So before we take off for the holidays...
I have to give you some updates on some of the stories we did this year.
Now back in August, I spoke to Canadian prime minister Justin Trudeau,
and I tried to convert him to Islam.
You accept Islam as the one true faith and the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him,
the last and final messenger?
Don't laugh at that part. You can't laugh at that part.
I am proudly Catholic but I have a tremendous respect for all religions.
Little did I know, he had actually converted decades ago.
Assalamualaikum, Brother Jafar.
This is real.
This came out two weeks after our episode aired. It wasn't just brownface.
Trudeau also wore blackface multiple times,
and still won re-election.
All he needs to do is go yellowface in 2020 to score the racism hat trick.
I believe in him.
Now, our spring episode on student loans led me to testify before Congress.
And the Republicans really wanted to grill me.
Mr. Minhaj, do you know what cost of in-state tuition is currently at UC Davis?
-Today it's $14,490. -Boom.
-Do you know... -Do I get points for that?
Bonus points. Absolutely. Do you know what the out-of-state tuition is?
-I don't know the out-of-state tuition. -It's $44,000. I think it's relevant.
I don't think that's worth it, though if you're out of state.
I stand by that.
If you paid $44,000 to go to UC Davis,
that's why you didn't get into UC Berkeley.
Look, I got a poli sci degree from Davis.
Half of my degree was copy-and-pasting Wikipedia articles.
And the other half was getting XXL credit card t-shirts.
Now, this year we covered censorship in China, which is still going strong.
In October, a journalist who helped with our episode
was detained by the Chinese government after she supported the Hong Kong protests.
That same month, the GM of the Rockets tweeted his support for Hong Kong,
so Beijing has continued to black out all Rocket games in China.
And just this week,
Arsenal midfielder Mesut Özil Instagrammed his support for Chinese Uighurs.
And then China blocked the Arsenal game.
No one in the entire country watched the soccer match.
For two hours, China became...
America.
The other country that has made serious authoritarian moves is India.
Since our last update, prime minister Modi has gone mask off on Muslims.
In August, he revoked the special status
of the formerly autonomous, Muslim-majority state of Kashmir.
He moved in thousands of troops and cut off the region's Internet access.
Most Kashmiris still don't have Internet.
Think of everything they've missed.
The Buttigieg dance, the Peloton ad,
hot Kumail Nanjiani.
Modi does not want Kashmiris to see this ripped dude from Karachi.
But for Modi, messing with Kashmiri Muslims was just the start.
He effectively stripped two million people of their citizenship, most of them Muslim.
And now,
his party passed a law to fast-track citizenship for migrants, except Muslims.
Do you realize how crazy this is?
Modi takes control of Kashmir, a place full of Muslims.
Then, when Muslim refugees try to come in for safety,
he just turns into a nightclub bouncer.
He's like, “Sorry fellas...
we hit our cap on Muslims.”
They're like, “Come on!” He's like, “Fellas...
-You got to buy a bottle to come in.” -“You know we don't drink.”
“I know. That's why those are the rules.”
And that's just a small sampling of what's happening in the world.
Ukraine, sea levels, the Lakers in first place...
It's awful.
And that's why as 2019 comes to an end, so many people feel like this:
I mean, it's very... I don't even know...
I mean, it's crazy.
I can't take it anymore.
I'll be honest.
There is a frustration and anxiety out there.
It's just too much drama.
I want to just scream.
Make it stop.
I get tired of hearing about it.
I can't take it, I got to turn it off, man, it's just too much dark.
“It's too much dark, man!”
It sounds like he's about to leave CNN for My Chemical Romance.
But this is the problem...
we're exposed to all the news all the time,
which makes us feel like we have to care about everything
all the time.
Think about it. You got to go to the climate march!
It's climate change. It... It connects all of us.
But you got to think about the Rohingya. No one's talking about Myanmar.
But let's take a moment to stand with Hong Kong.
The protests are still continuing.
And remember!
Family separation is still happening at the border.
And change your avatar blue for Sudan, but change it red for Kashmir.
But you can't forget to Free Palestine.
And you better not listen to R. Kelly,
but before you do that, stop eating meat.
Who cares about meat if we can't even ban assault rifles?
And who cares about assault rifles when Stephen Miller's getting married?
He could procreate!
This is why we're all going crazy.
And a lot of people are talking about this feeling. Don't you feel this?
Look, all these issues matter.
But we can't possibly care about all of them all the time.
There's even a word for it...
compassion fatigue.
It's like we have 50 tabs open in our mental browsers.
And we're about to crash, something's got to change.
You know who really figured out 2019?
You're not gonna like this...
Mitch McConnell.
We've shat on Mitch McConnell all year:
“He's a goblin.” “He's a skin tag with glasses.”
“He looks like something from a wax museum dumpster.”
He doesn't give a fuck. Mitch loves it, it makes him stronger.
He closed all tabs
except for the Republican Party and locking down the courts.
We got to focus like McConnell.
So this is what I'm pitching: for 2020...
give yourself a break.
Just pick a couple things...
to not care about, for your sanity.
I'm not saying shut down your browser.
Just close a couple tabs.
So here are three things I'm gonna let other people worry about in 2020,
right?
Plastic straws.
That's not on me, that's on somebody else. All right?
North Korea, I don't give... I'm not thinking about it.
And brownface. I know, that's supposed to be my issue,
but I got other tabs to focus on.
So if someone comes up to me, and is like, “Did you hear?
Joe Biden dressed up as Apu for Halloween.”
I'll be like, “Yo, I bet the accent was funny. I bet you he nailed the accent!”
And he's like...
“I bet you he killed it! Nailed it.”
You know what's not funny, though? Climate change.
It's 2020, we gotta focus.
Now, I know it's weird...
hearing this from the show that tells you to care about something new every week.
And we're not going to stop doing that, but I also understand
if you got to take a breather.
That's why, after you're done with this episode,
you have every right to close a tab in your brain.
Especially if it helps you double down on the issues that really matter to you.
So over the holidays, sleep well... but not that well.
I'll see you guys in 2020. We got a few more tabs to open.