- [Narrator] Hey, Psych2Goers.
Perhaps Brazilian Novelist, Paulo Coelho
said it best when he said,
"Sometimes your heart needs time to accept
what your head already knows."
It's not always easy for us to see
when the love someone once felt for us
has turned toxic.
We might feel it from time-to-time
when we start to wonder to ourselves,
if perhaps we deserve better than this,
but at the end of the day,
it's just too hard for us to let go.
So we excuse a few bad behaviors,
and just chalk it up to reasons like,
"Oh, they must be having a bad day."
Or "Maybe they didn't mean it that way."
But there's a difference between
the healthy amount of conflict
all couples are bound to experience,
and the red flags
of being in a toxic relationship.
Here are seven telltale signs
that the love someone might feel for you
is actually toxic.
Number one.
They get unreasonably jealous and possessive.
Most people tend to have this misguided belief
that a partner's jealousy is actually a sign
of how much they care about you.
But while there is some truth
to the idea that jealousy
stems from a fear of losing your partner,
and it's a perfectly normal emotion
to feel from time-to-time.
Be careful not to romanticize it too much.
Because when your partner
starts to get unreasonably jealous,
and possessive over you all the time,
it means that they think of you
more as their property than your own person.
Number two.
They act passive aggressive towards you.
Does your partner often tell you
it's okay to do something
like go out with your friends
instead of them for example,
then get hurt or upset
when you take their word for it.
Do they forgive you for your mistakes
only to throw it back in your face
the moment you have a disagreement
about something?
Or resort to tactics
like giving you the cold shoulder,
withdrawing their affection,
or treating you with sarcasm,
instead of actually telling you what's wrong?
Passive aggressive behaviors like these
are not only manipulative and controlling,
but they also show that your partner
may lack the emotional maturity,
and communication skills needed
to be in a committed lasting relationship.
Number three.
They have issues with codependency.
Defined as a dysfunctional relationship
characterized by a lack of boundaries,
most often stemming from one partner's
extreme fear of abandonment.
Being in a codependent relationship
is emotionally draining,
and damaging to your self esteem,
and sense of identity.
Codependency means always having to save
your partner from themselves.
Fixing all of their problems for them,
and attending to their every beck,
and call without ever getting anything in return.
Number four.
There's an uneven power dynamic.
No matter how good someone might be
at getting you to believe they love you,
be it with their lavish gifts,
flowery words or grand gestures,
if they constantly expect you
to prioritize their wants,
and needs over your own,
then they don't really love you.
They only love having control over you.
They love being the one
who always gets a say in everything you do
that makes all your decisions,
and tells you what's best for you.
So if you feel disrespected
or unappreciated by your partner,
like you don't really have any power
in your relationship,
you should probably watch out.
Number five.
It feels bad all of the time.
Now you might be asking yourself,
"Why would anyone ever stay
in a relationship
that makes them feel bad all the time?
Why not just leave?"
But real life is rarely ever that simple.
Toxic relationships
rarely ever start out that way.
Most of the time,
people don't even notice when things start
to turn toxic,
and by then,
they already feel too much love
or commitment towards the other person
to just end things with them like that.
But make no mistake.
If your partner makes you feel bad all the time,
and there is constant drama in your relationship,
then the love they have for you is likely toxic.
Number six.
You lose yourself in the relationship.
While it might sound romantic
to make someone your whole world,
and throw yourself into a relationship with them,
we should always remember that being committed
to our partners is not the same as giving up
our own sense of identity,
and individuality
for the sake of our relationship.
We should never be so consumed by anyone
that we end up over compromising,
and changing too much of ourselves
just to please them,
and make our relationship work.
And number seven.
You over idealize one another.
Last but certainly not least,
we must warn you against the perils of being
with someone who over idealizes you.
While it might seem incredibly flattering,
and romantic at first,
it can quickly turn toxic too.
Nothing destroys a relationship
faster than over idealizing one another.
Burdening them with unrealistically
high expectations,
and not giving each other the freedom
to be flawed and make mistakes.
Because at the end of the day,
it means that it's not you they're in love with,
it's a version of you that doesn't even exist.
So is there anyone in your life
who you think loves you in a toxic way?
If so, we highly urge you to weigh
the pros and cons between trying
to patch things up with this person,
or just distancing yourself from them altogether
for the sake of your mental,
and emotional well-being.
And if you're struggling
with being in a toxic relationship,
please don't hesitate to reach out
to a mental health care professional today,
and get the help that you need and deserve.
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As always,
thanks for watching and we'll see you next time.