The splitting holidays to just splitting up,
you know, breakups and divorce
can be really, really difficult.
But we know there is life after separation.
My next guest, Sara Davidson,
is the Davidson, I should say, is the
author of a new book called Uncoupling.
And she's combined her own
experience with divorce,
along with her coaching skills to help
others thrive after a separation.
And she joins me now.
Thank you so much for being here
because as we were just talking
before the camera started rolling,
people, I don't think.
Realize really how hard divorce
is until they're in it.
Ohh absolutely not.
Many people know that divorce is
actually known as the second most
traumatic life experience we ever go
through after death of a loved one.
So it really does hit people
hard when it happens. I really
think it is something that if it
hasn't touched you and then it does,
you're just kind of shocked you went
through a two year divorce yourself and
it was just ohh, my gosh, two years.
Is that what inspired you to write this book?
Ohh absolutely yes. I've been coaching
for about 15 years when I went through
my divorce and I didn't see it. Coming.
So it hit me like a freight train. Ohh.
And my husband had met somebody else,
was madly in love,
and within months she was pregnant.
Oh my God. Yeah.
So I went through it.
I did a lot of that ugly crying
on the bathroom floor and just
trying to pick my life back up.
My son was only one at the time.
OK, sorry. I'm sorry. Wow.
Yeah. But here you are thriving,
not just surviving.
You are thriving. In the book,
you talk about the five stages
of separation. Phase one.
Should I leave my marriage?
I mean, you said it hit you.
Like a freight train.
But other people have kind
of hemmed and hard about this
very question for years.
Yes, sometimes relationships just
fizzle out over a period of time.
And so that is when people come and say look,
is the grass greener on the other side.
And you know as as you were just saying,
it is a very tough process to to navigate.
So it's worth thinking about very,
very carefully for sure.
And if you can save it, great.
If you can't, well,
don't worry because there are lots of
things you can do to make it easier and
you can go on to feel good afterwards.
How do you cope with those first few.
Weeks, those early days of separation,
those are some of the hardest.
Yes. And again, it's knowing
that you will get through it,
having the face and then
just looking after yourself.
So self-care is gonna be super,
super important in those early days.
And that's what we we're talking
about here is because you have to
go through the grieving process,
you kind of have to do the crying,
the ugly crying as I was talking about
and just let that out and but then you
move forward it and it does get better.
You can take your power back and I talk
about how to dial down those negative
emotions so that you can move forward.
That's so important. That's so important.
Phase #3, how do I get through my divorce?
Yeah. And again, it's step by step,
day by day, making sure you've got a
great breakup support team around you.
So people to answer all
those questions you've got,
whether that's legal,
financial and emotional support,
get your team in place.
They will really help you.
I've been a member of that team
for a friend of mine and I.
We were talking about it the other day,
and I said that was the hardest year of
my friendship with you, because it was.
But at least, you know,
she was never mean, vindictive.
She was just a hard year.
And so if you are that support person,
just hang in there because
that person really needs you.
Phase #4, how do I move forward with my life?
Well, this is the thing.
A lot of people get stuck.
So you come out of that divorce process.
But then what next is a big gaping hole.
So most people, most of my clients
either say, look, you know,
it's either a blank canvas or a black hole.
So as a coach and the people that
I trained to become coaches,
we throw colour on that
blank canvas for people,
show them how to move forward,
get them excited about the future,
or we're shining a light into that
black hole to help them move forward.
You can't move forward if you
don't know where you're going.
So it's important to have a plan.
So that's what we do, we start to.
Go on that rediscovery journey.
Like who are they now?
Phase #5, what happens
after my divorce? Well,
that's why it's about time
to take your power back,
to dial down any of those remaining
negative emotions and start having some fun.
Get your sparkle back and start
thinking about what you want from life.
So detox out the old and put in the new.
So break up bucket list is a great thing
to start with to help you moving forward.
I think another issue that we were talking
about was how when we see divorce on TV,
when we see celebrities get divorced,
it doesn't seem like that.
You know, it's like, ohh,
it's not a big, you know,
they just left and now they're in
Milan with their new boyfriend.
But anyone who's going through divorce,
I mean it's heart wrenching.
It breaks my heart seeing it.
Tell us how the media kind of doesn't
really portray everyone struggling.
Yes, I do think we live
in a celebrity culture.
So we see that, you know,
Jlo, for example.
I mean, thank goodness she's found
love now and she seems really happy,
but she's been through a process,
but she's always bouncing back in
the media with someone who's really
good looking and having fun and madly
in love again behind the scenes.
So, you know, celebrities are human.
They go through the same thing often
work with people behind the scenes.
And I see, you know, they're going
through those same raw grieving emotions.
It's just we don't see that.
So it's something to bear in mind.
It's not as easy as they make it look,
but you can make it more simple
and you can power through
it. Sarah, thank you so much.
Sarah Davidson. Uncoupling,
how to survive and thrive
after breakup and divorce.
Thank you very much.
This is great information.
Thanks for having me. Absolutely.