- I was laying in bed and thought I had to, you know
(imitating farting)
- and you're like,
are farts wet?
Are farts lumpy?
(suspenseful music)
- [Interviewer 1] Have you ever pooped your pants?
- I have never pooped my pants.
- [Interviewer 1] Never?
- Never.
- No.
- No, no, no, no, no.
- No.
- [Interviewer 2] You haven't pooped yourself?
- No.
- [Interviewer 2] Just a little.
- That's dirty.
- [Interviewer 2] But like, a tiny bit.
- Ew.
- No.
- [Interviewer 2] A little skidmark?
- No.
- [Interviewer 1] Are you sure?
- I'm sure.
- I don't believe I have.
- I don't think so.
- [Interviewer 1] Have you ever pooped your pants?
(deeply exhales, titters)
- Yes.
(laughs)
- I was on a run one time
and then I wasn't the only thing running.
- [Interviewer 2] That happens to runners a lot, right?
- I think so, I mean I hope so.
- We were on a hike.
- On a hike.
- The hike was about to end and you're like,
"Oh, should I just wait till it ends?"
- I totally just completely shit myself
in a white summer dress.
- Quickly walked back home and jumped into the shower.
- You got to walk slowly, you've gotta clench
your butt together.
- Clenching my butt cheeks.
- [Interviewer 1] Have you ever pooped your pants?
- Yeah, actually I have.
- Out of nowhere like I felt horrible stomach pain
and I started sweating.
So I was driving.
- Stuck in traffic.
- I'm not gonna make it, I'm not gonna make it,
I'm not gonna make it.
- I rush into a Krispy Kreme.
- They're like, "Our bathroom is closed."
- They said no.
- Fuck.
- I'm gonna die.
- And then the lady was like, "Oh, I can't give you the code
until you like buy something."
- Got lost trying to find the bathroom.
- Couldn't make it to the bathroom.
- Bought the donuts really quick
and she forgot the code so she had to go to the back.
- Someone is in their bathroom.
- We only had one bathroom and my roommate was in there.
- My dad was kidding around, he would not open the door
'cause he thought I was playing.
- I'm putting in the code but it was locked because
there was someone in there.
As soon as they stepped out I just went in
and then like I still had the donuts in my hands
and then mmh.
- I was inches aways from getting to the toilet.
- It's like felt this like awkward warm sensation
down my legs.
- Warm, mushy.
- Shit like sprayed up my back.
- [Interviewer 2] What'd you do after?
- Take care of the situation.
- Threw my underwear away and then continued with my day.
- I made it to the place and everyone had their donuts.
(interviewer 2 laughs)
- [Interviewer 2] You gave everyone your shit donuts?
- Yeah.
- [Interviewer 1] Have you ever pooped your pants?
- No.
- [Interviewer 2] Oh, come on.
- Not that I can recall.
- [Interviewer 2] How about like a little tiny like you-
- Not even a speck.
- No.
- [Interviewer 2] A little smear on your undies?
- It's like Fort Knox back there.
- [Interviewer 2] Have you ever shit your pants?
- Yes, I have, I have HIV.
At one point I was taking 34 pills three times a day.
You shat a lot.
- When I was pregnant towards the very end.
- I've pooped myself in labor.
- It happened in my swim suit.
- They had to hold the whole race to clean up the pool.
- On a jetski.
- At Disney World.
- A haunted house.
- Watching a movie.
- I was laughing.
- Laughing.
- Laughing too hard.
- Oh, also after I had anal one time.
- When you get all up in there sometimes stuff can happen.
- [Interviewer 1] Have you ever pooped your pants?
- No.
- No, I have not pooped my pants.
- No.
And I think it's because I don't drink.
- Maybe when I was drunk so I don't remember
so does that count?
- Drinking.
- Drunk.
- Drunken night.
- Super drunk.
- I was bent.
(raspily laughs)
And that elevator ride was long.
- I was on a date with this guy who I'd only been dating
for like two months and I literally shit my pants
thinking it was a fart.
- It slid out, well, I thought it was gonna be like a fart.
- Just did a fart.
- Fart.
- It wasn't a fart.
- It was...
- Shart.
- Sharted, yep, who hasn't?
Don't lie.
- Yeah, I had a little mistake at work a couple weeks ago.
It was a oop...
- Oop, gotta go.
- I just sat there and waited.
- [Interviewer 1] Till the meeting was over?
- Like an infant.
- I was singing some kind of long note
and sometime you clench up and it was just like
(imitates defecation).
You don't wanna let people know that you shit your pants
so you just kinda pretend that you didn't for the rest
of the show.
And that's why it's called Les Mis 'cause you're miserable.
- [Interviewer 2] Have you ever pooped your pants?
- No.
- No, thank God.
- Not like recently.
- Not since I was a child.
- [Interviewer 1] Have you ever pooped your pants?
- Yes.
(hysterically laughs)
- I was like eight.
- 11.
- I ruined my favorite red Power Ranger underwear.
- Got so embarrassed that I threw my underwear
in the garbage in the kitchen.
- I think it was Pee Wee football
and I got hit from the side so hard I shit my pants.
- [Interviewer 1] Wait, for real?
- Yeah, I kept playing but people on the team were like,
"What's that smell? What's that smell?"
- What is that fucking smell? It's fucken disgusting.
It's like, oh, fuck it's me.
- I was in fifth grade and I was obsessed with this
computer game called RuneScape.
I refused to leave 'cause I needed to like mine my gold
and I shit my pants.
Die hard, you know like that is gaming.
- [Interviewer 2] Have you ever pooped your pants?
- I don't think so.
I have pooped in a lake before.
- One time I poohed in a somebody's garbage can.
- I was doing Postmates and I got like Groundhog's Day, bro
it was like about to come out.
So I go into my car there was a plastic bag in there,
took a shit in my car.
(raspily laughs)
- [Interviewer 1] Have you ever pooped your pants?
- No.
- Once yes, I was really sick.
- You know, you get sick.
- Things were coming down, things were coming up.
- And having stomach flu issues all day.
- I laid down to feel better and...
- 20 minutes later, just awoke because I had shit.
Gotta get up, change the sheets, take a shower,
get back in bed, 20 minutes later, woke up in shit.
And this happened three times, I just like cried.
Like I feel like shit, there's nothing I want more
than sleep right now and I just can't stay asleep....
= [Interviewer 1] Yeah.
- ... because I keep shitting myself.
- [Interviewer 2] How many people do you think said
they shit their pants?
- 32.
- At least half.
- It's gotta be at least like 80, 80.
- [Interviewer 2] Would you be disappointed
if it was under that?
- A little bit, yeah.
'Cause I feel like it happens more often than people think.
Like even if it's just a little bit,
it's bound to come out, you know what I mean?