?
oh...let's just be glad I didn't come out with a penis then
dad: what was ur moms....jango
jango??
dad: jack, jonah
jango, ja- what is it with her and j names
oh my god imagine me being a boy, like having a weiner and being named jonah
dad: and isaiah
issac??? (no ISAIAH omg)
those are terrible names MOM
I felt like the hype was SOOO big
and then all of a sudden ~POOF~
and no one cares anymore
I think it's time to play toontown again
so everybody let's go on toontown tomorrow at 2 pm
just kidding
I'm TwElVe YeArS oLd
you know, i'm fucking pissed about it
because that is the ugliest photo of me that has ever existed in this world
and it's pretty embarrassing because all of my friends have seen it
and you guys have now all seen it
and I will never live it down
it's something that was just a force of nature
to be completely honest I don't even think I look like that
and maybe I do and I'm worried
okay
IT'S NOT UNUSUAL TO BE- ow fuck
AHH okay i'm done
I don't want to do that anymore
it's not even funny so it's just pointless at this point
somebody who....likes me back
my twitter profile picture is very special
and there is a very distinct story behind it
so I will proceed to tell you that now
when I was in like, third grade
maybe even second or first
I woke up and I had pinkeye
in both eyes
and my eyes were fucking puffy as shit
I decided I would send a photo to my mom
I took my little flip phone
and I sent a little mirror pic to my mom
and that is the photo that exists now
and she thought it was so funny that my eyes were swollen
u fucking bitch mom
and she posted it on her facebook, so all of her fucking friends saw it
and THEN, to make matter worse
she just laughed about it and didn't respond to my text
fast forward to now
I was on my mom's facebook looking through all of her photos
and I found THAT
i'm kind of embarrassed of my favorite type of soup
cuz I feel like it's a really unpopular opinion
and I don't want to be ripped a new one right now
and I know I probably will and i'm worried about it
my favorite type of soup is sweet pea
and u know what? okay I get it It looks like boogers
but its really fucking good so I don't want to hear it
u know I haven't killed anyone, so this is a stupid question
like, chill
do I seem like that to you?
like I'm kind of offended u even asked
I am not pregnant!!!!!!!!!!!
although because of all the postmates I've been ordering
it kind of looks like it
but I am in fact not pregnant u fucking bitch
u should know better, that u don't ask a woman if she is pregnant
if u don't know for sure
because there is a decent chance that they're just fat
well it could be this
this is not good
but it could also be this
which is also not good
but then it could also be this
which is BAD
but it could also be this
which is REALLY bad
but it could also be this
which is kinda good
I don't even think this one is bad
I mean, this is just one of the better photos that exists of me
uhhh this is hard
but you could get creative and say something like
"teachers are like vacuums, they suck"
or you could say something a little more risque
kind of like a big bang to end off the school year with
and you can say
*inaudible*
why'd I just say it like that?
I STRONGLY believe in swords
I think that you need to have one
under your pillow
under your bed
in your night stand
behind your fridge
on top of ur fridge
on ur dining room table
hanging up above ur bed
there´s no way to survive ANY misfortune
without a sword
why do i keep saying it like that? like swwword
the w is silent idk what i dont get about that
SWORD
100% picking a wedgie
becuz theres something so much more violent
about picking ur nose
picking a wedgie is pretty sane
u are not even touching ur actual ass
ur just kinda doin it thru ur pants u know
picking ur nose u r fucking shoving ur finger into an orphus
well we r going to stop right the question right there
and say yes
I sucked my thumb for NINE YEARS
u r supposed to stop sucking ur thumb when u r idk
TWO AND A HALF
but i just kept going for it till i was nine
well the only thing is that James is GAY
YES
u know sometimes we need a break
sometimes we want to put out content that is
not creative
or beneficial
or entertaining
or useful at all
thats what being a youtuber is all about
its sometimes about disappointing
Ive actually never been on a date
thats not how the 21st century works
we dont go on dates
we snapchat boys and then
get left on read
imagine wiping ur ass standing up
and thinking that thats okay
i,, am not an idiot
and im also not,,,, an idiot
im also not a sociopath
sO rUdE
so disrespectful
such an inconvenience
so upset about it
but it also allows me to one day
have lil baby chambies
and thats cute
so im down
one time i accidentally
ordered an uber to the wrong place
and so that like the uber didnt show up
to like where i was u know
umm and nothing really bad happened
it was just really upsetting
oh my god actually funny that we r saying this
because lately ive been listening to
some emo music in the car
cuz ive kinda been getting into my feels recently
when I listen to .... or sizza
i start to get so into the music that
i CLOSE MY EYES
while im driving
or amy whinehouse
and im fucking driving and im like
WHY DONT U COME ON-
and then i fucking open my eyes and im about to hit a car
that has happened to me multiple times
kinda fun kinda worth it
and i guess thats the last question
of the Q&A today
im done
im fucking done
im tired
kind of an emotional wreck
but we had a fun time catching up with me
and we had a lil coffee date <3
I love u guys <3
PEACE OUT BITCH
BYEEEE
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