In this segment of therapy in a nutshell we're gonna talk about what you can do
if you're worried that someone you care about is having suicidal thoughts. I once
made this post on Facebook about how most deaths by guns are suicide or
domestic violence and someone else commented on my post like "Why bother
trying to stop people from committing suicide because they're just gonna find
another way to do it?" And the reality is that that is not true. Most suicide is
impulsive and most suicides can be prevented by removing easy access to
suicide. So by by taking away guns or by taking
away tylenol or by preventing people from having easy access to means to take
their lives. So an interesting example of this is from England in the 1930s and
40s back then they were using this coal gas
to heat their ovens and it was a simple way to commit suicide you just stick
your head in the oven turn the gas on don't turn on the pilot light and you'll
just go to sleep. And when they changed the type of gas in ovens in England to
like a natural gas suicides decreased massively and this this shows us that a
lot of people take their lives when it's easy. If they're delayed or prevented
from taking their lives then later on they can get the help they need and
actually live very happy and fulfilling lives. So learning how to stop people
from committing suicide is an essential tool that everyone should have. Most
people don't get a lot of education on how to prevent suicides and and help
someone who is suicidal so in this segment we're gonna talk about how to
help if a person you care about is suicidal.Tthe topic of suicide is a
difficult one for many people, it's scary to think about and many people just
don't know how to respond if the person they care about talks about suicide or
if you wonder that they're having thoughts of suicide. But with a little
education that you can become much more comfortable broaching the subject,
knowing what to ask and knowing when to take action to keep them safe. Research
shows that if someone who is suicidal can be prevented
from immediately acting that later they often get feeling better and they no
longer feel suicidal and they're grateful that they're alive.
Suicide is overwhelmingly an impulsive act one study of suicide survivors said
that only thirteen percent reported thinking about committing suicide for
eight hours or longer 70 percent said they thought about it for less than an
hour and a whopping 24 percent said the idea had occurred to them less than five
minutes before their attempt. Your job is to make it difficult for them, to slow
them down, and give them alternatives. And you can really make a difference in
people's lives. When someone is depressed suicide is a very real danger it's
important to know the warning signs. These include talking about suicide
talking about dying or harming oneself, or a preoccupation with death, expressing
feelings of hopelessness or self hate, acting in dangerous or self-destructive
ways, getting their affairs in order, and saying goodbye. Anger, rage, or wanting
revenge, seeking out pills, weapons, or other lethal objects, a sudden sense of
calm after a depression, or giving away their possessions. Many factors
contribute to someone's decision to take their life but some common circumstances
that make someone at higher risk include relationship problems, problems with
substance abuse, a recent or upcoming crisis, recent job loss, crime and
physical health problems. And here are some risk factors meaning things that
statistically make a suicide attempt more likely: impulsivity, elderly, or
teenagers are at a higher risk, mental illness, having access to a means like
pills, drugs, or firearms, having experienced a recent loss, a recent
suicide at their school, or a recent breakup of a relationship, previous
suicide attempts. Females tend to have more suicide attempts and males tend to
choose more lethal methods, substance abuse and substance use. The first thing
to know is you can reach out for help. Contact a mental health professional
or call the national suicide prevention lifeline. They can give you
advice on how to support the person you care about. The National Suicide
Prevention lifeline is at 1-800-273-TALK the Lifeline staff can refer you to
resources in your community and lifeline has trained counselors available 24/7. To
find the support groups outside the U.S. go to befrienders worldwide. In
addition to reaching out to the National helpline, you can also support them in a
couple of important ways. Don't be afraid to ask them about it talk about it.
Research shows that talking with someone about suicide is not going to encourage
them to do it. As parents we want our kids to talk to us about what's going on
for them but we don't realize how sometimes the way we responds shuts down
that communication. So for example in this little comic the young man says I'm
feeling depressed lately and the parent is really dismissive "oh don't be silly
you have everything in the world going on for you" and a little bit later the
mom saying to the kid "How come you don't tell me anything?" So again going back to
that, empathic listening is really an essential tool if we want to help our
children or family members when they're struggling. Now here's a couple things
that you can say that might be helpful "I'm sorry you're feeling so bad" "I'm glad
you told me" "I want to know I can handle it" "How can I help we'll get through this
together?" "Tell me more" "Let's keep you safe" "Let's
find someone who can help". And some things that not to say "That's crazy"
"Don't be so dramatic" t"That's an awful thing to say" "You're
making too much of it" "That boy/exam/friend/grade isn't worth killing
yourself over" "That's not going to solve anything" "You're just trying to get
attention" "You're not going to kill yourself". Even if it seems like their
suicide attempt is a cry for attention then it probably is they're desperately
asking for help and connection with a problem that
they don't know how to solve. Ask them directly if they have suicidal thoughts
or plans if they say yes they need to see a mental health professional. You can
continue to support them, listen to them, and be kind to them but you need to
insist that they see a professional. You could tell them "I care enough about you
that I have to do something. Either you tell someone and take care of this
or I will call someone to help you." If they refuse start, to include other
people. Talk to their parents, school counselors, church leaders, let their
therapist know about their behaviors. Try to get as many people involved as
necessary if there is an imminent risk like if they have a plan or they have a
means meaning that they have a way to kill themselves. Or if you have a deep
sense that something is deeply wrong or there are other warning signs then you
need to make sure they get help immediately. This is the time to break
their trust if they asked you not to tell anyone. One of my close family
members' life was saved because a friend broke her confidence and told her
parents and we're also grateful that her friend did that. In this situation your
actions could be the difference between life and death so err on the side of
caution. Ask them about suicidal thoughts, be a
good listener and friend, encourage or force them to get help, delay them impede
them, take away their means like their keys, guns, medications, etc. Another
thing you should know as a parent is to be very cautious about taking away their
cell phone, statistically this is linked to suicide attempts and it also removes
their access to their social support network. Reach out to resources or do
anything you can to help them even if it makes them mad or makes things worse in
the short term or even if it costs you your friendship. Saving their life is
more important and while we as helpers can't stop every suicide we can have an
impact and prevent many of them. I'm attaching links to a couple of resources
feel free to check them out if you want to know more. This video is an excerpt
from my intensive course on How to Help when someone you care about is depressed.
This course has over 40 videos with specific skills that you can develop to
be more helpful for the person you love. It includes how to help them open up and
ways to help if they won't talk. What to do if they're suicidal and specific
strategies for managing your role. It includes helpful things you can say or
do. If you're interested in watching the whole course check it out on courses.therapynutshell.com