You know, this video's been a LOOOONG time coming.
I wasn't even sure if I was going to make it this far, to be honest.
Because FIVE Twilight movies it a lot to ask of ANYONE.
But then again, if I can do 3 seasons of Riverdale, I can probably make it through anything.
But all the same, here we are at the end of the road.
Its finally time to finish the Twilight Saga with Twilight Breaking Dawn Part 2.
So as per the ending of part 1, Bella woke up and is not trying to get used to her new
"Vampire-hood-ness-ship"
(this is the music I had to change)
Hey Bella...
You're a lot stronger than I am right now...
You know Edward, I saw you take your shirt off in the second movie.
So I'm pretty sure that's always been the case.
But okay, whatever you say
Anyway, so now that's Bella's finally awake, naturally she wants to see her daughter.
BUTT, there's a little something she has to do first.
Renesmee...
(laughs in anemic)
She's incredible...
Where is she, I have to see her.
Wait wait
you need to get your thirst under control.
Well shoot, I mean I've been saying that since like 3 movies ago.
So, they both go out hunting for some aminals, and give us the greatest CG I've ever seen.
I mean, come on, Avatar WHO?!
Now after this whole thing is over, Edward and Bella go back home, and who do you think
is waiting there for them?
You're still here...
So are you.
I would...
I would keep my distance for now
It's safer for the baby to see how you do with me first.
Since when do you care about Renesmee?
Oh yeah, funny story Bella!
You better sit down for this one, okay.
Couple things might have happened while you were asleep, but TRUST me!
You're gonna laugh.
Alright Jacob, let her have it.
(Jacob and Edward start to rethink all their life choices)
Alright...
take a whiff
(snorts all over the mic)
wut??
Boy what a way to change the conversation, huh?
So Bella goes inside and finally meets her daughter for the first time since... ever?
I guess.
And she has pretty much the same reaction we all did.
someone's been waiting to meet you
Rose
(OMGWHATISTHATZXCCZXCZ)
Uhhh... what the heck's going on with the baby, guys?!
A-a-anybody else seeing this?!
iS tHIs peRManEnt?!
But that's when she learns the truth about what Jacob was about to tell her before he
did the whole like "pull my finger" thing, or whatever that was.
YOU IMPRINTED ON MY DAUGHTER?!
it wasn't my choice
SHE'S A BAAAAAAAAAAABY!!
But then, Jacob tries to explain why "Its actually not that weirrrrd to fall in love
with a baby, okay guys.
PSSSHHHHHHH
Only god can judge me!"
Do you remember how much you wanted to be around me 3 days ago?
That's gone now, right?
LONG GONE
Because it as her...
From the beginning, it was Ness from Smash Brothers who wanted me there...
Nothing ever made sense before...
you, me, any of it.
and now I understand why
This was the reason
OK, hold on Jacob.
Let me just make sure I understand here.
So everything between you and Bella over these 5 movies
was because you and her baby that wasn't even made yet
were actually in love with each other
this whole time...
so like in the movie theater or that time you jumped in Bella's window with your shirt off
that was weird, but anyway...
all of this was just you having a thing for he baby she was GONNA have...
iN tHE fuTuRE?!
Well nothing weird about that Jacob, makes perfect sense.
Alright its just... its just a nice wholesome family movie, right guys?
(starts to wonder why he watched all 5 of these movies)
WHAT!
Anyway, the next day
Bella realizes she still has a dad
But of course she can't tell him anything about what's happened
because you know, that's against... the rules... or something.
Is that Charlie?
He's been calling twice a day...
I'm gonna miss this place
We'll come back, we always do...
Nobody said anything about leaving
Once people believe Bella's dead, we can't risk anyone seeing her
Now Jacob isn't a fan of this idea
because that would be he has to be away from
So he goes over to Bella's dad's house
and things take a sharp turn.
I need to see Bella.
Look!
here goes nothing...
(proceeds to take clothes off while everyone watching wonders if it's not too late to switch to another movie)
you don't live in the world you think you do...
(Romantic music plays...
Bella's dad starts to feel something strange bubble inside him.
Could it be...?
Nope, it's just last night's Taco Bell left overs....)
(...unless...)
Anyway, so Jacob tells Bella's dad about werewolves, and that Bella is alive and everything's fine.
Relatively speaking.
But of course, he doesn't just come out and say what happened to her because
the last thing any parent wants to hear is that their kid's gonna be emo forever, you
know what I mean
So after Jacob does his magic mike... thing
Bella's dad goes over to the Cullen's house to see what's going on.
I really think it would be better if-
I wanna know what happened to ya
I can't tell you...
I think I deserve an explanation
If you really need one, I can't stay here
Oh COME ON!
No!
No more going away!
Dad you just gonna have to trust that for whatever reason...
I'm alright
I mean I just watched a kid I've known his entire life turn into a VERY large dog.
Oh you think that's bad, heh
You should see have of these kids on Deviant Art
So then they show him Renesmee and tell him that she is their adopted niece.
And I mean sure, that's all great and everything
but like
WHAT IS GOING ON WITH THIS KID?!
I mean the head
is not even attached to the body?!
I know this is an old meme at this point and I'm like really late to the party or whatever
But this movie just has so much... everything.
and you know, apparently in the original cut, they were actually going to use like an animatronic
doll for the baby?
but like I don't see how it could possibly have been any worse than what we-
OH MY GOOODNESSSSSS
what's...
what's going on here?!
wh-wha---wut--
WHAT IS THIS-
(everything I thought I knew is a lie.
my soul has been ripped from my body)
what happened...
WHATTTT?!?!?
Anyway, skipping ahead a little bit
Renesnee has now grown up because she ages really fast for some mysterious reason
and Bella's getting used to her new life of doing...
pretty much nothing.
I mean like really
they don't eat, they don't sleep, no one goes to school anymore, it doesn't look like anyone has a job or anything,
So like what're you guys even doing?!
Anyway, one day, Alice gets a vision of the future.
(creepy piano music)
(cool trombones and stuff)
So basically, here's what's going on
One of the Cullen's extended family saw Bella and Renesmee playing in the snow one day
and say that Renesmee has like superpowers or whatever
Now, this person goes to the Vampire Counsel
and tells them that Bella turned her kid into a Vampire.
I have to report a crime
The Cullens...
they've done something... terrible
which is, I guess, one of the worst things you can do
because, you know, Vampire kids can't keep secrets
they can't control themselves
it's just kinda bad news for everybody
So now, the whole counsel is coming to Forks to deal with Renesmee and the whole Cullen
family
So the next chunk of the movie is the Cullens going around the world gathering every vampire
friend they've ever made
So they can meet Renesmee and see that she's not actually a full vampire (just has a face that floats in the air by itself but that's cool)
and in the middle of all this
we also learn about Bella's TTHHuper-PowerTTHH
Edward, you didn't tell me your wife was a shield
what's a shield?
The one's I've met are so different...
it's a defensive talent
that's why I couldn't read your mind, even before
Okay, wait a second!
So, Edward couldn't read Bella's mind in the first movie
because she has TTHHuper-PowerTTHH that she... could use... even though...
she wasn't a vampire yet
because clearly this was all planned out from the beginning.
Remember back when this was all just about some awkward loner girl falling in love with
the weird emo kid who wears body glitter or whatever?
REMEMBER THOSE DAYS?!
and now it's just like,
X-MEN: ANEMIC EDITION
Anyway, so we're just gonna skip ahead a little bit here...
(Baby Bottle Pop Commercial plays because my childhood was maybe the only time I've been truly happy and listening to this commercial
takes me back to a place where I didn't have to think about anything except getting home after school in time to watch Gargoyles)
Ah, not quite
Uhhhh, okay, here we go.
So eventually, the Vampire Counsel shows up with all their little buddies
and it's finally time to do... whatever they're gonna do.
So the creepy uncle touchy vampire leader guy calls Renesmee over to check whether she
is or is not, in fact, a Vampire.
HAHAHAHAHAHEHEHEHAHAHHEHEHAHHEHEHEHE
You know I was giving Jacob a hard time earlier
but at least he never did that!
So turns out, there's no problem with Renesmee, no one broke any rules, everything's on the
up and up (whatever that means)
And even Alice offers to show that creepy laugh guy proof that there's nothing to worry about.
Alice, we're so glad to see you here after all.
I have evidence the child won't be a risk to our kind
(shows him all her dumb Coachella photos of her doing the same poses on a desert and pretend it wasn't just a huge waste of money)
It doesn't matter what I show you
You still won't change your descision
BWWAAAAAAA
So yeah, it turns out the head Vampire guy was already going to get rid of the Cullens
and Renesmee anyway
because, you know, what if she's dangerous... some how
then a big fight breaks out where everyone gets to use all their cool super powers
'cause... that's what this movie is now, I guess.
Anyway, so this fight goes on for a really long time
and just when Edward and friends are about to win...
haha! Surprise!
It was all a dream... vision... thing
Pssshh, he hehh, look at you guys getting all excited for no reason!
And then right after this
2 vampires from the Brazilian Amazon show up
no joke here, this is actually... what happens in the movie
and they're like,
"We have a half vampire guy and he's not do bad"
and the head vampire dude is like,
"oh ok, dat's cool"
and everyone just walks away problem solved
so yeah I guess you could say this movie doesn't make a whole lot of sense
Now, in the end
all the other vampires say their goodbyes and go home to do... whatever vampires do
Becuase, you know what?
The real half-vampire baby was the friends we made a long the way
Also just a quick aside here
You know how when we first met Edward and his family and we were like introduced to
whole idea of vampires, or whatever?
and it was all about how they're so beautiful and perfectly groomed and all that stuff?
That's Edward Cullen, totally creepy... obviously...
Well turns out that's ONLY the Cullens, I guess
Because like, every other guy here looks like someone you would see outside the train station
selling bracelets they made out of, like, belly-button lint.
Anyway, so now that everyone's safe and the big conflict is over
We cut to Edward and Bella sitting in a flower field for the 500 TIME!
sharing a mOMeNt
I wanna show you something
Uhh, if this is about that mole on your back that looks like Bette Midler taking a dump
I told you, once was one time too many, alright
But actually she somehow just shows him this vision of, like, every Twilight movie and
how they met and all that stuff
and you know, it's all like
sUPeR RoMAntiC
and that where this movie, and the whole Twilight Saga, comes to and end.
I know I already said this my Breaking Dawn Part 1 video,
but back when Twilight was just like a cheesy romance story or whatever
it was fine
you know, the whole like Edward vs Jacob was.. dumb
BUT
I can totally understand the appeal of it
I mean, sure, it's all about the fantasy, right?
Like having your High School crush like you back
I mean, that'd be pretty cool, right?!
Not that I would know
But TWO OF THEM?!
Hah, can you imagine!
Having that much free time?!
OH WHAT A DREAM
But by the time you get to, like, the last 3 movies
I mean it just goes all over... the... everywhere
and just nothing makes any sense
especially when they try and, like, explain everything
Like Bella's Super Powers, or Jacob's thing for babbis
you know, just a whole lot of information nobody asked for
Now that being said,
I am actually a little surprised there hasn't been anything else done in the Twilight Universe.
Because I mean it was SOOO successful and culturally significant
fOr bEtTEr oR wORse
you'd think someone would come along and..
huh
(whispers)
Really?
50 Shades is a Twilight Spin-off?!
Oh dear...
you know, coming to the end of series is always kind of a bitter-sweet type of thing
I mean like, you know, I've done trilogies before
I did the High School Musical movies
Um, I did, you know I did Camp Rock 1 and 2
And now I'm doing Descendants
Descendants 3 comes out in just a couple weeks
and its like, doing a trilogy is one thing
but Twilight is like a 5 movie series, you know what I mean
and so its like coming to the very end of it now
on one hand, like, whatever you think of the characters and the story and whatever
not that I was, like, overly attached to it but its like
you know, I saw it from beginning to end and I saw how the characters change and all that
and then on the other hand, I'm thinking:
wHy dID i dO tHIs?!
But still
I said this many times now, I guess I'm just kind of repeating myself, but its like
the first ttwwooooo Twilight movies on their own are actually not really that bad
I mean they're dumb and cheesy but it's like
Okay, alright, you know, girl falls in love with a vampire and a werewolf and they fight
over her about who's the best, whatever
that's fine, I get the appeal of that
but you know, five movies... four books and five movies is a lot for a story like this
At the end they're just shoehorning in, like, everything they possibly can
Its kind of like Riverdale where its like
season 1 of Riverdale was just this little like
teen mystery... drama type thing and it was fine
and then now, in Riverdale, its just like I don't even know what anyone's trying to
do or be anymore
its just all over the place
But yeah so that is Twilight you know, I actually made it to the very end
like I said in the very beginning of the video
I didn't actually think I was gonna make it that far
I made the first video, and the 2nd one and then I was kinda like,
"I don't know I'm really going to go all the way to the end of this"
and then here we are at the very end, so I hope you enjoyed it.
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brush your teeth, wear your seatbelt, flossing is very important)