'What are you watching'
'Nothing specialist Just switching Around trying to find something else.'
Welcome back to my Dark Corner of this Sick world.
‘He does look fantastic.'
This is the Thing With Two Heads.
‘We are joined together temporarily'
Heads by FX master Rick Baker in only his second film after Octoman.
'It's not as bad as it sounds.'
So this is already a massive step up.
'But how did that happen?'
Brilliant but bigoted surgeon Dr Kershner
‘A bigot of the highest calibre’
is dying. But he has perfected a way of transplanting a head onto a donor body.
After 30 days the original head can be removed and the replacement takes over with no ill effects,
apart from being slightly off centre.
‘That is not the gorilla’s original head.’
As Dr Kurshner slips into a coma his team race to find a donor who is willing to die,
And they find one on death row.
‘I think I’d like to donate my body to science after all’
'Who is not so much willing die, as going to anyway.'
'Max listen to me, we did it.'
Just one slight problem.
‘Is this some kind of a joke?’
Actually 2 problems.
‘I’m innocent’
Jack Moss has 30 days to prove his innocence before being permanently cut off.
'Now it's your turn!'
I’m going to say something controversial.
‘I should have known your kind sticks together’
Not that controversial;
this isn’t a bad premise.'
‘You must be joking’
Obviously you have to get passed the bullshit science.
‘We have achieved 100% spinal alignment on the newly transplanted head.’
Not unless he has two spines!
‘That’s impossible’
Yes. But ignore that and you have a race against time thriller told through a character conflict.
‘Shut up’
And that’s as sophisticated as the conflict gets.
‘Take your hands off me’
What about the thriller plotline?
Jack’s girl is trying to track down the man who can provide an alibi but how can he contact her?
‘It’s cool cos they don’t know where she lives’
Wow, she must be holed up somewhere.
'Who is it?'
'It's me baby big Jack.'
No, this is just her home. Do the police not have access to a phone book?!
‘Absolutely amazing’
And that’s the problem with this film
‘I don’t believe it’
Not head transplant, I’m fine with that, despite the obvious fake head in long shots.
it’s the rest of it I don’t like and above all the ending for several reasons.
‘I haven't much time, I want you to prepare for the removal of the other head’
‘The place is crawling with police, they want Moss dead’
Well cutting off his head will kill him.
That was the deal from the start.
‘We’ll need a donor, someone with an inoperable brain condition with a body that cannot be saved’
Vile though he is, Kershner makes a point of looking for a man who’s dying anyway,
it’s bad luck he ends up with the innocent condemned man and at the end.
‘You’d be killing an innocent man’
He does the right thing.
Not because he’s learnt something or grown in any way, he just doesn’t want to kill an innocent man.
‘Now you know you got to go’
While the good guys are more than happy to off him,
'If you cut off my head that’ll be murder’
Which does seem the wrong way round.
‘It’s not as bad as it sounds’
Then there’s the thriller aspect; 30 days for Moss to prove his innocence!
#Oh Happy Day#
Maybe he does maybe the doesn’t the film doesn’t bother to tie that up,
for all we know he was back in the electric chair tomorrow!
‘What’s happening?’
So the charact er stuff goes nowhere and the thriller stuff goes nowhere.
‘Is that a fact?’
All we get is some reminders that racism is bad.
‘Things might be different if I were white, right?!’
Punctuated by a 20 minute comedy chase scene.
'Oh my God!'
‘I told you to keep that seat belt fastened’
and the weakest penis joke in history.
‘Do you have two of anything else’
Tah dah!
Who would you least like to share a body with? Let us know in the comments below.
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Boys Boys Boys don't argue it's all Settled