Remember when you used to go to elementary school? #Relatable, elementary school gang.
Except some of you #relate a little too much because you act like you’re still there.
But we’re not going to get into that today.
Elementary school. I don’t remember much about it. I know there was this one kid who
wore a Naruto headband every single day, there was this girl who would cry in math class
every day because the problems were too hard, and there was this other kid who we just assumed
was a mean person, so we just never spoke to him. Ever.
I don’t think I was very nice to any of those people, because karma caught up to me
and now I’m exactly like all three of them.
But one of the things I do remember from elementary school were the videos we got to watch when
it was raining outside and we couldn’t do recess.
As iconic as some of those videos were, none of them compare to the one I’m about to
show you.
Now, a quick warning before we start . . .
Well you know what? If I didn’t get a warning for this, you’re not getting a warning either.
There’s your warning.
Just watch this 1970’s Claymation dental education video that was shown to children.
Elementary school children. I was traumatized.
So we’re starting off with this song. I’m not going to sit here on the internet and
lie to you. This song is a bop. Okay, it slaps. You’re not going to tell me that you didn’t
hear that run.
Hello, Ariana Grande?
Yuh.
You’re no longer needed. You can go back to Wakanda, sweetie.
I’m sorry, can we talk about these lyrics for a second?
The depth.
The power.
The nuance.
The power that that has. The intelligence that that has. The influence that that has.
The internation implications that that has--
Why is this not on Genius?
You mean to tell me that we need a Genius lyric explanation video for this?
Nobody, Nobody, Nobody, Nobody--
Six and a half hours later.
NOBODY, NO--
But not for these teeth? Pathetic.
I’m-- I’m-- I’m just going to have to make one myself.
Sweet candy, cookies and jam.
We take what we want, and we eat what we can.
So when I came up with these lyrics, I was actually in a pretty dark place. I was really
struggling with sugary foods, just eating like way too many of them, and my fourth therapist
suggested it was because I wasn’t expressing myself properly, so I wrote this song to cope
with my feelings.
It um—It didn’t really work? But, you know, the song is still a bop. And it did
numbers on the charts.
Until Billboard took it off for not being country enough. Maybe I should make six or
seven remixes, and that’ll make it more relevant.
So you get the point, right? The message here is obviously that the teeth are getting way
too much sugar because they think there won’t be any consequences. Let’s just say, there
are consequences and this is where the video takes a dark turn.
My name’s Jack Sweet. I give you a treat.
So besides the heavy kidnapping and stranger danger vibes this is giving me . . . I see
nothing wrong with this.
Distributing candy to random kids on the street? Sounds like charity if you ask me.
What I do want to know is why Jack Sweet looks like he’s fresh off the carpet of the MET
Gala. The red and black fringe was decision, and he made it. And now we all have to deal
with it. Tell me why he looks exactly like that one video of Violet Chachki. She was
clearly inspired by him.
The influence that that has.
Hold it, wait a minute! Don’t eat all that sweet stuff, you munchers! Don’t you know
what sweets’ll do to you?
Get out of here, old Fillings.
Jack Sweet is trying to silence this man . . . from telling the tooth.
I’m so sorry.
I like that Jack called the tooth “Fillings”, like as an insult.
Get out of here, old Fillings.
I’m going to have to start using that.
Oh hey dude, did you see my new--
SHUT UP, FILLINGS.
I’ve never even had a cavity.
So the next part of the video is where the nightmares began. Eight-year-old me thought
Jack Sweet was going to crawl through the screen and rip me to shreds, in my sleep.
Sweet snacks are fun, ah ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Eh hahahahahaha . . .
Now, let’s get us some C̴̢͓͙̝̥̫͔̤̒̾̃̃́͋̇̒̒̕̚͠Ä̷̧̧̧̛̭͈͕̺̫͕̦̠̼͙̙̰̪̟͉͈̯͈̠͍͚̪̥̯͔̣̘̬̝̮́̐̇̄̓͛̌͌̔̇̽̈́͋̿̃̂͆͊̊͌̈́̾̽̾͠͝ͅN̴̡̧̨̡̫͚͕̝̰͖̮̬̻̩̝̞͈̜̭̘̲͔͙̗̭̗̱̦͇̖̥̪͎̱̠͔̹̺̬̟̼̬̯̈́͂͗̈̈̔͋̈̔̔͒̈́̔̂́̃̅̀̓̃̀̈ͅD̷͓̜̱̜͓͓̟̎̄̎̒̀̐̒͊̀̃̉͑̽̉̄̈́̐͒̋̅͆͑̂͌̐̋̔̾̉́̏̽͂͂͘͜͠͠͝͠Ý̷͙̗̾̆̃̒̿̅̾̑̓̀̌̏͊̍͂͋͒̉͑̒͂͊̌̈́̃̈́̃̌̑̓́̋́͝͝͠
Ah hahahahahahaha--
This was shown to elementary school children.
Adults.
Made kids.
In school.
Watch this.
Anyway, the next part is just a cutaway where Fillings is explaining how to keep your teeth
healthy, I—I really couldn’t care less. I didn’t click on this dental education
video to learn how to take care of my teeth. I’m here for the horror aspect. So the movie
ends with Jack Sweet trying to pull yet another Texas Chainsaw Massacre, but this time the
teeth are prepared. Oh wait, no they’re not.
Here you are, little mucher. Try one of these.
We don’t want your sweet snacks anymore!
No more snacks? Ah hahah. Ah hahahahahahaha.
T̶̟͕̫̰̹̔̿͒̽̓̓̀͠H̴̨̗̠̙̃̓E̵͙̠̜̳̞̯͇̯͋̔͘̕N̸̰̪͕̪̫͈̳̳͙̘̬͇͙̝̣̊͂̉̐̆͝͠ͅ ̵̻̟͚̪̩͉̳͉̱͙̺̹̝̇̊͐̚ͅT̶̡̨̢͇̭̭̟̹͎̤͚̲͚̠͆̔̋́̄́͊͐͝ͅͅA̷̡̡̮͓͕̳͍̲̯̠̹̎͌̀̍͐͐̐̔̊̏́͋̓̐͘Ķ̸̛̛͉͙̹͉̥̃̉͛̎̂̄̊͑͠Ḙ̸̮̃̉̑̓̋̃̾̎ͅ
̴̛̗̜̀̇͆͂͐͑̈́̓̊̈́͆͘̚͘̚͘Ť̴̬̘̮͈̯̗͚̹̝͆̒̉̄͆̀́̇̉̀̇͘͘Ȟ̵͖͛͋I̷̡͔̳̜͙̮͋͌̓́̍̒́̑̐̓̚S̸̨͓̟̯͇͈̠̘̙̮̺̋́͆̒͋̈́͗̑͘
Ouch, ouch ouch, owww--
HEHEHEHEHE--
So the moral of the story for kids is . . . even if you do take care of your teeth, Jack Sweet
is still going to track you down and run you through a woodchipper. So like, why even bother?
That’s all I’ve learned from this educational video. Don’t even try to take care of your
teeth. Because you’re not going to survive either way.
I’ll be back. Hahahahahah.
So yeah, that exists. I had to see it, and that means you did too.
This scared me into brushing my teeth when I was six.
I mean if it works, it works, right? You have childhood trauma. And you have amazing dental
health. Life has a funny way of balancing out that way.
LOVE this. A couple dentists came to my school and showed this when I was in second grade.
That means this person was what, seven?
It freaked me out, but in the best possible way.
You know, the American Dental Association really approved this video. Can you imagine
being that couple of dentists though?
We have to give a presentation at the elementary school today.
Oh what? But I hate children! That’s why I became a pediatric dentist. To teach those
children a lesson.
Oh don’t worry dude. I talked with the school, and we get to show them . . . the tape.
. . . Okay I don’t hate kids that much. That video is messed up, why would you show
that to literal children--
It was probably something along those lines. Anyway.
So the second and final Claymation masterpiece we’re going to look at today was not shown
in schools, but it was a 1985 kids’ fantasy adventure, featuring Mark Twain, Huckleberry
Finn, Tom Sawyer, and some girl that I . . . don’t remember her name. Like, did I ask?
Basically, the four of them hop on Mark Twain’s spaceship so they can go see Halley’s comet.
It’s a pretty simple concept, and admittedly low-key wholesome? Question mark?
But that’s only for the first half. Because then the second half happens and things just
get demonic.
I watched this as a child as well, and it was a mistake so . . . now we’re watching
it again for some reason.
Wow, is this the live action lion king remake? No wait, this lion’s showing too much emotion.
Time is slipping away nem. We’re getting older and older, Huck. There’s no wars breaking
out. No continents to explore. No way a man can make a name for himself.
Okay one: you're like three.
And two: I did not come here for an existential crisis triggered by an eight-year-old, so
I’m just going to fast forward until something interesting happens.
Come on, Huck! Come on, hurry up!
You’re nothing but a liar and a stowaway, Tom Sawyer!
Twelve seconds later.
Caught you out, didn’t I, Tom Sawyer. You are stowaways!
So, literally two seconds after calling Tom and Huck stowaways, what’s-her-face (I don’t
care) stows away on Mark Twain’s spaceship herself, and then calls them stowaways again.
The lack of self-awareness, I’m-- She would make a really good YouTuber.
So anyway, Mark Twain shows up and the four of them set off on their little adventure
to go see Halley’s comet.
Um, then it goes downhill.
Wow.
Hello.
Who are you?
An angel.
What’s your name?
Ŝ̵̛̺͉̱̟͎̙͉͙̙͈͖͔̯͂̆͊͊̽̇̍̚̕͜͝ ̵̨̙̗̙̖̗̤͓̤̞̳̬̝̒̽͗̀̌̿̃̉̈̒͂̌͝͝À̶̡̨̞̯̝̖͎͙͔͕̦̿̓̈͂́͂̓̑̏̉̍̕͜͠ͅ
̶̢̳̮͕̝̘̼̩̱̫̞͍̰̫̟̏̋ͅŢ̵̢̢̧̢̞̘̤̥̫͉̈́͑͊̓͛͛̀̀͗̏̎̽́̂́͘͜͠ ̵̨͓̲̙͕̼͔͔͈̘͔̘̻̝̳̈́̊̈́͐͜ͅÄ̷̡̛͚̯̤͖͓͔́͊̽̍̉̈̿͘͘͝͝
̷̨̝͇̗̮̰̗͎̰̳̈́̾ͅN̶̩̪̦̖͔͌͑͘
First of all, what?
What kind of fruit do you like the most?
Oranges!
Apples.
Grapes!
Did you just eat fruit . . . from Satan?
Are you literally trying to die? Like what—Okay.
I’m no bible expert, I’m no theology student, I’m no religion . . . person.
And even I know that fruit from Satan just—nothing good ever comes of that.
Fools.
What fascinations there are on this planet.
People are of no value.
We could make more some time.
Ǐ̸̛̼͍̣̝͖̩̖͈̹̝͌̎̈́̏̿̌̂͂͋͋͛̒̇̂̇͜ ̴̡̛͚͓̫̥̳̺̠̟͔̲͖̭̱̘̺̈́͊͋̆̓̌̌̆͌̀̐̾͜F̷̴̡̢̹̤̬͍̪͍̣̮͕̤̲̳͈̪̲͚̺̙̹̣͎̳̻̟̳̦̹̂́̈́̀͋͑̅̽͑͐́̏͛̓̎͘̚͘͜͝ ̴͖̖̺̻̭̦̾͐ ̴͉̗̊̈́̀̈́̈́̇͘ ̷͈͖̟̩̫͇̍͊̽̄̏̈́̚W̶̷̢̡̡̡̧̨̲̲̯̠̰͉̻̱̙̫͙͔͖̠̱̹̠̻̭̠̽̃͑̓̋͛̒̿̓͠͠Ę̴̢͉̰̞̦̤͕̮̞͈͚̺̳͖͓̈́̋ ̵̵̛̠̼̯̼͉̞͖͓̥̝̙̭̹̺̩̤̥̖͚̻̘̺̣̭͍̹́̒̈́̀̀͗̒̋̄̿́̈͊͑̔̓̀͑͌͐̋͐̄̕͜͜͝ ̷̼̠̼͙̗̾͜ ̴͍̌̔̇̑͂̓̎̓͘Ņ̷̵͕̙̯̥̲̘̲̖̳̖̠͖͖͕̱̖͚̻̘̺̣̭͍̹̈́̀̍͑̀͂͑̔̓̀͑͌͐̋͐̄̕͜͜ ̷̼̠̼͙̗̾͜ ̴͍̌̔̇̑͂̓̎̓͘Ņ̷͕̙̯̥̲̘̲̖̳̖̠͖͖͕̱̈́̀̍͑̀͂
̸̢͙͍͖̦͙͔̼̫̟̜̲̲̓̓͋̀͋̄̌͆̈͐̒̕͘E̵̢̟̾̐̌̉̒̈́͑̓͝ ̶̢̡̢̰̜̜͈̭͈̦͖̝̣͇͂͒́̇͒̉̇̽̑̿̾̃̋͠E̶̸̡̛̩͎̩͉̪̻̱̳̖̟͗̾́͑͊͌̀́͗͛̈́͂͛̏͑͒̅͠ͅD̴̷̢̨̡͙̫̦͉͚̝̙͎̮̤̖̯̟̍̽̒͛̇͋̌̒̃́͒͛̿̈̏̔̐̉̎̈́̉̄̌̕̚͝ ̶̢͓̜̻͖̘͔̩̳̣͙͕̩̮̈́͆͊̓̏̊̓͋̍̃̕͘̕T̶̰̤͈̘͎̟͇̱̦͈̽̏̉̆́͂̕͝͠ ̶̺̺͓̼͈̖͕͌̓̎͊̽̓̑͂͠͠ͅͅ ̶̷̡̯̮̙̪̟̠̔͋̾́͐̑̊̔̾͛͐͑́͂͋̾̔̚̕̚͘Ḩ̵̲̝̥̼̳̹̤̫̯̦̞͎̞̦͐̎̌͂̕ ̵̞̲̞̲̝̯͍̫͖̊̈̋̌͛̂̾̋͒̈́͗̈́͜͠Ę̵̴̡̧̢̢̢͈̝̖̝͎̘̼̪̟͕͖͑̊̓̈́̈́͗̉̑͑̀̽̏̈̚͘̚M̵̢̡̲̝͍̟̭̫̼̲̯̙̺̜̍̏̀͛̊͆̅̐͋͜͜͠
I'm good. I’m done. I’m fine. I think we get the point.
Here kids, have some existentialism.
I mean, why not start kids off with an existential crisis early. That is the moral of this video.
Happy childhoods are a social construct at the end of the day, and I think these evil
Claymation producers know that, and are trying to do all of us a favor by ending our childhoods
early. Anyway, looks like I’ve gotten ten minutes of content out of this, so leave a
like, tell me what you think, and subscribe if you haven’t already. Thank you for watching,
and a big thank you to my 130,000 subscribers. Okay bye.