-Welcome, everybody. Welcome to "The Tonight Show"!
You're here. [ Cheers and applause ]
Thank you very much for watching.
I love you. Let's get to some news, guys.
It was a very chaotic day in Washington because, once again,
Republicans couldn't agree on the speaker of the House.
They were unable to elect Jim Jordan. Yeah.
They did this once before with Kevin McCarthy,
where it took 15 votes to get elected.
So only 14 more rounds to go.
Hang in there, Jim. [ Laughter ]
You can do it, Jimbo.
You can tell after the first vote
that Jordan was getting desperate
because he changed his name from Jim to Michael B.,
and it didn't help.
Well, switching gears, here's some fun news.
This week, Disney is celebrating their 100th anniversary.
[ Cheers and applause ]
100th.
You can tell Disney is old
because Pinocchio now has to take a pill
to make his nose grow.
[ Laughter ] I...
-Whoa!
[ Funky music plays ]
Pinocchio.
-Yeah, you can tell Disney is trying to stay fresh
because they recently updated their Hall of Presidents
to have them sing the number-one song in America,
and I'm not sure this is what the kids want.
Well, you take a look.
♪♪
-♪ Bitch, I said what I said ♪
-♪ I'd rather be famous instead ♪
-♪ I let all that get to my head ♪
-♪ I don't care, I paint the town red ♪
♪ Witch hunt ♪
-Oh, "witch hunt." [ Cheers and applause ]
Witch hunt, he said. -Wow.
-[ Chuckles ] That's kind of fun.
Maybe that's what they want, yeah.
Some more entertainment news.
The full cast was just announced for a new
"Law & Order" series,
called "Law & Order Toronto: Criminal Intent."
Yeah, every episode ends the same way.
The judge says, "How do you plead --
'soorry' or not 'soorry'?"
[ Laughter ]
Yeah, it's set in Canada,
so it's more of a good cop, good cop type of show.
[ Laughter ]
Well, get this -- "Marvel's Spider-Man 2"
video game just came out,
and people are saying it's a lot grittier than the last game.
Yeah, in this new version, Aunt May gets her heart broken
by the Golden Bachelor.
[ Laughter ]
You got to get Aunt May a date
before you start playing the game.
Yeah, it's sad. [ Laughter ]
Well, this is fun. To celebrate, the new video game,
Wheaties is going to feature Spider-Man on their boxes.
Can we see a photo?
-Oh. -Mm.
-Yeah, the box comes with the slogan, says,
"With great fiber comes great regularity."
[ Laughter ]
Well, people are talking about this.
There's a new pepper that was just named
the hottest in the world, and it's called Pepper X.
Yeah. I don't care what anyone says,
I'm still gonna call it Pepper Twitter.
[ Laughter ] -Nice.
Guys, finally, it is Tuesday.
It is time for WePost. Here we go.
-♪ WePost ♪
♪♪
♪ WePost ♪
-Now, welcome to "WePost."
This is where we, as a group, decide something
that we should post on socials.
I'm going to show you five different posts,
and we're all going to vote
on whether you like each one or not.
You all have voting clickers at your seats.
Do you see them there?
I see some people there getting them.
Okay, good. You can vote for all of these,
by the way, I should remind you. Or you can vote for none.
You can have -- Whatever you want to do,
I want you to have a good time.
Higgins, Roots, you all have your clickers?
-Got it. -Yeah, yeah.
-All right. Now, I'm gonna post whichever one
gets the most likes from all of us.
Because it's not a "me post." It's a "we post."
-Oh. Noice.
Yeah, thanks.
Maybe, like, some beat or a drum or...
[ Cymbals crash ]
No, no, like -- Like a...
[ Beat plays ] Yeah.
That's what I'm talking about.
That's right, it's a "we post."
[ Beat plays ]
All right. You guys ready?
The first post is...
[ Laughter ]
Who's doing this stuff? Like, yeah,
"You're gonna love this.
You won't believe how off-road --"
Where do you live?
Pave your driveway, dude.
Yeah. All right, let's see.
Here we go. The votes are in. Let's see the results.
Ooh. All right.
Mediocre.
Mediocre. You know what I feel?
I feel like maybe the audience is lit too hot.
Maybe they're afraid to do their real votes.
They like to be -- -They don't want people to know.
-Darker in the audience, they'll be more --
It's almost like -- People online, they go,
"Oh, I didn't like that." -Right.
If you could see their face, "Oh, that's pretty good."
-Yeah. -Maybe we dim the audience,
we dim the lights. Can we do that?
Can we bring down the lights?
Yeah. Taking their time. Oh.
-Oh, there we go. -Oh, wow.
Whoo! Yeah.
Now -- Now things are gonna get real.
-Things are gonna get weird!
-Things are gonna -- No, not weird.
Things are gonna get real. I don't think they'll get weird.
All right, here we go.
This next one is...
[ Laughter ]
There you go. Check it out.
It's like... -"Eh, 190?
80, 70, 60..."
-"What do you want me to say?" Yeah. Okay.
All right, let's see. Let's see the results here.
-Yeah, that's what I'm talking about!
[ Cheers and applause ] That's what I'm talking about.
That's -- Yeah.
I felt like everyone could be more honest.
-Yeah. -Yes.
We're being more honest with each other,
and I appreciate it. That's probably --
Think it's gonna be the winner?
-Uh... No, no, no, no.
-You don't think so?
-It's absolutely not gonna be the winner.
-That is -- I think that's t-- -I think whatever is next,
this next one's gonna be the winner, no matter what.
[ Laughter ]
-Oh, really? -Yeah.
I'm willing it to be me. Me -- Me --
-You're manifesting it? -Me and all my pals.
Yeah, we're gonna manifest it.
It's -- It's manifest destiny, bro.
-Do you want to see what it is?
-No, we don't need to know what it is.
Just let 'er rip, and let's get to thumbs-up'ing.
[ Laughter ]
-To "thumbs-up'ing"? -Yeah, man.
[ Laughter ]
-Here's the next one. -All right.
-Done. We're ready, we're done.
[ Laughter ]
I like it. I like it. It's getting --
It's already getting recycled as you're --
As you're sipping, it's already disintegrating
into the beverage.
-Now it's cardboard, too. -Yeah. Exactly.
All right. Let's see the results here.
-Oh.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-What?! -[ Laughing ]
-Wow.
Wow! That went up a dozen.
There's no way that's better than the scale.
-Right. -Yeah, yeah, it is.
-The scale one was great.
-This one was a shared experience.
[ Laughter ]
-Next up, it says...
[ Laughter ]
It's like, "Oh."
-[ Laughing ]
-Yeah. -[ Laughing ]
-Tariq's thumbs-down'ing it.
[ Laughter ]
-All right, here we go. Let's see the results on this.
Yeah. -Oh, man.
[ Sad tuba ]
Wow! -Maybe --
Maybe we turn the lights back up.
Turn the lights back up in the audience.
That's what I'm talking. I can see everybody now.
People can feel guilty if they're voting down.
Now I can look at them all and be like,
"Come on, guys, This is for programming here.
This is for -- This is for television."
A lot of people watching, making sure that we get
the best-quality posts.
-Yeah. -That scale one was quality.
-Yeah.
You're saying Tariq rigged the game?
-No, I'm just saying that paper-straw one was good...
-But not good. -I don't know.
That scale one... -It wasn't "scale" good, huh?
-Take the power back. Will this one into -- you know.
-Oh. You want me to take the power --
Make this one the best? -Yes.
-Eh, not gonna happen. [ Laughter ]
I can see this one. This one's good.
-It's good, but it's not paper-straw good.
-Paper straw was good, but I don't think
that's as good as scale good.
-Right. -Can we redo scale?
-No, no, Jimmy. What's done is done.
What do you -- Are you kidding me?
No one's saying you can't do it.
-[ As Trump ] I think it's rigged.
I think it's rigged. I think it's rigged.
I think Tariq came at it, and it's all rigged.
[ Laughter ]
[ Normal voice ] I just need a couple more votes.
I just need a couple more votes to make sure -- make it real.
-Come on, let's go, let's go, let's go.
I don't got all day.
[ Laughter ]
-All right, guys. All right, here we go.
The last one here says...
-Oh! Yes!
[ Laughter, audience groans ]
-Oh! Yeah, yeah! Are you feeling it?
Come on! -I'm with it a billion times.
Yes. -Feeling it!
-Okay. -Let's see the results!
[ Drumroll ]
-Oh!
One away! One away!
Which one -- -By one vote!
-Two thumbs down that!
-By one vote. That was you right there
did thumbs down. There you go.
All right. The winner is right there.
Papers straws make finishing your drink a race against time.
[ Cheers and applause ] You guys, I'm gonna post this
during the commercial break.
If you happen to see it online, give that WePost a repost.
Thank you for playing. We have a great show!