[Disclaimer read by Jeice]
[Please keep these captions clean for those who need them. Funny extras can be added to the English (Canada) subs. Thank you!]
GURU: And so I tell him:
“I don’t care who you are! Now clean my jowls!”
And that was Nail’s first day on the job.
NAIL: Yes sir, I remember; I was there. That also doesn’t have anything to do with what we were talking about.
GURU: What were we talking about?
NAIL: That ungodly POWER headed our way!
GURU: Oh yeah. That.
NAIL: You know, perhaps you should give someone *else* that power-up?
You remember - the one you gave the Earthlings?
GURU: You are correct. It is time for me to unlock your hidden powers…
Dende.
DENDE: AH, WHAT THE HELL?!
GURU: And now, your power has been awakened.
DENDE: I noticed (!)
NAIL: Sir, I was referring to ME!
GURU: Now listen to me, Dende.
With these powers, you garner a huge responsibility.
I need you to run as fast as you can to the Earthlin—
NAIL: Sir, he left you the moment after you gave him the power-up.
GURU: That SLUT!
[♫ "Sanjō!! Ginyū Tokusentai!!" ♫]
Eriito Senshi - Ginyū Tokusentai!
♫ Tokusentai! ♫
JEICE: ...Then out of nowhere, this *stupid* guy in this *stupid* outfit starts beating us up and I lost me best mate and–!
CAPTAIN GINYU: Jeice! You’ll speak to me professionally and dutifully.
JEICE: Oh, um... sorry, Cap’n.
CPT. GINYU: Now, Jeice, back from the field. Full report!
JEICE: Well, see, at first it was going fine, but next thing we know, Guldo, well…
CPT. GINYU: Oh Lord, he’s dead, isn’t he?
JEICE: That he is, sir.
CPT. GINYU: Well, in our line of work, our lives can be compromised at any moment. This is something we must live with.
On the plus side, Burter owes me 50 Raditz.
JEICE: Aaabout that, Cap'n - he’s probably not gonna pay up.
CPT. GINYU: Really? He’s usually such a good sport about that.
JEICE: Thing is, he’s come down with a sudden case of death, sir.
CPT. GINYU: Oh...
that's...
wow...
That’s a rather hefty loss.
JEICE: Yes, sir. He was a valued teammate. Strong, fast, and—
CPT. GINYU: And blue!
JEICE: Pardon, Cap’n?
CPT. GINYU: Blue! And tall! And you're so red! And short!
It was the perfect little yin-yang thing we had going.
JEICE: Not that short, Cap’n.
CPT. GINYU: Oh, don’t go all Vegeta on me.
Now, where are we going to find another blue recruit? Perhaps Recoome knows someone?
JEICE: (Breathes tellingly)
CPT. GINYU: He’s dead too, isn’t he?
JEICE: Yeeaaah.
CPT. GINYU: Well, did he at least die with dignity?
[Flies buzzing]
JEICE: Define "dignity", sir.
CPT. GINYU: Uhhh…
Well, Jeice, I believe the next step is obvious.
We, as professionals, cannot allow this act to go unabated.
We have a job to finish, and we shall see it through.
JEICE: Yes, sir!
CPT. GINYU: Ginyu Force, away!
GOKU: Sure is nice to see you guys again. But I sure can’t help but feel that someone’s missing...
KRILLIN: Oh yeah; Bulma!
GOHAN: What do you think she’s up to?
KRILLIN: Probably something girly.
[♫ "Crabplosion" ♫]
♫ Yeah! ♫
KRILLIN: Like her hair.
VEGETA: Your idiotic banter is charming, but if you haven’t noticed, we’re pretty much screwed here.
GOKU: What? Why?
VEGETA: Freeza has the Dragon Balls, you *dolt*, which basically means we’re already dead!
KRILLIN: Actually, not really.
VEGETA: Oh? Something you know that I don’t?
KRILLIN: A lot of things, actually.
VEGETA: ...You have five seconds to rephrase that...
4... 3...
KRILLIN: Actually what I meant to say was when you make a wish on the Dragon Balls, the sky turns darker than the *blackest* void…
MR. POPO: Hm?
KRILLIN: ...and out of the balls rises a *giant dragon*!
So yeah, none of that.
VEGETA: ...2... 1...
CPT. GINYU: Hi, Vegeta.
VEGETA: Hi, Ginyu--... uugh...
JEICE: That’s him, Cap’n! That’s the one who beat us up!
CPT. GINYU: *What*? Just look at his hair! He looks like he just got out of bed! For goodness sakes, Jeice, he’s even wearing pajamas!
JEICE: I swear it, sir! He picked us apart one by one! We never stood a cha—!
{THWACK} GAOGH! D'oh, that’s just not *fair*!
GAOGH! D'oh, that’s just not *fair*!
CPT. GINYU: Jeice, what have I told you?!
VEGETA: You know, I’m surprised you’re here, Ginyu. I thought you’d be busy polishing Freeza’s boots.
CPT. GINYU: * First off, Lord Freeza doesn’t wear boots.
CPT. GINYU: * First off, Lord Freeza doesn’t wear boots. * Second, if he did, I’d have already polished them.
CPT. GINYU: * First off, Lord Freeza doesn’t wear boots. * Second, if he did, I’d have already polished them. * Third, he’s off chasing some leftover Namekians.
VEGETA: Wait, so Freeza’s not at the ship?
CPT. GINYU: Correct.
VEGETA: And you’re here?
CPT. GINYU: That’s right.
VEGETA: And the average power level of Freeza’s soldiers is…
CPT. GINYU: Two thousand.
VEGETA: Iiiinteresting!
GOKU: Krillin! Gohan! Get out of here and find Bulma.
Vegeta and I can handle this on our own.
KRILLIN: Oh, no! I mean, I’d really hate to leave you on your own, you know
but if you say so, LET’S GO, GOHAN!
GOHAN: Be careful, Dad!
GOKU: All right, Vegeta. We have to put our differences aside for now, and take these guys as a team.
VEGETA: Yeah, that’s fantastic and entertaining and all that, but first, if you don’t mind me, I need to use the restroom.
GOKU: Oh, okay--
VEGETA: About a hundred miles away.
GOKU: ...He has a very nervous bladder.
AAHWOOH!
FREEZA: 'So, for the first century, I’ll go easy on them, lure them into a false sense of security; and then when they think I’m not so bad,'
'BAM! I’ll go full tyrant on them in the second century! After that, I’ll disappear for a millennia and make them wonder if I ever existed to begin with...'
'just to come back and kill them all.'
Good afternoon.
DENDE: It’s morning...
FREEZA: Cute kid. Seems familiar.
NAIL: What do *you* want?
FREEZA: Ah, good sir. I suppose you could say I’m looking for "technical support".
GURU [off-screen]: Naaaail! Do we have a visitor?
NAIL: Yes, sir.
GURU [o-s]: Naaaail! Take his coat!
FREEZA: I don’t have a coat.
NAIL: He doesn’t have a coat, sir. And I believe this is the man who basically killed our entire race.
GURU [o-s]: Naaail. Don’t take his coat.
FREEZA: You see, I recently acquired what you people refer to as “Dragon Balls”, but I’m having trouble getting them to do what I want.
NAIL: Did you try working the shaft?
FREEZA: *Classy*.
GURU [o-s]: Naaaail! What does he want?
NAIL: He’s asking how to use the Dragon Balls.
GURU [o-s]: Did you tell him to work the shaft?
NAIL: Yes, Lord Guru.
GURU [o-s]: Good work, Nail.
FREEZA: I have the distinct impression you’re going to be difficult.
NAIL: Well, sir, if you’re having a problem with our customer support, you can call 1-800-EAT-A-D**K.
GURU [o-s]: We don’t even haaave those!!
FREEZA: Okay, this is getting ridiculous. What *is* that?
[Explosion]
GURU: Oh, God! NATURAL LIIIGHT!
FREEZA [aghast]: *Good Lord*, I was led to believe your species survived entirely on water! How is he so FAT?!
GURU: Oh, hello. I’m Super Kami Guru, and I’m the guy who’s *not* judging you on your appearance.
FREEZA: Well, my name is Freeza, ruler of most of the known galaxy. I’m here to offer you a deal.
You give me the information I require, and I’ll let the sporting young man live.
GURU: Pleeease. Nail isn’t afraid of you. He is the strongest of our race!
FREEZA: Oh, really?
NAIL: Uh, sir?
GURU: Yeah. Nail’s gonna *destroy* your sorry ass. They wouldn’t be able to air it on the news because it’ll be
SO BRUTAL!
NAIL: Sir, seriously!
GURU: Hush, Nail! I’m speaking for you.
FREEZA: Well, then. If this is the only course of action available to me, I accept.
I’ll dispatch of this worm, and then I’ll be back for *you*, *slug*.
GURU: Leave my brother out of this!
NAIL: Sir, his power is overwhelming! I can also sense it’s only a fraction of what he’s capable of!
GURU: *Nail*, listen to me.
You are Namek’s number one son. A prodigy child.
You have been trained in the ancient ways. I believe in you.
NAIL [surprised]: You… mean that, Lord Guru?
GURU: Yes, Nail. Now show him the staggering spirit of Namek, and waste his smug ass!
NAIL: Yes, sir! [To Freeza] Follow me!
GURU: Fool. If I had trained him in the *new* way, he might’ve stood a chance...
CPT. GINYU: You have an interesting form, and a surprisingly well-honed technique.
GOKU: And you’re purple!
[Dramatic disengage]
[Dramatic landings]
CPT. GINYU: I’m sufficiently impressed! You’ve held your own very well.
But your form and grace will never compare to that of the illustrious
CAPTAIN GINYU!
GOKU: You mean, like this?
CPT. GINYU: Oh, God! Is that what I look like?!
Jeice! That isn’t what I look like, is it?!
JEICE: No, Cap’n! You look amazing!
GOKU: No offense, but this is boring.
Like, really boring.
Like, listening to Gohan’s piano recital boring.
CPT. GINYU: I realize these poses in an effort to invigorate my men and raise morale!
How DARE you mock them!
GOKU: Well, I mean, it’s just, I’m not even using half my power right now.
CPT. GINYU: Ahaahhhhh. Quite a substantial bluff! But a bluff, and nothing more.
I’ve witnessed your abilities first hand, and I assure you that you’re—
GOKU: HIYAAAAA...
[Rapid Scouter beeps] GOKU: AAA...
JEICE: (Shocked gasp) GOKU: AAA...
GOKU: AAAAYAAAH!!
CPT. GINYU: A hundred and eighty thousand!
Huh...
JEICE: Oy, Cap’n! Isn’t your max power level only one hundred and—
CPT. GINYU: D'AAAUUUUGGHH!!
{SPLASH}
JEICE: ...Yeah, one hundred and twenty thousand. That’s what I thought.
GOKU: Is he gonna be okay?
JEICE: Eh, the Cap’n? Yeah, he just does that sometimes.
CPT. GINYU: GAUGH!!
All right, I’m back!
JEICE: ‘Ow ya goin, Cap’n?
CPT. GINYU: How do you think??
JEICE: Well, Cap’n, if you’re gettin’ stressed, you could always… you know...
CPT. GINYU: *Oh, Jeice*! This is hardly the time or the place!
Besides, I did it in the pod on the way here.
JEICE [astonished]: Uh… I meant switch bodies, sir...
CPT. GINYU: Ah yes, of course! Hold my Scouter.
GOKU: Hey, what’re you doing with your hand?
CPT. GINYU: URRRHHG! URH!
GOKU: Um, sir? You’re supposed to do that to me.
CPT. GINYU: Ohh-ho, but you see...
CPT. GINYU: Ohh-ho, but you see... I DID do it to you!
GOKU: I don’t understand--
CPT. GINYU: CHANGE NOOOWWWW!
'Ahahahahahahaa!'
'Haaahahahahahaaa!'
GOKU: 'Oh, wow… what happened? Everything seems… weird...'
'...oh, hey! There’s another me over there! I wonder if—'
'Aaaah! Ow! My *chest*! What in the…'
'...oh...'
'...oh...' GINYU!GOKU: ...oh...
...ohhhh...
♫ Tokusentai! ♫
KRILLIN: Hey, Bulma! We’re back!
GOHAN: How are ya doing?
BULMA: I FOUGHT A GIANT CRAB!
KRILLIN: They make a special shampoo for that, I hear.
{SMACK} OW!