Imagine this.
You consistently say yes. To.
Requests, even when they. Drain your energy.
Yes, yes, yes. You bite your tongue.
When someone insults you because you don't want to deal with the conflict.
Over time, you.
Become a. Simmering pot of resentment.
That shows up in snarkiness and low self-worth.
These are just some of the outcomes of having weak boundaries.
I’m Dr. Tracey Marks, a psychiatrist, and I make mental health education videos.
Today, I'm going to give you five signs that you need stronger boundaries.
Number one is overcommitting or people pleasing.
An example of this is consistently agreeing to take on tasks
when you feel overloaded.
You may fear disappointing the person or feared that.
Saying no will feel. Mean or withholding.
We all have a narrative identity.
This is the.
Story about yourself that you have in your head that brings together
your past, present and future and gives you purpose.
I will.
Talk more in detail about narrative.
Identity and how.
To uncover yours in another video.
That will be linked to this one.
Let's say part of your narrative. Identity is.
That you're not a selfish person.
And that selfishness is saying no to something that you're capable of doing.
There are no unreasonable.
Requests, and if you have the ability.
Or skill. To do something.
There's no legitimate reason to say no.
Saying no is denying others.
You could believe this because this attitude was.
Modeled for.
You by an. Authority figure or someone.
That you looked up to.
And this didn't have.
To be during childhood. You could have been in.
An adult relationship with a person with a strong personality.
Who convinced you that saying no is selfish.
Or you could be very sensitive to other people's feelings
and have a low threshold of tolerance for seeing people disappointed?
Whatever the source, if this is your mindset, you will be prone to.
Overcommitting to things and.
Doing things that you'd really don't want.
To do but feel obligated to do to. Spare.
Someone else disappointment.
What can you do about this?
Keep in mind.
That strengthening boundaries is an iterative process.
You make small changes and continue to revise.
The power behind.
Saying know will.
Come from identifying your needs.
Once in values.
First so that you can remind yourself of why you're saying. No.
Your need or.
Value is the justification. For saying. No.
Then start by saying.
No to low stakes situations.
These are things that have the.
Least personal. Impact.
The small no's will help you build the confidence to say
no to the bigger things, like things that only you can do.
And lots of people would benefit if you would.
Just give your time.
To this to make saying no. Easier.
Prepare a script or rehearse a response for common.
Situations. And remind yourself.
That saying no is an act of.
Self-care and not a rejection of others.
Number two is feeling responsible for others emotions.
An example of this is constantly.
Worrying about making others upset or angry and changing your own behavior.
To keep people happy, even at the expense.
Of your own.
Well-being. An intervention for.
This is to develop.
Self-awareness by recognizing when you're absorbing other people's.
Emotions.
When there are strong emotions. In the.
Air. Practice distinguishing between what you actually feel and.
What the other person is expressing.
You'll need to remind yourself that you're not responsible for how others feel.
Number three, being unable to express your personal needs or opinions.
So in a relationship.
You don't. Express your desires or. Opinions.
You go along with. What the other person wants.
Neglecting your own needs.
And this is pretty common.
If you're conflict. Avoidant.
You'd rather go along with what the other person.
Says than challenge them.
Or ruin the mood with your contrary opinion.
Here's one thing you can do.
Start by identifying your own needs and opinions in private.
Through journaling or self-reflection or through the narrative.
Identity exercise that I'll talk about next week.
Think of opinions that.
You've held back on expressing for fear of starting an argument or being.
Judged.
Practice spontaneously voicing these.
Opinions around people who are supportive.
And open minded
so they won't mind you saying these things and give you the space to do so.
This practice will help you build up to expressing.
Them in situations.
Where you can't predict the reactions.
Number four is feeling guilty when prioritizing.
Yourself, and this. Is related.
To being unable to say no.
But this is specifically.
Around the issue of putting yourself first.
When you do say no.
Or think. About saying no.
An example is feeling a ton of guilt when you set aside.
Time for self-care or personal interests.
You don't feel good about doing that because you believe it's a waste.
Of productive time or selfish.
Not to be available to. Others.
Here's an. Example.
Let's say you're an accountant by trade, and during tax season,
when you're working long hours, your friend asks.
You to give them a call later this evening so they can run some ideas.
By you regarding their taxes before they meet with their accountant.
Or worse, your good friend asks.
If you don't mind. Giving their sister. Some advice.
And you're not friends with their sister.
Now, at the.
End of the workday you're.
Exhausted and you need downtime.
The last thing you want to do is come home and spend an hour
on the phone talking business with someone as a.
Favor to a friend.
You say no so that you can come home and watch television, but you can't.
Enjoy it very much. Because you feel guilty.
That you're. Choosing.
Television over your friend's request.
What you can do here is.
Challenge the validity.
Of your guilt inducing thoughts and.
Replace them with affirmations that emphasize the importance of self-care.
Recognize that taking care of yourself.
Enables you.
To be more present and supportive of others.
Number five is sharing personal information
too quickly or with the wrong people.
In this.
Scenario, you overshare personal history or secrets
in inappropriate settings or before you've.
Established trust.
A solution. Here is to develop.
A checklist of what.
Information you are comfortable sharing with whom and under what circumstances.
To help you get started.
Here are some.
Topics to think twice about before disclosing medical conditions.
And treatment.
Mental health conditions and struggles.
Issues with.
Parents, siblings, or extended. Family.
Past trauma experiences.
Past problems in romantic relationships.
Controversial political or religious.
Views and finances.
Like your salary. Debt and spending habits.
This is not an exhaustive.
List and they are not topics that are completely.
Off limits.
They are topics that require you to read the room first.
Because they may make people feel.
Uncomfortable, judged, vulnerable, or overwhelmed.
Just to name a few emotions that these topics could evoke.
To use a business analogy, it's like doing a hard sell to a cold lead.
You need a certain amount of permission to share some.
Things with people, and likewise, the.
Other person should earn your trust before you share intimate.
Details. Of your. Mental life.
If you have.
Loose boundaries, you likely struggle to.
Know what's too intimate too soon.
And that's where pausing.
And thinking about these things can help you gain.
Better control over what you share.
For more on understanding your mental life and your narrative.
Identity, watch this video.
If you don't see it yet, it's coming soon.
Thanks for watching. Today. See you next time.