Hi, I'm Anna. From the title I bet you can tell what the story is going to be about.
Think it's a joke or think i'm exaggerating?
A lot of people do. Unfortunately, for me this isn't a joke or an exaggeration. I
really can't stop eating my own hair. Let me explain. It all started at the end of
last summer. I'd always been one of those high-strung kids; the littlest things
could set me off, get me crying, and just melting down. It's not that I was weird
or anything, just anxious I guess... And then we moved. I think that was a turning
point. I missed all my friends more than I expected,
and i felt like a total outsider at school. I didn't know anybody, I didn't
know any teachers, nobody was really friendly to me, and I couldn't even find
my way around the school. I mean the new school was just huge and intimidating.
And went all the way up to 12th grade, so it was just unnerving. I spent most of my
lunch breaks doing homework alone in the library, or wandering around the fields
with my headphones in listening to music. In hindsight, I guess, I never really
tried to get to know anyone or make any friends. I don't know... maybe I just
assumed that nobody would like me, so I never bothered trying. But soon I
realized that just being around people started to make me feel nervous. I mean
just sitting in the classroom with the other kids around made me feel itchy
like I just wanted to jump out of my seat. It was in one of these classes that
I first noticed myself chewing on the end of my ponytail. I hadn't even noticed
that I had put it in my mouth, but now I was absentmindedly gnawing on it and
swirling my tongue around the wet tip. I yanked it out of my mouth and looked
around nervously to make sure no one had seen me. Aanyone who saw that would think
I was weird for sure. Fortunately everyone was still focused on the
teacher, so I sat up straight and focused too. No big deal. Until the next time it
happened... I kept finding myself chewing on the end of my ponytail -in class,
in the car, even at home when I was doing homework, or more accurately stressing
out about homework. What was wrong with me? I started winding my hair up into a
bun, so that I couldn't play with it, but somehow- without even noticing- I'd reach
up and untwirl it, and my hair would go right back into my mouth again. What was
going on? I tried really hard not to do my hair in front of anyone, but when I
was alone in my room I just couldn't stop myself. Actually, it was kind of
relaxing. Crunching my hair between my teeth calmed me down, and helped me
relieve my stress. School was still awful and now I was even getting into trouble
for chewing gum during class. But can you blame me? I mean at least it was better
than chewing on my hair in front of everyone! And that's what my life became.
Walking alone, lunch alone, do my homework alone, panicking alone, and yes ...chewing on
my hair. It wasn't just my hair, though. I wouldn't chew my hair in front of people,
but I couldn't stop myself from chewing on my fingernails. Pretty soon, I had
bitten them down to these tiny little nubs. My hands looked so disgusting that
I got into the habit of keeping them balled into tight fists all the time, so
that people wouldn't notice them. I even held my pen all weird so that the tips of
my fingers were out of sight. A couple of weeks ago I was in the living room
watching TV with my family, and I started thinking about school. Wwe had to work on
a group assignment, and the teacher had to actually assign me a group, because I
didn't have any friends. I just started thinking, and thinking about how it was
so embarrassing... all the other kids probably thought I was such a freak... The
girl with no friends... what if they didn't tell me when they were meeting up to
work on the assignment and I got a D... My grades already weren't good as it was...
"ANNA" Mom's voice cut through my frantic thoughts. "What???" I answered looking up at
her. Why was my voice so strange and muffled? Oh no! I've been chewing on my
hair without even thinking about it. "When did you start chewing on your hair?
That's a bad habit!" she said frowning.
She came over and looked at the tip of my ponytail. "Your poor hair!
You must have chewed a couple of inches off . It's so ragged." I look down at the
ground, feeling ugly and ashamed. "I'm... sorry!"
"And - oh, Anna, your poor hands! How have I not noticed this?" I bawled my hands up
into their usual fists, but mom reached out and grabbed them looking at the red
swollen tips of my fingers, and the scabs around my fingernails. "I'm sorry' I said
even quieter, feeling tears start to perk at the corners of my eyes guys. "Can you
excuse us for a minute?" Mom asked softly and my Dad and brother immediately
bolted to the kitchen. Mum sat down next to me, wrapping her arms around my
shoulders. "Oh baby, can you please tell me what's going on?
Why are you doing this to yourself?" By this point I was full-on sobbing- tears
snot and all. Mom rubbed my back like she used to when I was a little kid, until I
was ready to talk. "I don't know! I didn't even mean to start doing it! I swear! It
just started happening after we moved And then... I don't know, I didn't mean to
but I couldn't stop and... it it makes me feel better. I don't even know why. "What's
going on at school? Is someone bullying you?" "No, nobody's bullying me. But I'm
scared they might. I guess I was just intimidated or something when we moved,
and I was scared everybody was gonna think I was weird and that nobody would
be my friend, so I didn't even try. I never even talked to anyone." Once I
started I couldn't stop. The words from tumbling out. "I can't sleep, I don't want
to eat, it's so hard to finish homework-" "Anna, Anna darling! It's okay! I went
through something similar when I was your age feeling really anxious all the
time. There are ways to help you, I promise!"
How about you take the day off school tomorrow, and we can start sorting this
out?" The following day with my mum was the first truly good day I had had in
months. She took me to an old-fashioned diner for curly fries and sundaes, and
then she took me to the doctor. She knew I was nervous,
so she held my hand the whole way in, and explained what we were going to do. "You
don't have to say anything." she said "I can explain it all to the doctor." I
actually gathered up the courage to explain a little bit of it myself, but it
was mostly Mom. She told the doctor about how anxious I was feeling, and the hair
chewing, and she got me to show my poor fingers. I was half scared that the
doctor would laugh at me, but she was actually really nice. She prescribed me
some antibiotic cream, and moisturizer for my fingers, and suggested that I wear
soft cotton gloves at night, so they had a chance to heal. She said that she
thought I had developed an anxiety disorder from the stress of moving, and
changing schools, and that I had developed what she called "tics" to cope,
like chewing my hair. She prescribed a little mini dose of medication to see if
that would help my anxiety, and she referred me to a therapist to talk to
who could teach me some coping strategies. I've only had a couple
appointments, but it's been really good. She's teaching me some meditation
techniques that I can use when I start to feel the anxiety coming on, things
like deep breathing and focusing on my toes, then my calves then my knees, then
my thighs... She made me practice the technique right
there in her office and she was right, it really did calm me down.
I still eat my hair ,but the meds are helping, so I'm not doing it as much, and
my nails are growing back. I see the therapist every week and she really
thinks I'm progressing. In fact, she's even helping me get the courage to say
hi to more people at school, and make an effort to fit in. There are a couple
girls I sit with at lunch now and they're really nice. I think they'll be
my first friends at the school, and I can't wait to get to know them better. Do
I still get anxious sometimes? Yeah, I do. I think it's in my nature, I'm just more
worried than most people around me. But that's fine, I'm just so thankful for my
Mom, and how she didn't make me feel like a weirdo- just listened and understood.
Now I know everything's gonna be okay. And what about you? Have you ever
struggled with anxiety or a bad habit like biting your nails? Let me know in
the comments below. Also, if you liked my story, please
subscribe to our channel, it helps a lot! Thanks for watching and see you next
time!