England have won the World Cup.
AUDIENCE BOOS
BUZZER
And that was 11.3 seconds.
Sorry, Michael, you will not be getting a second date.
LAUGHTER
BUZZER
Ronaldo there, being booked by the referee for taking his shirt off.
He should know the rules by now.
You are not allowed to take the referee's shirt off.
LAUGHTER, BUZZER
Well, in this Grand National,
as they come round to the Chair for the second time,
the music stops.
LAUGHTER
Red Rum is eliminated.
BUZZER
And you join us now for the diving. Here we go.
Oh, that wasn't very impressive. Oh, no, sorry. Oh, no.
You join us here for the swimming. Right.
LAUGHTER
BUZZER
Well, I think from here, he's going to go for the top right-hand corner.
And he does!
THAT is how you stick on a stamp!
LAUGHTER
BUZZER
Judges there, all very impressed.
A textbook reverse tuck.
You're watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
LAUGHTER, BUZZER
Is that Maria Sharapova
or Mock The Week's Olga Koch?
BUZZER
Thank you for joining us.
We've got a very exciting afternoon of sport ahead of us.
But, first, the golf.
LAUGHTER
BUZZER
Welcome to the World's Strongest Man competition,
where we see Dave from Sunderland attempt to pull a bus.
They really will shag just anything.
LAUGHTER
BUZZER
And now time for the gay horses...
I mean, dressage.
LAUGHTER
BUZZER
And he has rested the ball there perfectly on the cushion.
This really is a lovely new saddle they've made for Lance Armstrong.
LAUGHTER, BUZZER
Well, at the start of the day, I asked if he'd got the bottle.
Now he has proved he has got the bottle.
That is my bottle. Give me my bottle!
LAUGHTER
BUZZER
Will it be gold? Will it be silver? Will it be bronze?
Who knows what colour the Russians' urine test will be?
LAUGHTER
BUZZER
Oh, and here they come, running onto the field completely naked,
wearing nothing but shoes. This is an absolute dis...
Sorry? I'm being informed that horses always look like that.
This is my first time doing The Grand National.
LAUGHTER, BUZZER
At the end of that round, the points go to Olga, Hugh and Rhys.