my soul is...
genderless
what is up, my beautiful people! welcome back to my channel!
my name is Keara also known as Queera!
and this is my video series #AskQueera
where you ask me your questions and i give you
or i try to...
give my best advice on that question
you usually send me these questions on instagram
and that was the case for this video
so if you want to participate in the next video, make sure you follow me on instagram right here
do it now!
today's video is all about genderfluidity! weeee!
i, myself, identify as genderfluid. my pronouns are they/them and she/her.
today it's a they/them day, so please do not refer to me as she/her
i've been debating just using they/them and no she/her
but, i'm kinda scared, because of what my family will think... and stuff like that.
so, i'm just, i'm going through it right now, okay
i do not know everything about nonbinary-ness
i don't know everything about genderfluidity
i am honestly still figuring shit out myself
all of these little bits of advice that i'm giving you
is literally just from my own personal experience
every nonbinary person and every genderfluid person is so, so different.
this is just from my personal experience. okay?
okay?
i made a video "how i knew i was genderfluid" as well
that a lot of these questions can be answered by stuff in that video
so i'm going to link that video below as well so you can watch it!
honestly i feel like i need to make an updated one because
a lot of things have changed since then and
i think i'm just like, learning more about myself every single day
if you don't have anything nice to say, please do not say it at all
i do not tolerate any sort of hate, okay?
but if you are here and have an open mind, welcome!
literally there are so many questions, i don't even know where to start!
first question. and i feel like this will be a good preface to
the rest of the video if you're just unsure about genderfluidity and what it is!
so someone said:
*reads question on screen*
nonbinary is actually the umbrella term that genderfluid falls under
nonbinary basically just means someone who feels
[their gender] is not, and they do not represent the binaries, male or female
they are somewhere outside of that, whether that's in between that,
or not on the spectrum at all
whether they fluctuate
nonbinary is a huge, huge, huge, huge, umbrella term that encompasses a lot of other terms!
this has nothing to do with their biological sex. their anatomy. their body parts.
this is separate from it.
a nonbinary person could be born with the male anatomy, and a nonbinary person could be born with female anatomy,
a nonbinary person could also be born as intersex
so genderfluid is a more specific term which basically means that
your gender varies based on the day, the month, the year, the hour...
so you feel like you kind of fluctuate all around the gender spectrum and maybe even off it!
hopefully that helps clear up that question!
next question:
*reads question on screen*
genderfluid doesn't mean that you are feminine, masculine, androgynous...
it's not really about that. it's more about how you feel on the inside
not so much how you present yourself
so i wanna make that clear.
but often times, those things do coincide.
so, your gender identity and your gender expression.
long story short, you can dress however the f*ck you want!
you don't have to be androgynous to be genderfluid or nonbinary
you don't have to present masculine, you don't have to present feminine. it's about
presenting how you feel most comfortable.
and yeah, so to answer that question... yes!
this one is kind of similar to the last one:
*reads question on screen*
so, androgynous is a way of presenting yourself.
androgynous is a way of self-expression. and again, it doesn't necessarily coincide with your gender identity.
it can, but it doesn't always.
depends on the person.
so they're completely different.
you do not have to perform androgyny if you are genderfluid, if that is not what is most authentic to you.
but if it is, then... who's gonna stop you?
i'm not! i'm just gonna sit here and be like... GO QUING!
next question:
*reads question on screen*
i'm assuming that this means that you're genderfluid but you don't experience any dysphoria about your body
the answer is yes, you absolutely can.
you don't have to have dysphoria to be nonbinary. some nonbinary people don't experience dysphoria.
but some do! and um...
the ones who don't are lucky mofos!
i, myself, only experience dysphoria on certain days, dysphoria about certain parts of my body
but not constant.
the next question is:
*reads question on screen*
so, i'm actually wearing one right now.
i personally don't wear binders very often.
i can't wear binders for long periods of time. only for like, at maximum, an hour.
like, making this video is probably the longest i will be able to wear a binder.
that's mainly because it makes me feel a bit like i can't breathe.
i also have an issue with my stomach where like
my stomach produces a lot of extra like, trapped gas
if i wear tight articles of clothing
so i'm scared to wear my binder for too long because i might get like a stabbing pain in my stomach for the rest of the day.
cuz my stomach is silly! and it does stuff!
because of that, i usually just wear very tight sports bras.
and sometimes i don't wear any bra depending on how i feel about my boobies that day...
this binder is kind of like a tank top.
that's my underwear.
this is how it goes. some binders are cut off right here.
this one is the brand UnderWorks. we got it from this queer sex store in toronto, it's called "come as you are." it's awesome.
but you can also order binders online.
i will put other websites where you can get binders up on the screen right now.
next question:
*reads question*
that's not shallow at all. i totally understand this.
personally, i've always wanted to get my hair cut short
but i keep it a bit longer because of the work i do... so, acting.
i find that i get a better range of roles with a bit longer hair.
i'm more versatile, i guess.
when i want to be a bit more androgynous and i have longer hair, what i will do is kind of just make it a bit messy.
just kinda not styling my hair looks a bit androgynous to me personally
so if it's a bit wavier, a bit curlier.
to me, straighter hair doesn't look as androgynous.
also , i will tuck it up into a beanie.
there's also wigs! like you can literally just buy a short wig
that you can put on when you feel like you wanna have short hair
if you don't wanna make the commitment.
but you can also just cut your hair short, and then you can buy wigs
that are longer for when you want to have longer hair!
wigs are amazing!
i need to do that honestly... i should do that!
someone said:
*reads question on screen*
yes. YES!
YUSSSSS
and i wanna see PICTURES!
next question:
*reads question on screen*
so everyone's situation is different!
from my experience, i experience a lot of gender envy
like on certain days, i wish that i looked like a cis man and i wish that i was born a male.
i'm really envious of their bodies, and their physique and their muscles!
and the way that they are able to wear certain clothes, and how it looks on them.
and how it won't look the same on me, if i were to put those same clothes on me.
and i...
am nonbinary.
so i feel like that's not a super common thing for cisgender women to feel?
i think you might be on the gender spectrum a little bit?
that's what it sounds like to me. what do you guys think?
that's just my non-expert opinion.
but also, don't feel pressured to, you know, label yourself.
you also don't have to figure everything out right now, like you literally have the rest of your life to do that!
and... you can just be floating in... floating in space-- in the gender... sphere?
you don't have to label yourself. you really don't.
it's the same thing with sexuality.
it's like, you don't have to label your sexuality. you can just BE!
you can just EXIST!
same thing with gender. you can just EXIST!
but it might get a little tricky when people are referring to you in ways that you don't want to be referred to.
so maybe do a little more reflection!
next question:
*reads question on screen*
this is literally me!
i personally have trouble correcting people in person about what pronouns i want them to use for me.
i'm better at correcting them on social media, because literally all i have to do is type out a sentence!
but in person it's really hard because then, it feels awkward to just be like:
"oh, ahhh i'm sorry but like, can you please use they/them?"
"can you-- can you just-- can you not call me a girl?"
i feel like an inconvenience when i do that to people, so this is hard for me to answer.
one thing that could maybe help is using a pronoun pin, or a pronoun bracelet, or something like that!
but other than that, there's honestly-- there's no other way than to be straight up and honest with that person
and i know it's hard!
but maybe doing it at the beginning of the conversation, like towards the introduction.
it's gonna be easier than saying it like,
when you've been talking for an hour, two hours, or when you've known someone for like a couple weeks, a couple months,
and then you're like "oh by the way, all this time you've been misgendering me!"
i feel like, just getting it over with. i know it like feels weird
but like, trust me, you're gonna feel so much better.
and that other person is gonna feel so much better that they know that they're not misgendering you now!
you need to prioritize you in this situation. you know what i mean?
and here's like an example of how you could do that, so...
let's say, two people are talking.
and they're with you.
one of them is introducing you to the other person.
let's say, i only use they/them pronouns.
"this is my friend keara, she's a singer and an actor..."
i would just interject:
"oh, my pronouns are actually they/them, thank you so much!"
instead of saying sorry, like don't apologize because it's not your fault
it's really no one's fault.
it's just a lack of knowledge, a lack of being informed.
"oh, my pronouns are actually they/them. thanks"
casual.
that was good!
i should practice that in the mirror.
next question:
*reads question on screen*
aw you're cute. thank you!
a hundred percent!
you absolutely do not need childhood signs to now identify as nonbinary or genderfluid.
lauren- duty calls!
enjoy!
nature's calling!
*laughs*
i personally don't have a ton of childhood signs, but there are certain things i can look back on and be like
"ahh... that makes sense"
but i didn't necessarily even need those to confirm that i am genderfluid now.
some people do have childhood signs, some people don't.
i made an instagram reel where i was like:
"childhood signs that confirmed i was genderfluid"
i wish i could change the wording of that now, looking back on it because it didn't CONFIRM that i'm genderfluid
it just-- signs may point to genderfluidity.
another thing about gender fluidity: FLUID is in the title!
so that means, your gender may change over time!
maybe when you were younger -- if you were born female -- you felt [like a girl]
up until this point
and now you don't feel like [a girl] anymore
that is valid. that's valid, okay?!
next question:
*reads question on screen*
*laughs* wait, i love that! that's-- same.
*reads*
no. i don't think so. i think that's just your parents being confused. wanting to know where you're at.
i don't think it comes from a place with ill intentions.
but i think it's them just wanting to know more about their child!
and also i think they probably want to know what pronouns to use.
they probably also wanna know how to refer to you, so, as their daughter, as their son, as their child?
i don't think you need to give them a label, whether that's genderfluid, whether that's agender, trans, nonbinary, blah blah blah
lauren- don't go in there
i won't
*kiss*
aw! thank you!
next question:
*reads question on screen*
a hundred percent!
genderfluid could literally mean you're fluctuating wherever on the gender spectrum
it doesn't mean you have to hit either of the binaries, in terms of how you feel day-to-day
you could be in the middle kind of fluctuating, you can be out here kinda fluctuating, you can be over here fluctuating
you don't have to feel like male or female any of the time!
even though sometimes people may feel like one of the binary genders occasionally
and still be genderfluid
you don't have to feel that way in order to be genderfluid, so i hope that helps!
this question may have a lot of differing opinions,
i know there's a lot of differing opinions on the internet about this
but this is just gonna be my own personal opinion
and no one has to get mad
someone said:
*reads question on screen*
i thought about this for a really long time. it's been marinating in my brain for a while.
and i am not the type of person to tell someone you can't do something
because if that is how you genuinely feel, with no outside pressures on you,
then, who am i to tell you what you can and can't do
however, if you're a cisgender female, why would you feel the need to use they/them as well as she/her?
that would indicate that you might not be a cisgender female.
the thing with they/them pronouns, is people started using them because it was a gender-neutral way
of other people to refer to them.
so instead of saying she/her or he/him, it's the gender-neutral alternative for people who don't feel comfortable using she/her or he/him.
my question is, why do you want to use they/them, if you feel 100% female and are comfortable in that identity?
but i'm also not the one to say you can't do something if it feels right to you.
what do you guys think in the comments below?
no need to get heated!
let's just have an open discussion about this in the comments below because i genuinely-- i am confused about this.
and even though i'm confused about it, i'm not gonna tell someone that it's wrong
i don't know. thoughts? thoughts?
next question:
*reads question on screen*
no. honestly... no.
since i'm genderfluid, i might always be questioning it because--
not the fact that i am genderfluid
the nature of genderfluidity kind of makes me question it all the time because
on days where, you know, i might feel gender envy about males
and like how they look, i'm like...
am i trans? like, am i a binary trans person?
and then on days when i might feel like a female, or a woman
i'm like, wait, am i genderfluid?
but i think that's the nature of genderfluidity is like you kind of, you just go like this--
and you're not always the same. you don't always feel the exact same.
i'm trying to answer as many as possible. this video is gonna be hella long.
*reads question on screen*
it starts with something happening.
so either me getting dressed in the morning
or me talking to someone and them referring to me in a certain way that i might not like
it's so hard to explain to people who don't experience it!
i get dressed in the morning, i put on a certain thing
and i'm like "ah, no, bleeehh. i-- that doesn't feel good"
like today i put on this sweater
but i wasn't wearing a binder under it
and i looked in the mirror and i was like "ah, no!"
and so, i put a binder on and i felt better
and when i was doing my makeup today
i was like "ooh, maybe i shouldn't have done this because now i don't really feel like this reflects how i want to present today"
but i'm just gonna go with it because i already put in so much work!
next question:
*reads question on screen*
it depends on the day, honey!
it's either like, a tighter article of clothing, and a looser article of clothing
and a mixture of feminine and masculine together.
and this isn't every day. like sometimes i'm flip-flopping!
i'm gonna answer one more question because this video's gonna be literally an hour long
*reads question on screen*
that's kind of like pronoun indifference.
so like, you don't really care which pronouns people use for you
like, all of them work.
i think it's called pronoun indifference.
anyway, that was fun!
if you gotten this far, please comment below a yellow heart because that is my favourite colour.
thank you for being here!
like i said, if you wanna participate in the next video like this, like the next Ask Queera
please follow me on instagram!
and i'm also gonna be starting a new project that is not on youtube
and i'm gonna be getting a lot of input from you guys
so, please follow me on instagram for updates on that!
here's a hug
wait, let me get closer.
i love you, i'll see you in my next video!