hey guys welcome back to my channel thanks for joining me this week now if
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video a thumbs up if you liked it so let's get right into this week's
video because I'm so excited I had a client recently bring something to my
attention that I realized a lot of people struggle with especially if they
have just ended a relationship a marriage they've gone through a divorce
they have been cheated on or someone left them and it's this aspect of how do
I trust myself how do I trust myself that this doesn't happen to me again you
know will I be able to spot the red flags that I see so clearly now in my
last relationship will I be able to spot those red flags going forward in my life
and this is something that my client had brought up that she you know is now
she's been single for about seven years and she's ready to start dating and this
aspect of can I trust myself it just keeps on coming up and she's done you
know so many things to work on herself and heal a lot of her wounds from the
past and at this point she just wanted to know how do i what do i actually
start doing to make sure that what has happened to me before never happens to
me again so I want to share with you the two things that I know of that are huge
towards building self trust now this is something that when you're at that place
where you've reflected on your past you see everything for what it is you've
healed from everything yourself and now you're in a good spot your wounds are
healed and there's nothing there and you just want to move forward with your life
that little voice of will I make the same mistake again or you know how am I
going to be able to trust myself to make sure I don't attract this type of person
into my life ever again and there's two things that are so big when it comes to
self Trust the first thing is know what your standards are in relationships
if you don't have standards and relationships then people are always
going to take advantage of you if you don't have any boundaries to enforce
your standards people are always going to be able to manipulate you and you
will just be manipulated you know you'll just be abused you'll you know encounter
physical abuse or emotional abuse anything like that you have to know what
what does it take for someone to be in my life what are my standards what are
things that are non-negotiables for me and what are things that even if someone
you know is in my life that does something to me that bothers me how do I
show up for myself how do I stick up for myself how do I represent myself and
self parenting is huge and I know I talk a lot about this and on my channel and
self parenting is you being the parent for yourself so when someone does
something to you that you don't like how do you shop for yourself do you just let
it go do you not say anything because you know you don't like confrontation or
do you actually stand up for yourself and when you stand up for yourself
are you argumentative are you aggressive are you angry because someone did
something that violated you or are you just matter-of-factly confidently
telling someone what your standards are and how you want to be treated in
relationships and when they don't do it what do you do to enforce those
boundaries with people that's where you really start building trust within
yourself because when you learn how to take care of yourself and how to honor
yourself and your standards you will be able to trust yourself because you're
taking care of yourself you're parenting yourself
the next thing to really start building trust within yourself is listening to
your intuition and I can't stress enough how important listening to your
intuition is it's absolutely huge because when you reflect back on a past
relationship let's say for example someone cheated on you you know 9 I've
never met anyone that has been in a relationship that was abusive or
emotionally abusive or someone you know had an affair with someone else
I don't know anyone that has ever gone through any of that stuff that can sit
here and say I felt something or you know this wasn't okay or this person did
something or said something that for me it just didn't sit right there's always
something there sometimes the red flags are really big
and we overlook them and sometimes they're like really really small but we
didn't listen to our intuition and follow through with that person's not
right for you that person's not right for you that you allowed that person
into your life and then they ended up doing what they did to you so when
you're in a place where you take full responsibility for everything that's
happened in your life and know that you played a part in every relationship
because you allowed it to happen is when you can finally say okay I'm never gonna
allow that to happen again because now I take responsibility for my
part in the relationship and I know intuitively that I felt something with
this person that wasn't right we've all come in contact with people that we can
meet and in an instant we are connected to that and like we get along really
well like they're so respectful there are just some relationships that are so
effortless and easy and our intuition never never pulls out a red flag never
says hello this person is just not right for you it's just the relationship just
naturally flows or you know something might have happened with this person
where maybe they let us down in the very beginning of the relationship or they
did something that was wrong or abusive or anything like that and we sat back
and said that wasn't okay but we let it go and we kept moving forward with the
relationship that's where we weren't listening to our intuition and going
forward when you're dating or when you're meeting new people when you get
those intuitive feelings you are them now and when you honor them you know
that I'm not missing an opportunity with a man or a woman you know that I'm
dating I know that I'm actually dodging a bullet because that person is not
right for me you honor that intuition you honor it
this you honor in your personal relationships and you honor it even
within yourself so I can't stress enough how important it is to give yourself
credit on how far you've come that you're not the same person that you once
were and it's just like that quote by Maya Angelou when you know better you do
better like you know better now like a lot of the things that were red
flags in that relationship that you overlooked and you didn't see you that
won't happen again because your radar is actually probably too hyped up for those
red flags but intuitively you'll know when you feel something off with someone
because you're learning how to love yourself you're learning how to take
care of yourself and be confident and you know your standards you know how to
enforce boundaries with people and all of these tools are things that you need
to create healthy relationships in your life you know one of the things that I
talked about the other day with my client that had this issue and she kept
saying over and over you know I don't know if I can trust myself I don't know
if I can trust myself and we went through every detail of you know the
last seven years that she's been single and all the work that she's done on
herself and how she's in such a great place and she's healed from that last
relationship and I kept stressing to her that you're not the same person that you
once were and you're so aware of how to take care of yourself in relationships
in these situations that you do trust yourself and it was just a story that
she had just said to herself over and over again I don't know if I can trust
myself I don't know if I can trust myself that she kept believing the story
and when we kind of unraveled the story and she took a step back and she's like
you know what I would be able to know whether or not someone is good or bad
for me and I know how to enforce boundaries of people and I know what my
standards are it was like she just needed that reminder that that's not
she's not that old person that let all those things happen to her and she
needed that reminder that she keeps telling herself a story that isn't true
anymore the story doesn't match who she is today
and so often we do that with so many aspects of our life is we keep repeating
this story over and over again you know all the good ones are taken or you know
women are just gold diggers or will I be able to trust myself again and I'm so
fearful of not being able to trust myself when that story is just not even
true and you know it's true it's just a habit that you have that you just repeat
over and over again and until you break the cycle of that habit can you really
get out of that thought and take a step back and say I can actually trust myself
and I know that I would make good decisions for myself and that's the
stuff that you need to be saying over and over again
so if you're out there dating and you have that fear of can I trust myself ask
yourself are you the same person that you want that you were at the beginning
of that relationship if you saw any of those red flags would you stand up for
yourself would you say you know what thank you but no thank you I'm whole set
with this relationship would you be able to do that for yourself
if you can honestly answer yes that I have the confidence and self-love to
stand up for myself then you can trust yourself if you know that you know what
I don't know if I'm there yet I don't know if I would be able to stand up for
myself or do those things then that's the stuff that you need to keep working
on you need to keep working on how do I enforce boundaries what are my standards
you know if you still have baggage from your last relationship and you think all
men are pigs or you know all women cheat or whatever it is the story that you're
telling yourself then that's the stuff that you need to go back to and really
heal in order for you to get to that place where you can start trusting
yourself learning to trust yourself again it's just like you know learning
to trust someone that's broken that trust at one point it takes time to
build and you have to allow yourself situations for yourself to be in an
order for you to rise to the occasion and prove to yourself that I'm here and
I'm gonna take care of you and it just doesn't happen overnight it
takes practice so I hope that helped everyone out there that's struggling
with self trust if you have any questions or comments don't forget to
leave it in the comment section below and I will
see you next time
you