- [Vanessa and Talbott] Hi everyone!
- [Talbott] I'm Talbott.
- [Vanessa] And I'm Vanessa.
- [Talbott] And we're here to tell the story.
- [Vanessa] Of St. Patrick.
- [Talbott] Our story begins...
- [Vanessa and Talbott] Deep in a wooded thicket.
- [Talbott] In the middle of Scotland,
there lived a young man. His name...
- Dude, leprechauns are Irish.
- Was Patrick, and he had immigrated from Ireland.
- Yeah!
- [Talbott] He drove a Lamborghini sports car.
- [Vanessa] 'Cause he was rich.
- [Talbott] This is the story about
how he got his wealth. The fairies
visited him when he was born.
(kids making spooky noises)
I am a mystical fairy! - A mystical creature!
- I'm just imagining a fairy that's
a male just covered in chest hair.
(Vanessa retching)
- [Talbott] Zero years old.
- 12, he was 12. - 'Cause he was just born.
He was just born - He was 12, Talbott.
- when the fairy visited him. - He was 12.
- [Talbott] On his 12th birthday, the fairies visited him.
(magical jingling)
They bestowed him with magical powers.
- Flap flap! Flap flap!
What kind of powers, Talbott?
- [Talbott] Ability to conjure up pots of gold.
- And rainbows. - And finally, the ability
- [Talbott] to throw a rainbow into the sky.
But, St. Patrick was not understood by his fellow villagers.
- [Vanessa] With all his new powers,
and not being accepted by his village,
Patrick had a lot of long walks
by himself in the woods.
- [Talbott] When he was 14, he met
a talking squirrel named Fred,
who had a deep Irish brogue.
"Hey man, can I help ya?" said Fred.
He was like, "Yes, I'm all alone,
"and I need a friend."
- [Vanessa] "Well I'll help ya!"
- [Talbott] "I'll help ya! If there's
"anything ya need doing, just call your Fred.
"I'm a squirrel and I'm talking!
"You want a shot of Jameson whiskey?" "No thank you,
- [Vanessa and Talbott] "I'm only 14."
- [Talbott] Fred was his constant companion,
until one day, the sky darkened,
and they had to fight the snake lord.
(hissing)
The original snake lord was 10,000 feet tall,
had a fiery head that scraped the sky,
and spit molten gold from three heads.
(spitting)
- [Vanessa] He had one of Patrick's powers, which was
throwing molten gold. - Conjuring and melting gold.
- [Talbott] After the great snake vanquished his enemies,
villagers would pick up his gold
and dance with joy, 'cause they were rich!
No, he wasn't. - No, he was bad.
- He was a bad guy.
He would brutally harm the villagers
and break down houses by whipping
them apart with his tail, and then
he would take his gold back.
- [Vanessa] He wanted to take all
the gold and eat it, and then make
more snake lords, 'cause he
pooped it out and it was eggs. - [Talbott] And then all the
snake lords would take over the world, and Fred said
(Vanessa making squirrel noises)
No, but he was a talking squirrel.
"We're gonna beat up the snake, the wee snaky."
The snake lord threw blazing showers
of gold all over Patrick,
but Patrick shielded-- - Patrick shielded himself
- [Vanessa] with rainbows!
- [Talbott] And soon, Fred the squirrel
was flying along. With his Irish brogue,
he said, "I'll get ya!" and punched
the snake lord right in the snout.
And the snake lord said, "Oh!"
and fell over, causing a mighty crunch.
All of the other snake lords looked in awe
as Patrick took a rainbow and whacked
the snake lord in the head with it.
(snapping sound)
- [Vanessa] The rest of the snake lords
came together, and they said,
"We miss our master. We must come
"together again, but in hiding."
"St. Patrick! I'll get you!"
- Okay, no.
But, the end of the battle was near.
Fred lay on the ground, a deep gash
in his side. "My side!"
Patrick ran over to his dear friend.
- [Vanessa] "Are you okay, friend?"
- [Talbott] But he was too late.
The squirrel had gone. Patrick was
so sad, he conjured up a great
rainbow and threw it into the sky
to honor his talking squirrel friend.
- [Vanessa] He gave up his powers
to conjure gold and conjure pots and rainbows
to all other elves and dwarves and folks.
- [Talbott] And since then, his children
have had the ability to conjure
and throw rainbows into the air, as
a memorial to the great squirrel Fred.
- R.I.P. Fred. - Rest in peace, Fred.
- [Talbott] The end.
- [Vanessa] 'Cause he wanted to save
someone's life, but he was sensible,
and he wanted a retirement fund
and good colleges for his kids,
so he stashed away some money,
and when he had his mid-life crisis,
he bought a Lamborghini.
- [Talbott] Agreed. And that's why
we celebrate St. Patrick's Day.
- In honor of Fred. - In honor of a talking
- [Talbott] squirrel and a mystical
fight with a giant snake.
- [Vanessa] The end.
- [Vanessa And Talbott] Happy St. Patrick's Day, everyone!
- [Talbott] I hope you all catch a leprechaun!
- And at that end of the rainbow, find a pot of gold.
- And ask him about Fred. He'll give you more info.
(kids yelling and laughing)
(boy speaking gibberish)
(girls laughing)
(girl screaming)
- What is that?
- A rotten egg!
- Pig's blood?
- It's coconut.
- [Woman Offscreen] Ernie, do you love Koji?
- Yeah.