Hey guys, this is Sam.
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(keys clicking)
There are a complex set of assumptions
and stereotypes surrounding the idea of virginity.
Where did these impressions come from?
The media?
Religion?
Or popular culture?
Does this say really anything about a person?
As you watch this episode of "Odd Man Out"
and pick the two moles,
think of what prior judgements inform your decision.
(jazzy music)
- [Male] We brought together seven virgins.
- I'm a virgin.
- I am a virgin.
- I'm a virgin.
- I am a virgin.
- I'm a virgin.
- [Male] Two of them are liars.
If the group discovers both the liars,
they'll split a cash prize.
If any of the liars survive, they win the entire prize.
Who is the odd man out?
- Why are you guys virgins?
- I'm a Christian-- - Hey!
- So like, nice!
Jesus! - Jesus! (laughs)
- Yeah, so like, I was raised, like--
- Same. - Yeah, whoo!
- Yeah? - Yes.
- Okay. - Me too.
- The fact that there are four Christians
kinda caught me off guard,
so I kinda thought that one of the Christians
wasn't a virgin.
- I grew up-- - All right.
- In a conservative Middle Eastern family,
so we just didn't grow up talking about that,
so I never felt comfortable
and I wasn't really confident in myself.
- I'm from like, a Catholic family,
so like, Filipino Catholic family,
there's no way that I could like, ever have a thing,
plus I'm also ace.
- What's your excuse?
- I'm, yeah, probably 'cause I'm demisexual,
it's like, kind of on a spectrum, but, yeah,
the lights are turning red.
- Oh, yeah, so.
- How old are you guys?
- 19. - 19.
- 21. - 22.
- 23. - 23.
- 24.
- 24? - Am I the oldest?
(bell rings) - 24?
(dramatic percussive music)
- She looked a little mysterious,
and before the round started,
we were informed that there were two moles,
and she didn't really have a reaction to that.
- I voted for Lea because she didn't say anything,
and also, she was the oldest.
She didn't really give us much to go off of, so.
(buzzer)
- Bye, Lea.
- Bye. - Bye. (laughs)
- I think it makes sense that people voted me out
because I'm older,
I don't think there should be that stigma on older people,
like if you're older, you had to have sex,
but it makes sense to me.
- Has everybody had their first kiss?
- [Group] Yeah, yes.
- No, I have not.
I actually have not.
- Aww. - No?
- Really? - I legit have not.
- No, just, okay, keep waiting.
- Just, it's okay, yeah! - Just wait!
- How old were you guys? - It's okay.
- When you had your first kiss?
- I was 15, I had it at Disneyland, how cute.
(group laughs)
- Well, I was 18 when I lost my kiss, first kiss.
- He said that he lost his first kiss,
and that was just a red flag in my head,
'cause I was like, I wouldn't say it like that.
- I was 12?
- Oh, wow. (whistles) - Dang!
(group laughs) - Okay!
- You know what's funny?
Is that when I was in elementary school,
all of the guys were like talking up,
"So you haven't had your first kiss yet?"
and I was like, - And then there's me.
- No!
And then I get to high school and find out, oh,
I guess I was way ahead of everybody.
- Have you guys, done, like-- - I'm trying to like, think.
- Stuff further than kissing, like, oral sex, like,
I don't know what you guys consider,
like, true sex, but like, you know.
- Mhmm. - With my ex,
that was like, a purely lustful relationship, so like.
- Yeah. - Hi, mom!
- So how did you deal with that?
Was he like, coming onto you, and you were just like, no?
- It was more like,
because we were so in each other's faces,
it would just kind of like happened,
and then right before, like, you know,
it would have crossed that line,
I was like, wait wait wait, hold on, wait,
can we just take a break?
'Cause he was also a virgin, he broke up with me,
had sex with someone else, we got back together,
he told me, and then we broke up again.
- Jazlyn mentioned a lot of close times, of like,
almost losing her virginity, and like,
maybe she was slipping.
(group laughs)
- I was dating someone that wasn't saved.
- Yeah, same, that's what it was.
- And I really think that brings me down.
But when there's not Jesus in the center of that.
- [Ricky] It's harder to show.
- God needs to be in the center.
- And it's hard when your relationships aren't,
when you're not focused on Christ,
your relationships with other,
kind of-- - It brings you down.
- Yeah, it does.
(bell rings)
(dramatic percussive music)
- Ivan mentioned something about losing his kiss?
I didn't want to, but I had to vote for him.
- He was pretty, like, timid,
and I just felt like he wasn't giving enough details
to what he was saying.
(buzzer)
- Bye. - Bye, Ivan.
- Bye, everyone.
- Oh, my God. (group laughs)
- Man down!
- I genuinely tried to talk, and like,
say my things out, but everyone was going over me.
I just, like, shrank more down.
I wish I talked more! (laughs)
- [Ragini] Raise your hand
if you think that the mole is still in the box,
and you would like to continue the game.
- Continue, yes.
(beeps) (clock ticks)
- What are some stereotypes that you guys think?
- That's what I was gonna ask.
- This happened at my work the other day,
like two of my coworkers were like, talking in the back,
and then I walked up and they're like,
"Oh, Rachel's here, we can't talk about this stuff,"
because-- - What?
- Like, she's too, like, angelic.
And I was like, guys, come on,
like, I know about everything.
- People think that, like, as a virgin,
that I'm afraid of sex, but best believe,
wedding night. (group laughs)
We going nowhere that whole weekend!
- No, I feel like, for me,
is that people immediately assume I'm religious
and waiting for marriage,
but that's actually not the case for me,
so I feel like, a little like,
I can't relate to you guys,
'cause I'm not technically waiting for marriage,
but I'm waiting to have a solid relationship with the guy,
like I just want to be totally,
completely comfortable with him.
I would say other stereotypes that people have
that bother me, that we have no social skills,
or that we're not attractive,
or we are super introverted,
it's like, there's no right time to have sex,
everyone's on there own path and you know,
when the time comes, it comes.
- My religion is the main reason why I'm waiting,
but also, just, it makes sense
to wait to share that with somebody
that's the only person that's gonna share that with you,
that's just something really special I think.
Go beyond religion.
- Plus, everybody has told me, like,
they had a really crappy time the first time, so.
- I've gotten my heart broke just like in a relationship,
and I feel like if I had that like lost to somebody,
that would hurt me ten times more.
- I hate that's it's called, like, losing your virginity,
like I don't wanna lose it, I want to give it.
- Yeah, oh, that's cool. - You know what I mean?
- That's beautiful, I love that!
- Right?
Thank you. - That's cool.
- 'Cause when you lose something
you don't intend to lose something,
so, and when you lose your virginity,
it's like you never intended
to give yourself to someone sexually,
and I'm willingly and like,
I want to give my virginity to someone
'cause it's something that's sacred
and it's something that's really important to me.
- What you were saying about like, other forms of sex,
'cause our stories are pretty similar, like,
I also struggled with pornography as well,
and, but God really freed me from that, as well.
It messed with my mind, it really did.
It gives you this fake outlook on what sex is.
- Like, it's not real, it's not sex,
like that's just actors putting on a show.
- I think for, when guys get into that stuff,
it makes them think of women as an object.
- [Kia] Definitely.
- And that they're just to be used for their pleasure,
and I just, I think it's awful.
- And porn is so racist and sexist and all of the above.
- Yeah, there's nothing good about it.
- Like, it's literally depressing.
- Gross. - It's just evil,
it's inherently evil.
- I mean the videos I've seen online,
it's like, it's always, like, black dude, black girl,
Asian girl, whatever, blah de blah,
it's trying to gain views through people's ethnicities
and it really promotes stereotypes.
My parents didn't tell me
to wait until marriage to have sex,
but they taught me, especially my mom,
she was like, live your own damn life first,
like, explore, get educated, become successful,
then, like, worry about men.
Like I just feel like I've had not a lot of drama in my life
because I haven't dated. (Jazlyn clicking fingers)
- Good.
- And honestly, like-- - That is true.
- Not happy that I'm single, but like,
I'm honestly like, I'm really successful
and I'm in a really great place
and I learned to love myself first
before I'm gonna love someone else.
(clapping) - We love that!
- [Josh] Yeah, that's great.
- I have a question for the Christians.
I mean, I don't have mine on 'cause I jammed my finger,
but I have a purity ring,
do you guys, like, have anything to, like?
- No, I don't think you need to show it, and everything.
It's not.
She brought up purity rings
and I feel like that's something
that not too many Christians do nowadays
so I thought maybe she was trying to pretend
to be a Christian and that was one way.
- I'm allergic to metal. - Oh, man. (group laughs)
- And so, like, jewelry's really specific for me,
so like, I just don't even, like, I made these earrings,
so like, I know what's in 'em. - That's awesome.
- Other than that, like,
I don't mess with jewelry that often.
(bell rings)
(chilled bassy music)
- I just got these vibes from him
that he had sex before and was like,
a reborn virgin.
- There were so many religious people in the group
and I was like, trying to get rid of one of 'em,
and the purity ring kinda made me choose her.
(buzzer)
- The mole's still in here, guys, it's not me!
- [Ragini] Raise your hand
if you think that the mole is still in the box
and you would like to continue the game.
- I guess.
(beeps) (clock ticking)
- Was sex, like, especially for you guys,
'cause you grew up religious,
was sex like a taboo topic in your house,
like did they ever talk,
like did you get the birds and the bees talk,
like growing up? - Oh, no.
- I did. - Yeah, I did.
I mean, it was treated with respect, but not,
it wasn't like swept under the rug,
it was talked about, but it wasn't like, do it.
- They weren't like super open about it.
- Yeah, they were like, here's what it is,
here's what it's for,
we kind of expect you to oblige with that, but, yeah.
- I wanna bounce back to what you said,
about like alternative sex.
Like, what is virginity? - No, it's like--
- Like, is like oral sex, is that count?
- 'Cause some people are like,
penetration is sex, - 'Cause I was on my way
over here, thinking, like - And then some people
are like, well, giving a handjob could be sex.
You know, it's like.
- I guess it depends on the person.
- Is it up to the person, or is it like, so.
- I would say, 'cause I think penetration.
- I think it just depends on like the motivation,
or the, I don't even know, I don't know.
- If it's not one definition then it's too loose.
- Yeah, subjectivity is weird.
- I was gonna ask like your view on sex education,
like do you guys believe in abstinence?
- No, no no. - Okay, me neither.
- In school? - Yeah, yeah.
- No, absolutely not.
- Abstinence is like waiting 'til marriage,
but like, teaching that - In schools.
- In schools.
- I mean, I would teach all of them,
I would teach everything, but stress abstinence,
'cause that's the only, in my opinion,
that's the safest?
- Abstinence is not gonna help the problem.
Like you need to teach safe sex and provide condoms
and teach girls about birth control
so that they're not getting pregnant too young,
not having the resources, and you know,
avoiding abortions and all that.
- Yeah, I think you should teach that,
but just stress abstinence. - Totally.
- 'Cause at the end of the day,
abstinence is the sure-fire way of not getting pregnant.
- Just, as like, just as a non-religious person, like.
- Yeah, I get that.
- I don't agree with you on that,
but like, respectfully disagree.
- [Ricky] Yeah, no, for sure, for sure.
- And to each their own.
Like I literally am just like to each their own,
if you do you, like that's what makes you happy, awesome.
(bell rings)
- Aw, man.
- This is really hard.
- I don't like this.
- The red light.
(dramatic music)
- Rachel, I noticed, was sharing a lot less
than she had in the previous rounds.
- The whole abstinence thing
and waiting until marriage, like,
as the only answer for him,
just kind of made me feel like
he was playing the game too hard.
(buzzer)
- Bye, guys. - Bye.
- Awkward.
- [Ragini] Raise your hand
if you're certain that the mole is still in the box
and you would like to continue the game.
- We good?
(percussive music)
- [Ragini] If the lights turn green, you voted the mole out.
If the lights turn red, the mole is still in the box
and you lose.
Can the moles please step forward?
- No! - You are such a liar!
You were such a good liar!
- Nice!
- I really, I knew that of four Christians,
one had to be, like.
I definitely learnt that my virgin radar is completely off.
- I am a born-again Christian,
so my strategy going to the game
was to have the mindset that I do now,
which is, kind of twisting my truth,
so everything I said had a lot of truth based to it.
- The money!
- All right! - Okay!
- Wow, this is more money than I've ever held.
- It's like, okay.
(laughter)
- So I identify as asexual,
when I lost my virginity,
it was before I came to terms with it.
She kind of coerced me, it's like,
if you loved me you'd have sex with me.
So when we broke up, agh.
So when we broke up, it like affected me a lot.
Eventually, in college, from like a classmate,
who was just like, oh, I'm ace,
and I was like, oh, can you tell me about that?
As they described it, I was just like, oh,
that's me.
I hope someone, I find someone that understands
what I identify with and won't force me to do anything.
If you're out there.
- Hope you enjoyed this episode,
and thank you for supporting humangood.
This is the link to our website,
and don't forget to follow us on Instagram.
And I hope you're all staying safe during quarantine.
This looks like a dance, but it's okay.
- What's like, the highest holiday?
- (speaking in foreign language)
- Yeah.
If someone said Hannukah I was like, done, out!
- I'm Jewish.
- I am Jewish.
- I'm Jewish.
- I am Jewish.
- [Male] One of them is a liar.
(jazzy music)