Hey everyone!
Welcome back to Lavendaire.
Today, let's talk about how to overcome fear and self doubt.
First off, fear comes in many forms.
Fear can come in the form of procrastination, perfectionism, resistance, insecurity.
And I would say that the most common fear would be the fear of failure.
There are so many different types of fears
and no matter what type of fear we're talking about,
ultimately, all fears are just illusions in the mind.
Fear only exists to you in your mind.
And yes, there is a purpose for fear.
There is a practical purpose for fear,
because fear is protecting you from the unknown,
is trying to help you not die.
Basically anything new, unknown, or uncomfortable is going to be scary,
because you don't know what's going to happen.
You don't know if it's going to hurt you or not,
and that's why you feel the fear,
because your fear is only trying to protect you.
As human beings, it's going to be normal to feel fear.
You can't really avoid feeling it.
It's going to happen for the rest of your life,
but you do not want to let your fear control you.
That is the choice that you get to make.
So one exercise you can do to manage
and overcome your fears is to start debunking your fears.
You know, there's that quote:
"There's nothing to fear but fear itself,"
because most of the time it's not the thing that you're afraid of.
It's the actual fear that's holding you back.
And so you shouldn't be afraid of that horrible situation that might happen.
You should be afraid of the fear,
because the fear is going to hold you back
more than a hypothetical situation really will.
So you guys might know about the Fear Setting exercise
that I've shared in the Artist of Life Workbook and in the Dream Life Series.
Well, if you don't know: Fear setting is an exercise
that helps you go through each one of your fears
and then ask yourself: "What is the worst that can happen?
If this fear were to come true, what's the worst case scenario?
And then after writing that out, ask yourself:
“Okay, if this worst case scenario actually happened, what would I do?
What could I do to bounce back from it?”
And so you make a plan on how you're gonna deal
with that worst case scenario that you're so afraid of.
And then at the end of the exercise, you ask yourself for each fear:
“If this were to happen, will I still be alive and breathing? Will I survive?”
So if the answer is “Yes, you're still alive
and you're still breathing at the end of the day,”
then that fear is not going to kill you, and it's okay.
As long as you're alive and breathing, you can still move on in life.
You can be resilient, you can pick yourself back up, you can try again.
And it really isn't the end of the world.
I think that's the main point of this entire exercise
is to realize that what you fear, even if it were to happen,
even if it were the worst case scenario, it's not the end of the world.
So if you can be aware of your fears
and then make a plan for how you would handle the worst case scenario,
then you ultimately have a plan on how you can handle anything,
anything that's going to go wrong.
And you realize that, at the end of it, you will be okay.
You will survive and so it is worth pursuing this thing,
regardless of the risks and the scary parts about it.
By the way, if you want to download the Fear Setting worksheets,
I'll have this link down below so you can click
and get that PDF sent to your inbox.
Another way you can overcome your fear and self doubt is
when you notice yourself thinking negative thoughts
and doubting yourself in the moment,
Ask yourself: “Are these thoughts evidence-based or am I just thinking irrationally?
Are there other thoughts that I can choose to think
rather than these negative self-doubting thoughts?”
Because you always have the power to choose your thoughts.
And when we're afraid, we're so focused on the negative,
we're so focused on what we don't want to happen
or we're focused on us not believing in ourselves,
and the reasons why we shouldn't believe in ourselves or whatever,
when in reality, there are so many other positive thoughts,
so many thoughts that can support you
and so much evidence to support the fact that you are capable
and you don't have to be so afraid or you don't have to doubt yourself.
You can really believe in yourself.
So it's realizing that your fear is just one thought, is just one option.
But there are other thoughts and other options out there for you to choose from.
So you really got to hone your mind and choose your thoughts,
like you're choosing what clothes to wear.
If wearing something makes you feel ugly
and it doesn't make you feel confident,
then don't wear that thought.
Don't wear that thing.
Wear something that makes you feel confident,
that supports you and makes you feel like you can take over the world.
Same thing with your thoughts.
Choose the thoughts that make you feel confident,
like you're so capable, you can take over the world.
The next tip is huge, and it's to realize that: Action dissolves fear.
I'm gonna say it again: Action dissolves fear.
So you want to feel the fear and do it anyway.
I'm sure you've heard that phrase before,
but it really works because when you are in action,
you are moving and working and doing things in the external world,
and it takes your mind off of what's going on in here.
When you're sitting there doing nothing, only thinking,
you allow your thoughts and your fears
and your overanalytical brain to run how you feel about yourself.
And so you let the fear be strong and powerful when you're not taking action.
So just think of it this way.
When you are not taking action, you are living more in your mind.
It's all in your thoughts.
It's all in the what if's or the fears or the insecurity, self doubt.
It's all really an illusion in your mind.
But when you're taking action, you're focused on
the external world rather than the internal world.
And so it kind of takes your mind off things
because you're so busy and focused on taking action.
So focus on taking action because action dissolves fear.
Lastly, I'm going to share something that I've shared before,
but I feel like every time I talk about fear,
I have to bring up this example.
I always love to talk about the example from Elizabeth Gilbert's Big Magic book.
She talks about this metaphor that helps you understand how to deal with your fear.
So you are on this road trip of life.
You are the driver.
You're driving along this road, you're seeing places, you're getting things done,
you're just living your life and driving along.
And fear is that baby in the back seat.
You have a baby that is crying and wailing
and being really annoying in the back seat.
So your fear is going to be loud.
It's going to bother you.
It might get in your head.
It'll just be there.
But you have to accept that your fear will be there with you during this ride.
You can't just drop the baby, throw it out of the window.
The baby is going with you on this road trip.
And even though you accept that the baby is going to be with you in this journey,
you do not let the baby drive because the baby is just a baby.
The baby doesn't really know how to drive.
It just knows how to cry.
It just knows how to be scared.
So you are the driver of your life.
You still have the choice to do what you want to do.
You have the ultimate say.
You don't have to listen to that baby in the back.
The baby's going to cry.
You just have to accept that the baby will be there with you for the ride of life.
So that's what fear is.
Fear is the baby, and you have to accept that you're always going to feel fear.
You're always going to have fear in your life,
especially when you're doing something new
and different outside of your comfort zone.
It's just natural for humans to feel fear.
If you didn't feel fear, you would be crazy.
You would just not be a regular human being.
So understand that fear is a normal part of our journeys.
But do not let fear dictate your choices.
Do not let fear drive.
Okay, I'll leave it at that for today.
But I also have other videos where I talk about fear or self doubt,
self-criticism, insecurity, all of that down below,
which I'll link in different playlists.
I highly recommend you check out the self-worth series
because a lot of the self doubt comes from not having enough self worth
and not believing in yourself enough.
It's so important to cultivate that self-worth, give yourself self love.
And all of these parts of life are interconnected
and you want to build a strong, solid foundation for yourself.
Sending you so much love for your journey and your growth.
And lastly, I also want to remind you that the Artist of Life Workbook,
the 2020 version is coming out November 1st so just get ready for that.
All right, see you next time.
Bye!