Or regret an uncomfortable feeling that someone is to have seen is projecting their stuff onto others
Not those things so your feeling is just energy and the energy kick hey guys welcome back
Thanks for joining me this week so in this week's video
I wanted to kind of keep going with emotional abuse, and I wanted to dive into
projection and
Kind of teach you what projection is how to know when someone is
Actually projecting their own stuff onto you and go over positive
Projection so when we project our own fantasies or own wants onto someone else
So I also apologize for my voice
I've been a little sick this past week so my voice is a little hoarse
So just forgive me and bear with me, but let's get right into this week's video
So let's start at the beginning with what is projection projection is when someone has a feeling of
you know maybe guilt or shame or
Regret an uncomfortable feeling that someone is having and because they don't know how to deal with that feeling they need to project that
Feeling onto someone else so the reason why people do this number one?
It's done on an unconscious level, so if someone is projecting their stuff onto others then they're not consciously aware of it
So they're not aware. Oh my god. I'm having an uncomfortable feeling and I don't know what to do
I don't know how to parent myself or I love myself through that
Feeling I was never taught those things so you know what I'm gonna. Do I'm gonna give it to someone else
They're not consciously aware that they're doing that they just know that they have something in themselves a feeling
That they don't want to acknowledge
Or deal with and because they don't have the strength or the courage
Or the knowledge to really know how to process their own feelings
they're going to take those negative feelings and put them on to someone else so a feeling is just energy and
the energy can't stay inside of us it has to come out so if we have an
Uncomfortable feeling that we don't want to experience and we're suppressing it there's only so much suppression
We do before it comes out in other ways so either comes out in anxiety or panic or depression or addiction
Of many kinds or
or projection you know these are just the production is just another way of kind of releasing the pressure off of
oneself
in order to make themselves feel better with projection someone really just
feels ashamed
For what they're feeling inside they don't know how to deal with what they're feeling
You know most of us were not taught this stuff. We weren't taught
the healthy
Mechanisms and ways to deal and process our feelings we were never taught how to master our emotions
And this is just basic stuff that all children should be taught how to do
But if your parents didn't know how to do it for themselves then they wouldn't be able to teach you and again
This is no one's fault
It's just a lack of knowledge and self-awareness so really what happens with projection and again
It's done unconsciously is
I'm having a feeling that I don't want to experience because I'm afraid to feel it and
That's something that I always found you know shocking why?
We as human beings are so scared of our feelings like we just don't want to feel them
and
There's it's just a feeling and a feeling comes in a feeling goes and as long as you learn how to love yourself
how to parent yourself through a feeling and this is what you know, I'm definitely teaching on this channel
And I'll go into further detail in
Videos to come is how to deal with what we're feeling how to parent ourselves how to love ourselves
Through what we're feeling and as long as you know how to do that stuff
You can feel any feeling because you're not gonna die from having a feeling
It's just a feeling and like I said a feeling will come and a feeling will go
When a feeling doesn't go is when you don't know how to love yourself and take care of yourself through that feeling you don't know
how to coach yourself through that feeling and so the feeling kind of stays stuck
Because you're listening to that negative ego that negative part of yourself
That's playing that worried feeling that guilt that that regret all of those negative feelings is what our ego
just keeps playing over and over again and because you're listening to that tape and you don't know how to shut the tape off or
change the tape the feeling just kind of stays within us and
When we no longer want to keep listening to that tape and experiencing those feelings?
We will get rid of that feeling in different ways and like I said that's with addiction and other things
But or purchase a really projection is just when someone
Essentially is attacking you so if you feel someone's coming at you with a lot of anger with a lot of
You know pointing of the finger and just attacking you
That's because they don't want to sit in their own feelings and again
This is a very broad
Topic so it could the feeling that this person is experiencing could be a ton of different things
But because they don't know how to deal with it
They need to put it on someone else and so they want to put it on you
So they're gonna attack you they're gonna blame you they're gonna
shame you
They're gonna make you feel guilty and all of these things in order to take that feeling that's within them within their their own
selves and give it to someone else so and this is why narcissists are famous for this stuff because
Essentially what it means is the person doesn't want to take responsibility or accountability?
For their own feelings for their own behaves you like I said really anyone can project their stuff on to you
so if I did something wrong in the relationship, and I don't want to take
Accountability or responsibility if I feel shame and maybe a little bit of guilt for what I did
And I don't want to acknowledge any of that
I'm gonna blame you and I'm gonna make you the reason why I did what I did so there
That's projection right there another form of projection is for example if I wanted to go back to school
Or if I wanted to start a new business
or
You know if I wanted to just do something that took a lot of courage and strength and you voice that to say a friend
Or a parent or whoever and they immediately start giving you all the reasons why it's not going to work out
they're essentially projecting their own fears and insecurities and
Possibly reasons why they didn't want to do something with their lives and take that step on to you
So they don't want to feel maybe the guilt or the shame themselves that they didn't take that step in life
And they didn't go after that job
They really wanted to or you know have the courage to leave a great job and start something that you know might be difficult
But it's something that I really enjoy doing and it's my passion
maybe they didn't have the cards to do that in their life or go back to school or whatever the situation is and
Because they have that shame and maybe that guilts inside for their own stuff in their own life
They're gonna project that onto you and they're gonna make you feel
They're gonna give you all of their worries fears and doubts that they played in their mind
when they were possibly thinking of doing the same thing so
Projection is it's a tricky thing it's not something
That's really black and white and it can be experienced in a ton of different ways and like I said a narcissist
Definitely loves projection. It's aside from manipulation
I think projection is just they just are cousins to a narcissist notice
This is absolutely love to project because they don't want to take any accountability or responsibility for their own actions
And they can't look at themselves as anything other than perfect so it's always someone else's fault
Why things have happened?
They're gonna
shame you
They're gonna guilt you they're gonna make you they're gonna give you all of the things that they are essentially feeling inside
and if you haven't learned how to love yourself if you don't have a healthy sense of self if you don't know how to
master your emotions
Then every time someone projects their stuff on to you. You're gonna get defensive
You're gonna argue back
you're gonna want to tell this person who you are and
You know defend yourself
Like all day long to this person about how you know?
You're not this and you're not that and all of these things you're gonna get so wrapped up in this conversation
Because you haven't learned what projection is and you don't even realize that what someone is doing
Has nothing to do with you you're taking everything personally because you haven't learned
These tactics that emotionally abusive people will use on their victims
So how do you know when someone is actually projecting one of the quickest ways you can know is?
projection always comes with anger so like I said earlier when someone gets very
Aggressive with you and angry with you and you feel like they're kind of pointing the finger and blaming you
And it's done in an aggressive way
Take a look take a step back and look at the whole scenario that you're in right now and see is this person projecting
because 9 times out of 10
They usually are you know if someone hurts your feelings?
Or if you feel a certain way, and you want to offer that information to someone else
That's not projection because most likely you're not coming with anger and blame and pointing of the finger
You are gonna take
responsibility for your part in a situation, and you're also going to tell the other person what you think and how you feel and
You do it in a calm way
You've mastered your emotions, and there's knowing or involved because you're just communicating when someone comes to at you very aggressively
You always number one need to learn how to mask your emotions. That's number one and number two again
take a step back and look at the whole situation and
You know it's always good to understand the person that you're dealing with and I'm sure that they are
Projecting their stuff onto you so for a narcissist one of the things that they love to say is you know you're crazy
You're selfish everything is about you. You're always so judgmental you're always nitpicking
Just these small little phrases
Which are basically just little flecks to kind of you know get the attention off of them and turn it on to you
And again if you're not healthy, and you don't know how to hold on to yourself
And you don't have a healthy sense of self
Then you're gonna get wrapped up in that conversation and you're gonna take on that person's
Projection and that's the worst thing that you can do
Number one you have to learn when someone's projecting and number two you have to learn how to handle a projection
Because really what a person is trying to do is they're trying to
Relieve the pressure and the uncomfortable feelings that they're having they're trying to
Force that energy to go somewhere else
And that's why they're projecting it on to someone else in hopes that that person will take it from them
So it'll relieve a little bit of pressure off themselves and they'll feel better and that's really what someone's doing
So when you get involved in the conversation and you get angry and you start defending and all of these things then
You're a set
They're essentially projecting onto you and you're taking it and so the energy now is transferred
But when you really hold on to yourself
And you don't get involved in any of that and you just treat the person
Kind of like you would a toddler in that I'm actually not crazy, and now you're becoming abusive
And I'm no longer engaging in this conversation when you want to calm down we can speak like healthy adults
And then you kind of disengage from it or you realize or you even tell the person you know
I really don't believe what you have to say and that has nothing to do with me
I think that's your own stuff, and then just walk away
It's so important to stay calm when you're dealing with an emotionally abusive person, and it's not easy
It's definitely not but the more you practice this stuff the more you learn
You know all of these different types of tactics that abusive people and narcissistic people
Will use on their victims or really just anyone then it becomes easier?
And that is self loving and that's self empowering and that is you really learning how to take care of yourself?
So what do you do when someone actually is projecting their stuff onto you and I kind of just went over this briefly
You know not not getting involved in these conversations and not taking on that projection not defending not getting angry not over
Explaining any of those things, but the other thing is and this is really important because it's especially true
if someone's projecting their stuff on to you and that person is someone that you really love and care for and
It's really hurtful when you know someone is projecting their stuff and even if you kind of called them out on it
They probably wouldn't still even be able to acknowledge it number one, but the most important thing
Also is you really need to love yourself through that process it's really hurtful when you're trying to just be
honest and vulnerable with someone and
They just don't want to hear it and a lot of people can't hear it because they don't want to open that window
You know not they're they're just some people that just really can't go there, and they can't
consciously
You know they can't be they're not mindful, and they're not aware of their thoughts and feelings
And they don't want to own their thoughts and feelings like
they just want to live on autopilot at the same stuff over and over again the same unhealthy behaviors and
They're not the type of person that
really want to
Learn how to challenge themselves and grow and become a better human being they're just really happy with where they are on what they're doing
so and that kind of stinks
Especially when it's someone that we really love and they're getting angry and nitpicking and attacking us and you have to be able to
Really, love yourself and know that whatever that person is doing or saying it has nothing to do with you
And that is so so helpful. It's helpful in
emotionally abusive relationships, it's helpful in narcissistic abuse of
narcissistic relationships
Just to understand that what someone is doing has nothing to do with you and again
This doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt and then it's not hurtful
But it just helps to take your own ego out of it and it helps to
Take a little bit of a sting away, and when you really
Accept that concept and know that that that just is the reality it actually is easier for you to start managing. You're
mastering your emotions and managing your emotions because
When you take things so personally, and you think something really is about you then
It's easy to get emotionally involved in that, but when you know it really has nothing to do with you
And you know how to love yourself
It's easier to kind of pull that you know get that wall up and have all of that
Projection and abuse just deflect off and you'll learn how to stand up for yourself
And you'll learn how to you know set boundaries and know how to enforce
Because you love yourself and you come first so the other thing that I wanted to go over was
Positive projection, and this is something that I know I've done before
And if you are a codependent you definitely do this and I see this more so
with women because we are a more emotional at times and
this is especially the case when people are out there dating so if I'm out there dating and
You know I'm just feeling insecure or I'm doubting the process or I'm really lonely and I'm eager to get into a relationship
And I feel like that you know being in a relationship is just gonna fill me up inside
And I haven't learned how to do that for myself then
You know when times get tough, and no one's really coming and all of a sudden
and we meet someone and they
Seem to have a lot of what we're looking for but there are these other things that they don't have it's very easy to
project our own
desires our own wants our own fantasies onto someone else
So if we're looking for you know a great girlfriend
Or a great wife and this person seems to have some of it
But they're showing us red flags that they're not really a family man
And that she probably wouldn't be the mother that I would want for my children or you know again, whatever
Then but we're insecure and we're lonely and we are starting to doubt the process
I mean don't trust the universe then we're going to project. We're going to you know
Project everything we want onto this person without them even proving themselves
And I see this so so often you know a couple months into a relationship
And we have just you know I have clients and I know people and I've done it myself where you just project
Everything you want onto this person because everything is so amazing
And we want to believe that everyone is a good person and everyone has the same you know Kyle uses me
And you know what's the same things as me?
And that's really just not the case you really just have to go into every relationship
Whether that's romantic friendship anything with your eyes wide open and just being
Not necessarily a realist or a pessimist not thinking that everyone is good or everyone is bad
It's not that black and white it's just saying. I don't know you at all, and I love myself to know that I deserve
To get to know you first to see who you actually are that's so important
So if you're getting to a certain age
And or you feel like maybe I should be married or it should be in a relationship
Or I need to be having kids, and you just rush all of this stuff
And you don't give yourself time to
Really, let a person show you who they are and again like Maya Angelou says when someone shows you who they are believe them
then
You're always going to project
Whatever it is that you want onto other people?
So I hope that this video has helped you guys understand projection a little bit better
I hope that is helped you to know how to deal when someone actually is projecting their own stuff onto you
It's so so important to know when someone's projecting and it's important to know how to handle it and also how to deal with
Positively projecting our stuff onto other people so I again. I hope this video has helped you guys out there
Please give it a thumbs up if you liked it leave any comments down below
I love reading all of your comments and questions, and I will see you next week