- Like a hangover
neither triumphs nor disasters last forever.
You know they both pass and a new day arrives,
so you just try to make that new day count.
So to help you along the way
I'm going to share a few rules that I've picked up
during my life of disasters and triumphs.
I call them Helen's top five rules for a happy life.
Rule number one, don't be in a rush to get married.
(audience cheers and applauds)
You know I married my husband Taylor
a lot later in my life and it's worked great.
And always give your partner the freedom
and support to achieve their ambitions.
Number two, treat people just like people.
A long long time ago an actress friend of mine
did the most simple thing and taught me a huge lesson.
We were in the back seat of her car being driven
to the location where we were filming and she was a smoker
in those prehistoric days where you could smoke in the car
and she got out a cigarette and before she lit up
she offered the driver one,
so simple you know but thoughtful.
To her she wasn't a driver person but a person person.
A person person who might want to smoke.
Today she'd probably be arrested for attempted murder.
(audience laughs)
That's a lesson I never forgot
and I'm grateful to my actress friend to this day.
So remember that every single person
whether they have dominion over you life or not
deserves equal respect and generosity.
Number three, ignore anyone who judges the way you look
especially if he or she is
some anonymous creep lurking on the Internet.
(audience laughs)
And if you are that person lurking on the Internet, stop it.
Just stop it, go outside do something, weed the garden.
Number four, don't be afraid of fear.
These words bring me back to my high school
and our head mistress and she said these words to me
the moment I walked into her office
as a trembling 11 year old about to enter high school.
I'll never forget the words of that head mistress.
She said, "Don't be afraid of fear."
I think what she meant was don't let fear rule you.
Now sometimes it's wise to be afraid
like when you're about to take a dive
into a pool without enough water in it or drive drunk.
Moments like that, be afraid, be very afraid
and absolutely do not do it.
But for the moments when you are challenged by other fears
like oh am I good enough, am I smart enough, will I fail?
Throw caution to the winds, look fear straightaway
in its ugly face and barge forward.
And when you get past it, turn around,
give it a good swift kick in the ass.
Rule number five for a happy life.
Don't over complicate things
you can navigate each day
just by following some very practical advice
that I'm going to give you right now.
A few do's and don'ts.
Okay?
Don't put hot cups on waxed wooden surfaces.
In fact don't wax wooden surfaces.
As Corley said, don't procrastinate.
Do say Thank You when it's merited.
Don't procrastinate especially when
saying thank you when it's merited.
Don't lose your sense of humor.
I know I'm safe with that one
because you're here, you're in Tulane.
You guys have got a sense of humor.
Do confront bullies.
Don't procrastinate.
Do open your heart to love,
ah don't confuse sex with love.
You know love generally lasts longer than two minutes.
(audience laughs and claps)
Don't smoke tobacco or chew it
and I'm going to say it again.
Don't dive in to water if you don't know how deep it is.
And one more thing, listen to your instinct.
Grab the opportunity when it presents itself
and then give it your all.
(soft dramatic music)