...what the f*** was that? Sasha Banks returns, Alexa Bliss cries over
Lilly for what feels like seven years and Roman Reigns defeats Demon Finn Balor...with
the power of God? Subscribe here because today is day 99 as
your Jam That Jampion, and tomorrow, sweet sweet tomorrow will be day 100. Oli failed
to dethrone me as champion. So now he’s my manservant. And I think I said it best
during the live reactions… Here’s my review of WWE Rules in about 10
minutes. On the kickoff show was Liv Morgan vs Carmella,
and I had said going into this match that if they gave the match a little time, a little
effort and actually cared a bit about it, this could be quite a fun match. And you know
what? It was! Carmella cut a promo beforehand about being attractive, you know, the usual,
and after a decent little match, Liv did the same move she did to “break Carmella’s
nose” that turned out to be completely fine, but this time into the commentary table, then
rolled her into the ring, hit her finish for the decisive win.
Sure am glad she didn’t lose on SmackDown or anything.
Also on the kickoff show was a backstage brawl between Big E, Omos and Bobby Lashley, which
then was turned into the main card’s opening match of The New Day vs Bobby Lashley, Omos
& AJ Styles. And in typical WWE fashion, an opening PPV match, and a six-man tag match,
was really good. It’s like...the two things they’re consistently really good at.
This match go so much time to shine and had some great spots in it, with a lovely little
Xavier Woods hot tag, love a bit of that, Big E muscling AJ out of the corner with sheet
brute strength to hit a uranage after the spot went a little awry, and a spot where
Omos chopped Kofi Kingston clean out of midair, AJ forearmed Xavier on the outside leaving
Big E all alone in the ring, who had a great showdown with Lashley.
But it was miscommunication central with the heel team, as Lashley was gearing up for a
Spear, AJ blind tagged himself in, but before he could go for the Phenomenal Forearm that
ended up missing, Lashley had tagged himself back in, but inadvertently Speared AJ Styles
instead, leading to Big E hitting the Big Ending on Lashley for the win.
This was a really fun impromptu opener, and after some backstage promos later in the night,
set up a WWE Championship rematch between Big E & Lashley that will be opening tonight’s
episode of Raw. I’m all for this, this was great.
This could very well be leading to Lashley losing to Big E once more, before getting
drafted to SmackDown. I for one think he could do a lot for the blue brand and would be a
welcome addition into the main event scene, and it’s another person for Roman to beat
isn’t it. After this came another very enjoyable match
between The Street Profits and The Usos for the SmackDown Tag Team Titles, with the story
of the match being Montez Ford’s injured ribs following the post-match beatdown from
Roman & The Usos on SmackDown. There were constant spots working him over, with him
selling the injury throughout the match. After a nutty dive outside the ring going
over the corner post, Ford hit a Frog Splash, but oh no his ribs, so the eventual pin was
broken up. And the finish came when Dawkins sacrificed himself to take the superkicks
for Ford, but it ended up in vain as The Usos superkicked Ford and hit a double splash for
the win. Up next was hometown girl Alexa Bliss taking
on Charlotte Flair for the Raw Women’s Championship. Alexa Bliss in her hometown? Guess it’s
time for her to lose! And lose she did. This was a fine match, and the crowd were very
into the idea of Bliss winning, but instead Charlotte just kinda won after taking most
of the match. There were some nice spots and counters, but overall this wasn’t as strong
as the two matches that had come before it. After the match, Charlotte tore up the Lilly
doll and stood tall in a brawl, because why have the hometown hero get anything nice at
all, and then Alexa cried over the doll for an absolute eternity. There was a weird bit
where she was crying on the ramp and she was really trying to get something to come out
of her mouth. It looked like she had some of that black goo in a thing she was supposed
to burst, but it just didn’t work for whatever reason. So instead she just kinda dribbled
everywhere. But it’s ok because up next was the United
States Championship Triple Threat between Damian Priest, Sheamus and Jeff Hardy, and
this match was awesome. This was quite fast paced and never seemed to relent. Even in
the quieter moments of the match, the intensity was still there.
Sheamus was the absolute MVP of this match, not that MVP, and towards the end just seemed
to be having a bit of a laugh, as he mocked Jeff Hardy’s taunt on the top rope, was
mouthing off to the crowd and cutting jokes, but took a huge top rope spinning sit out
chokeslam for his troubles. In the end, Sheamus hit the Brogue Kick on Hardy, but Priest rolled
up Sheamus to win as Sheamus looked to get the pin on Hardy.
This finish was ok, but personally I would rather Priest hit the Reckoning and win decisively,
as Sheamus still would have been protected that way, it just makes Priest look better.
We got to our semi main event of Bianca Belair vs Becky Lynch for the SmackDown Women’s
Championship, and you know what, up until the finish, this was match of the night. It
was nice to see these two had great chemistry in the ring, and for Becky’s first proper
match back, it seemed she hadn’t missed a beat. The Disarm-her was almost locked in
a couple of times, but Bianca managed to escape, and this led into an attempted KOD towards
the end, but this was the cue for the return of Sasha Banks, who came out and caused a
DQ finish. *blows raspberry*
Banks beat up Bianca for a bit, and after some fun character work from Becky holding
up the shaky thumbs up to Sasha, Sasha beat her up too, and stood tall to end the segment.
This is most likely leading to a 3-way feud going forward, which is fine with me on paper,
but at some point I fear Bianca is going to go the way of McIntyre, in that she might
be overexposed in and around the title scene, and at some point she’ll need a break away
from it. Also why couldn’t you have Banks return
after the match had finished, after an actual finish? Ah yes right, of course, because that
would involve actually booking a winner. And speaking of terrible finishes…
Finally it was main event time as Demon Finn Balor took on Roman Reigns for the Universal
Championship. And hey it was cool seeing the Demon enter again, but really now, get rid
of those tentacles on the AR please. They are...terrible.
Everything was going fine in this match, there was a bit of weirdness peppered throughout,
like Roman grabbing a Kendo stick, only for Finn to reveal his own ‘some kind of kendo
stick’ contraption: four kendo sticks taped together with some tape painted like his demon
makeup. Which was...not good. He hit Roman with it a couple times, and then we never
see it again. That sure was worth it. The two brawled into the crowd, but not before
Roman puts on a mask. Safety first, the facepaint won’t save you in there Finn! Maybe that
was Roman’s plan for the match. Brawl in the crowd and make sure Finn got Covid and
then wait. There was a massive uranage in the ring through
a table, and some really awesome near falls, like Balor kicking out of a Spear, and doing
the same low blow kickout that Roman has used a few times, as well as Balor hitting the
Cow-oop Del Grazia - pretty sure that’s how you pronounce it - but being dragged out
of the ring by The Usos. Balor fought them off, but was Speared through the barricade
by Reigns. And that’s when things got weird. So they’re all lying there, all four of
them, and Balor’s heartbeat from his theme plays. And the red lights go. As this is happening,
Finn’s body does this *masterfully re-enacts what Finn’s body did*.
And then he gets up and is fired up like he’s a man possessed, but...what’s that? Finn’s
music is still playing? That’s a bit weird, but his theme music just starts playing while
the red lights stay on and he goes nuts, getting Reigns back in the ring and standing on the
top rope, ready for another Collup Du Gretel - pretty sure that’s how you pronounce it
- but that’s when...god intervenes? The top rope that Balor is standing on completely
buckles, and Balor falls into the ring, selling his leg. The moment the ropes give in as well,
the red light goes away, and his music stops playing. Because I guess...production were
in on the prank? As he’s getting to his feet, he gets Speared by Reigns, and he wins.
So Demon Balor loses. And then after, Reigns starts looking to the sky and pointing up
at...god? Because, in canon, in actual WWE kayfabe...god interfered in the match, and
he chose Reigns to win, because Balor...is a demon? Because Reigns is god’s champion?
Does that mean that God is a heel? We haven’t seen God in WWE since Backlash 2006, and he
was a babyface then. This was...astoundingly stupid. Like...what
actually happened? The top rope just collapsed, for no reason. And it was god that did it.
For Reigns. And caused Balor to lose. What the f*** just happened? I am...so confused.
And I don’t think we’re gonna get a proper answer on SmackDown. This was legitimately,
including the weird red light heartbeat Demon stuff, probably one of the worst PPV finishes
I’ve ever seen? This was...baffling. And on top of all that, that’s how Demon Balor
gets his first loss on the main roster. Because of...god. I guess.
...huh? So overall, most of WWE Rules was quite enjoyable.
The two main event matches suffered from really poor finishes, but the quality of in-ring
wrestling was really good, especially from the opening six-man and the United States
triple threat. But unfortunately, it’s how you leave them, and with that PPV finish,
this probably gets like a 2/5? Because really, that’s one of the worst PPV finishes I’ve
ever seen. God, saved Reigns. He saved him. Like actually. Like really actually. In kayfabe.
God. Actual, god. Saved Reigns. This is confirmation, evidence that god exists. And he likes Roman
Reigns. What the f*** WWE.
What did you think of the show? Let me know in the comments because I’ll be replying
to people FROM OUTTA NOWHERE for the first thirty minutes after this video goes live!
Subscribe to WrestleTalk Podcast as myself and my new manservant Oli will be reviewing
this show in depth later today, and we’ll be laughing about that finish all over again,
and you can watch us react to it in live time by clicking the video on the end screen right
now!