Can we talk about this? Yeah.
You were always rich but now,
I think you've bought three countries or something?
You are very wealthy. No. I owned-
I inherited a few countries at birth.
Okay. (laughs) (Sona laughs)
Yes.
And that's just something people should know.
(Billy laughs)
As a child-
And this is very unusual in an Irish-Catholic family.
(Sona laughs)
But I inherited nine islands in Greece.
Oh. Yeah.
Okay.
And I've been holding onto them and then I sold them.
Yeah. I-
You are a very wealthy man.
I respect that about you.
I was actually thinking this because-
(laughs) Who says that? I respect-
(Sona laughs)
You know...
Well, you've earned
your wealth- Not a big fan of Trump,
but then I found out (Billy laughs)
that he had some money and I do respect that.
(Sona laughs) (Billy laughs)
But you've earned your wealth.
He got it from his dad Mm-hmm.
and he is also a horrible person.
My father gave me nothing.
So- Nothing!
(Billy laughs) (Sona laughs)
Nothing. But here's what I was-
All I wanted was a hug.
Here's what I was gonna say.
(laughs) Oh shit.
Because there are, you know,
there's a question (Conan laughs)
of whether (laughs),
there's a question of whether, you know,
straight people will
go see "Bros", right? Yes.
There's like this big question mark
hanging over the movie.
And I really hope straight people do go see "Bros".
'Cause it's really, really funny
and we need you to go see it, right?
'Cause we wanna make money at the box office,
so that people keep making these movies
and, you know, we prove to the world that,
you know, this is a good thing.
We need more of it.
That this is a, you know,
a worthwhile venture-
to keep making movies about gay people.
But, instead of a lot of straight people going, Conan,
we could just have you buy one $20 million ticket.
I'll do it. (Sona laughs)
To go see it.
I'll do it.
And that's as much as we need.
That's our whole opening Is the ticket
weekend, right there. made of gold?
Yeah, exactly. (laughs) (Sona laughs)
And rainforest wood?
That's all it would take.
I'll do it. Thank you.
No, but also,
you know, let me reassure you.
First of all,
you claim I have all this money.
Mm-hmm. Sona will tell you,
I've made some terrible investments.
(Billy laughs)
Yeah, you have.
Really, really bad investments.
Right. I bought up
all the VHS machines about eight years ago.
Oh wow. Yeah.
'Cause I thought that was coming back.
Yeah. (Billy laughs)
I've done some terrible, terrible-
I had to loan him a lot of money.
Yeah, she loaned me money- Oh, wow.
Yeah. And I'm his assistant.
Yeah. Yeah.
That's unfortunate. I have-
But she has it now, 'cause-
well anyway,
(Sona laughs) (Billy laughs)
She's got all the money.
Off his back.
Yeah, and also you embezzled from me
and you're not even
a good embezzler. Yes.
But I'm so stupid about money that you got away with it.
I told you I was embezzling. And you- (laughs)
Yeah, and I didn't know what that word meant.
(Billy laughs) (Sona laughs)
And that's why she's not in prison.
'Cause they said, "She did tell you she was embezzling."
I was like, "Well, I didn't know what it meant.
(Sona laughs)
I thought that meant she just had warm, fuzzy feelings."
(Sona laughs)
I'm all embezzly about you.
(Sona laughs) (Billy laughs)
But, no,
I'll tell you-
First of all, Billy,
in my opinion, and I believe this passionately,
you are
funny first.
Before I know
anything else about you, Yeah.
you're just funny.
And in my experience, that is what everyone's hungry for.
They're hungry for-
They're hungry for a movie,
or a television show, or a moment, or performance,
that is funny.
You're also a talented actor.
And I know- I have not seen this film yet,
but I'm going to go see this movie.
Thank you.
And I know that you are going to be very relatable
and this is going to be good
and it's going to be very funny,
but also touching in moments.
And I think that that is the home run.
That's gonna be the home run.
And yes, I think that the word
on "Bros" or your work is going to be
"this is good". Yeah.
And not "it's good for America".
Of course, it's good for society,
it's good for the world.
But I just think it being funny
is what's going to sustain you.
Because that's what's sustained you your whole career.
That's true.
You know, you have that ability.
And, you know, that's how I met you,
that's how all of us met you-
was because you made it happen.
Yeah.
You're super talented
and Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you.
Yeah, no. And it is-
It's weird to say about my own movie
but I've now watched a lot of, you know,
early audiences at screenings react to it.
It is a really fucking funny movie.
Like, it is a-
Again, with the language.
It is a- (Sona laughs)
Well, I'm sorry.
When a straight person swears.
It's okay. I think we've established.
Oh, (indistinct) saying it. Didn't George Carlin
say that?
I think, Conan. (Conan laughs)
(Sona laughs)
It's so weird.
What a weird hill for me to die on.
Yeah. Only straight people
Everything- you're like, are allowed to curse.
I haven't pissed- Yeah. Yeah.
But just like, you know,
this is one thing I'm not backing down on.
After 30 years, this takes you down. (laughs)
Yeah.
I just think only straight people should swear.
(Sona laughs) (Billy laughs)
I don't know why I'm Nixon again,
but I believe only straight people should swear.
Those are the current topical references
that you listen to this podcast to hear.
I meant Cynthia Nixon.
That's what I meant.
I never said Richard Milhous.
But this is how Cynthia Nixon talks now.
(Sona laughs) (Billy laughs)
Why? 'Cause she's gay? (Conan laughs)
I'm leaving Conan.
Not all lesbians talk like Richard Nixon.
Regardless of what you think.
(group laughing)
You're tired of that old trope?
Exactly.
You're so tired of that whole trope
that all lesbians talk like Richard Nixon.
All lesbians talk like Richard Nixon
and all gay men fuck like L.B.J.
(Conan laughs) It's just not true.
It's just not true.
No matter what
Hollywood Haldeman!
wants you to think.
Haldeman, Ehrlichman, let's all get in the car
and go see "Thelma & Louise".
(Billy laughs) (Sona laughs)
That's the story for us, boys.
Then we'll get back to the Watergate.
and get that safe cracked.
(laughs) Oh my God.
What a strange joke. It's-
What a weird-
What a weird run.
Joke.
Yeah, what a weird run. Yes.
(Conan laughs)
You're like, don't worry, Billy,
you're relatable.
Just like me
and my lesbians-sound-like-Richard-Nixon-material.
(Conan laughs and claps) (Sona laughs)
So relatable.
You're welcome, middle America.
(Sona laughs)
I'm the next Jeff Foxworthy over here.
(Sona laughs) Now I-
I'm worried I just hurt "Bros".
People are gonna be like, I don't want to go see that.
Nixon's a lesbian in this movie?
(Billy laughs) (Sona laughs)
And he's being raped by a dinosaur?
(Sona laughs)
Pat Nixon fucked Sonic the Hedgehog in "Bros"?
(Conan laughs) (Sona laughs)
That's the first LGBTQ rom-com?
What's happened to (indistinct)?
He's lost his mind.