Hey Conan O'Brien here a lot of people
out there are concerned about the corona
virus some people are even starting to
panic well that's why I'm here
I emanate calm and reason and people in
these situations tend to look to me for
the answers there's a lot of simple ways
that if you work in an office you can
get around spreading the corona virus or
contracting it here to help me now is a
good friend of the show it's been
working come on in David alright he's
David hopping you've been working here
about I think about a month now right
three years I'm gonna show now use you
to help demonstrate in many ways that
one can avoid using handshakes for
example go to shake my hand no I don't
want to shake your hand you might have
the corona virus you understand okay now
say I'm pretty sure I don't I'm pretty
sure how do you know you don't all right
I have another idea
these are called grabbers hello good to
see you good to see you too do you like
a Kleenex no thanks
there you go mama no thank you blend it
almond milk almond breeze want some
almond pretties a lot of almond stuff do
you want some almond breeze do you want
some emanate calm and reason ahh
look my trusty assistant Sonam obsession
how are you so stressed right now would
you like a massage isn't that nice oh
there's and we can also fix your hair
style you very nicely we can oh you've
got a telephone call I do love America
my god shoot yourself
don't touch yourself salute yourself
using that there you go unfortunately
surgical masks are in short supply right
now but I've got a talk show so we have
a costume department and I found all
these old rubber masks Haren would you
mind putting this on sure okay erin has
been with us for what about about a year
right okay
just wear that until the corona virus is
gone all right you are now Mike Meyers
why don't you put this on okay there you
go
fantastic how does it smell in there
wrong great not great right the mask has
not been cleaned and it's very very
dirty ah Kramer
congratulations you get to be talk-show
host Conan O'Brien yes just put that on
and wear that until the corona virus is
gone man are you gonna get laid well
there you have it an entire staff look
this way everybody did you take your
mask off Kevin
what's your Matt Strawn hang-up
put your mask on why don't you take your
mask off the phone call can wait
this is my associate producer Kelly are
you worried about this front of iris no
not to worry about it right I don't
think it's gonna kill people my age I
think it's gonna get do you wash your
hands a lot everyone says you have to
wash your hands yes okay you got to wash
your hands and what they say is you have
to sing the song happy birthday twice
have you heard that yeah I've heard that
yeah but it's a boring song right yeah
that's right
that's why I wrote a song it's
informational that you can sing while
you're washing your hands and it's a
song I own so I'll make the money
pretty cool yeah
and sipping for while holding a sword
you can crack your skull on a diving
board you can drown in the tub or a lake
or a swimming pool you can eat a
poisoned birthday cake you can die from
the venom of a comments made you can
choke on a carrot in the cafeteria why
because there are so many things besides
Corona isn't it cool
do you really think it's cool and of
course our most German festive area here
at work is the office of Jordan slansky
I don't think you understand the way
viral transmission works I've educated
myself on viruses and viral transmission
you've done no such thing you're full of
I take probiotics supplements I built up
my intestinal flora
I take minimal supplements as
appropriate I eat a balanced diet good
for you then you won't mind if I lick
your face right now no what do you think
of that I think it's out of play
socially speaking but attention
catching the virus and succumbing to
that virus I'm not a pro tastes like bad
Cologne you were the greatest danger to
everybody on this staff I don't agree
with any of those things it is not for
you to agree or disagree I have passed
judgment I am judge jury and executioner
and it's no sense but I like it not
interested George is there any last
thing you'd like to say before you are
put in total seclusion in a prop
warehouse only that I hope you'll leave
me an air goal always an airhole for an
so what did you find
[Applause]
congratulations no fur that you'd be
carried out they'd like some fat you are
be safe and sing the comb in hand wash
himself and slip in follow my arm
holding a sword you can crack your skull
on a dime
we help no one