-Today I’m going to Zabar’s on the Upper West Side with my friend Shifra,
who I’ve known for a very long time because I used to date her daughter.
-Shifra! - Jonah!
-My bubby. -How are you?
Shifra’s lived on the Upper West Side since she was 18
I figured, what better tour guide to show me around and teach me new tricks about Jewish cuisine?
Every Jewish mother thinks that their cuisine is the greatest, and Shifra is no exception.
Then we head to Zabar’s Deli next door to meet up with another Jewish homie.
-This is the last fucking potato knish of the day. -Do I dip it in here?
-Do you know what a knish is? -No?
-Your mom never cooked Jewish food?
-Nah, my mom likes it simple. She’s just like ”You want broccoli?”, here’s broccoli, and just throws broccoli.
I love Jewish food; it’s really bad for you, but I love it.
It’s just red meat and carbs.
-Well, also broccoli if you cook it for 6 hours.
-I went to one Passover dinner, and then I said never again. -Why?
-It took 15 hours just to eat a goddamn piece of matzoh.
-Oh yeah, that’s true. I remember somebody said, I want to come with you to your Passover seder.
I went, “No you don’t,” because you think it’s like Thanksgiving with matzoh, and instead it’s, like, 8 hours.
-Hi, can you see me? Can you see me, over there? Hello!
-What do you think of this, guys, I mean this is pretty delish
and do you think this is non-fat? I don’t.
-There’s no way, it’s too good. -It’s just the sign.
I agree!
-High five! You would get along with my mom.
My mom’s like, ”You’re not the only celebrity in the family, there’s a lot of famous Rabbis.”
But, ma, nobody knows these rabbis from like hundreds of years ago.
She’s like, ”Yes they do. Look em up, they’re on Wikipedia.”
-I’ve never had ice cream and then fish right afterwards.
-Right? It’s a little rare.
-Isn’t that so good? -Thank you, my little angel.
-As we walked through the supermarket, Shifra was offering me tip after tip about cooking Jewish food the way she does.
-Like, do you make brisket? Is your brisket the best in town?
-No, my pot roast is the best in town. That I get from the Kosher butcher.
Then I say to them, ”And after you weigh it and you charge me for all the fat, then take it off.”
-I’m cringing inside because -No, it’s delicious. Jonah, you’ve had my pot roast... it’s like...
-I have and it’s delicious.
-...Would you know how much pot fat I’ve cut out of it ? No, you have no clue.
-She does all this shit that I don’t do, but still I found myself learning a lot from her,
figuring out how to integrate some of her ways of cooking into mine.
-Okay, so I’m going to tell you the secret to great cooking.
-Oh yeah, talk to me.
Okay… And I really didn’t love to cook, but I really believed that family should eat together.
If I don’t think of it as “cooking,” but I think of it as love. So now, whenever I cook I always think,
I’m showing love to my children by cooking for them.
-Me and Shifra cook so differently, but we’re drawn to it for the same reason.
I get some meaty ass short ribs, some fragrant fresh herbs,
and then use a bunch of shit lying around in my kitchen to make something inspired by Shifra’s cooking.
These m*therf*ckers are going to be really tender when I’m done.
Shalom. Bitches.
-Now, do you think most of these people who eat at this restaurant look like Bernie Sanders.
Hello!