The other day I had an audition and it went really well...
Until the end when I opened up my dumb mouth and I said:
- "Umm, thanks so much. Shoul-should I exit here?"
(music stops)
The only freaking door in the room.
- Uh, yeah. Unless you want to walk through the walls, ah ah ah !
Freeze frame on my big stupid face.
Now the moment that question came out of my mouth I really wanted to take it back
but alas, sometimes you say some stupid shit and someone else was there to unfortunately hear it.
But luckily, I'm not the only person who does this, right?
Like one time, I told someone that my sister died and they said:
- Oh no, is she okay?
- Well... no.
Now, that was definitely stupider than me asking if I should exit the room through a door.
Or was it?
You know what? Never mind. I'll just-I'll just light myself on fire now.
I deserve this.
This is how I deserve to go. I mean what a stupid question, right?
"Oh, should I go through this hole, that's the only way to get out of here ? Should I stay here with you for all time?"
"This portal that's sole function is an entrance and an exit? That's fine."
"The fire burning me alive feels better than the shame I feel inside right now."
The worst is when years later you like remember that awful moment in time.
and just completely relive it.
- "Thank you so much."
"Umm, should I exit here?" Oh, you idiot.
Oh, not you baby. No, you are perfect baby. You look purrrfect baby.
But that makes me wonder. Like everyone has had to say stupid stuff, right? Like everybody.
So what's the dumbest thing that Michelle Obama has said?
"What's the number for 911 again? Oh, stupid thing to ask. I should just google it."
or the Queen of England?
"No Charles, it's called an arse-tray. Otherwise, why would they call them cigarette butts?"
(chuckles)
"Silly dear, mommy knows best."
Or Scarlett Johansson?
"Hi I'm Scarlett Johansson and I'm playing Major Motoko Kusanagi in the upcoming Ghost in the Shell feature film."
(ding)
Zing.
But what's the stupidest thing that someone's ever said to you or you said to someone else.
and did you want to light yourself on fire too? Hm?
I'm Anna Akana
Stay awesome Gotham
Oh, but before you go just so you know I'm at VidCon at Booth 1408.
Between my panel schedule. You should come on by I'll be selling Ghost and Stars with my parents! 'Cause I'm cool.
And I also have these live stand-up shows. But always new shows are shown at AnnaAkana.com/shows.
And finally, I used to write Inuyasha fan fiction when I was 13 with the pen name 'Lightning'.
and I'm back at it, but it's original fiction, on wattpad.com/annaakana
so if you want to read... things...
my words... come on by.
I'd like to say thank you to squarespace for sponsoring today's episode.
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