good morning Hank it's Tuesday I really
liked your video on Friday about sibling
rivalry and competition and it made me
think about participation trophies like
today's young people are sometimes
called a participation trophy generation
who expect to be lavished with praise
for even the smallest accomplishments
and rewarded for failure that kind of
pseudo cultural analysis always
oversimplifies of course but I feel like
I might have some insight into
participation trophy culture because I
had a profound and literal experience
with it decades before it was a thing
the year 1984 I'm seven years old and I
am a baseball player specifically I am
the oldest player on my Little League
t-ball team and t-ball the ball was not
pitched instead it's placed on a tee to
make it easier to hit most kids my age
had moved on from t-ball but not me the
thing about my childhood sporting
adventures is that even though I was a
terrible athlete I loved sports like I
was so passionate and also so hopeless
like I went on to play for my middle
school soccer team and I remember in one
game I came off the bench like midway
through the first half and I was feeling
really good about myself because usually
I didn't get in until we were up or down
by at least five goals and then at
halftime the coach said you know why I
put green on because at least he cares I
was like a motivational tool anyway back
to t-ball I had a pretty good season
that year owing to the fact that I was
one to three years older than all of my
fellow competitors and then came the end
of season awards banquet like all the
other kids I got a small participation
award but then they started handing out
the real trophies the ones that you got
if you were selected for the t-ball
all-star team which I was not but then
the coach said and this year's
alternates for the all-star team are
some kids named and John Green I was an
alternate star an almost star should an
all-star get injured or otherwise be
indisposed I would become an all-star
and if we won the all-star game I would
get a trophy there was only one problem
our family was scheduled to be out of
town during the all-star game visiting
my grandparents which clearly needed to
be rescheduled because I was an
alternate for the all-star team they
were counting on me what if I argued to
my parents one of the all-stars
contracts chicken pox is the all-star
game going to get called off because the
alternate is unavailable or is the all
going to go into the all-star game hit
the winning a home run and get a trophy
eventually my parents settled on a
solution we would still go visit my
grandparents and I would miss the
all-star game but I would get a trophy
to be precise my parents went to the
trophy store and had a trophy made for
me that said John Green 1984 all-star in
our hearts I mean it's the ultimate
participation trophy not only did I not
earn it my parents paid for it so I
would feel like a winner even though I
was not a winner so how did this
experience affect me I don't know I
think I turned out mostly okay my
parents always praised my effort much
more than my achievements like even now
when something nice happens to one of my
books my mom is much more likely to say
I know you worked really hard on that
story than congratulations on winning
that award I think the all-star in our
hearts trophy was an extension of that
and for a while I was really proud of it
I mean I had almost been an all-star and
then it became a funny story to tell hey
cuz he talked about on Friday people ask
us all the time if we're competitive as
brothers and we are in the sense that
when we play sports or board games I
definitely want to win but if somebody
pointed out in comments the word compete
comes from the Latin words Puteri
meaning to seek or to strive and calm
meaning together I don't see your
success as my failure because it isn't
my failure we are striving together to
be honest I'm not sure the social order
ought to reinforce the idea that you
winning means someone else losing
because life is not a zero-sum game nor
do I think we should teach kids that
winning and high achievement are the
only praiseworthy outcomes I think we
need to raise teammates who know how to
collaborate and how to strive together
in short I think we all need to learn
how to participate
Hank an absolutely remarkable thing
comes out one week from today and I am
so proud of you because I know how hard
you worked on it I'll see you on Friday