and so partly what you're doing by
attending to your child constantly is
noticing where they are in the
construction of this hierarchy and they
start way down here right and so that's
why you play peekaboo for example it's
like they can do that and you can you
know you interact with them because you
can watch you do a little something and
if they respond you got some sense that
you're you're at the same level and kids
in playgrounds do that with each other
right away so if you if you see two
three-year-olds together say they're
fairly sophisticated for three-year-olds
what they'll do is they'll start playing
a little primitive game with each other
like dog like a dog you know what a dog
does when it wants to play it kind of
goes like that and and that's what kids
do and and that's what adults do too
it's it's a play play invitation it's
like I'm ready but you're smiling it's
not like I'm ready it's and so you can
tell the difference between a play fight
and play and kids can too so it's an
invitation to play and so if you're
interacting with your little kid they
they got that play circuit man that
thing's in there like when they're from
birth I think cuz you can play with kid
right from birth at least something like
peekaboo and so you're on the same
wavelength fundamentally and then you
interact with them and you see if
they're following what you're doing it's
what I'm doing when i'm lecturing more
or less I'm watching you guys and seeing
if we're more or less on the in the same
shared space you know and we want the
space to be expanding because if it's
just staying the same well you might as
well play whatever you play on your
computer uh it has to be expanding at
the same time that's op optimal and so
when you're playing with your kid you
put them on that developmental Edge
where they're undoing and then
rebuilding their little skills you know
you can do that like I had this memory
from when I was a little kid a while
back and I
remembered I used to go over to these
people's house with my father and my mom
and it was way up in Northern Alberta
and these people were Russian immigrants
children of Russian immigrants and they
had a farmhouse way way out in the
country way out by the way the where the
railroad actually ended if you walked
North from there you'd walk until you
hit like southern Europe without F
running into another person it was way
the hell out in the middle of nowhere
and anyways they had a nice house like a
warm house you know they had three kids
and they were way older than me but it
was a real fun comfortable place to go
and I used to sit in the living room
with my father and his friend whose name
was Nick and Nick was a really playful
guy I really liked him he was like my
surrogate grandfather and I used to I
don't think I was more than about three
I'd sit there and I try to hit his foot
with my fist and he would be talking to
my dad you know and my dad would say
Jordan don't bother Nick and Nick would
saywell he's not really bothering me and
cuz Dad was checking it out to see if I
was an annoying twerp or if I was a fun
kid you know cuz it's a fine line and so
I Tred to hit his foot and he would move
it and I had this memory a while back
and I thought well that was a good
memory and I thought what is going on
there exactly and I realized well he was
sharpening he was sharpening me up you
know it's like I was aiming at something
something you're aiming at something
you're pointing your eyes at it you're
pointing your whole damn Soul at it
you're aiming at something and you're
trying to get your behaviors and your
conceptions in line and organized so
that you can attain that aim that's what
people do you know we throw rocks at
things we we we fire arrows at things we
shoot guns at things we aim at things
our whole body is that platform for
aiming and I was trying to aim at his
feet and he'd move his feet you know but
he'd let me hit it what now and then and
so let's say You're a Rat okay because
like I said a rat's a good model for a
person let's say you're a little rat a
juvenile male and you want to play
because you want to play and you'll work
to play and that's how we know you want
to play if we're experimental
psychologists because you'll bsh but
button push like mad to get access to an
arena where you can wrestle with another
little rat and so rats wrestle just like
human beings and they even pin each
other just like human beings and they
love that and so if you put little rat a
in with little rat B and rat B is 10%
bigger little rat B can Stomp the hell
out of little rat a all the time so they
go out there and they have a little
dominance
competition and little rat B is going to
win because he's bigger so now he's
dominant rat so then they play and they
wrestle and little rat a loses but and
then next time they both know that
little rat a is the inviter because he's
subordinate so he's the one has to go up
to the big rat and go you ready and the
big rat then will wrestle however if you
repeat ly pair them and the big rat
doesn't let the little rat win at least
30% of the time the little rat won't
invite him to play anymore and that was
Yak pep who figured that out and that is
mindboggling because it tells you like
the there's a there's an ethical basis
for play that's so deep that the damn
rats and they're rats right not known
for their sense of fair play the big rat
has to let the little rat win 30% of the
time or the little rat will not play
anymore and Even Rats know that it's
it's so profound that Discovery like
panks have discovered the play circuit
in mammals that's a big deal that's like
discovering a whole continent like
that's a big deal he should have got a
Nobel Prize for that and to see that
that's built in that sense of fair play
that's mindboggling you know cuz that's
evidence for the biological
instantiation of a complex morality fair
play even if you can win you shouldn't
all the time well so when I'm trying to
hit Nick's feet with my hand like I'm
really paying attention and he's moving
it pretty well but now and then I get to
nail it and I'm feeling pretty good
about that you know and he makes it a
little bit more difficult all the time
so that my aim gets better and better
and I'm building up my motor
coordination I'm building up my social
skills because I don't hit too hard and
I don't cry when I miss because that
just makes you annoying to play with
right so I'm learning really complicated
things about how to go about finessing
my aim and that's what you're doing with
your kids and what are they aiming at
well
they aim higher and higher so when my
son was about 2 and A2 we had him start
setting the table you don't say you know
you want to take Grandma's Fine China
and go set the table it's like no you
don't do that you
say you know what a fork looks like he
goes yeah see you know where the forks
are well that doesn't work cuz the
drawer is way up here right so you have
to hand him a fork you say look take
this fork and go put it on the table and
he's like this High you know so he goes
over to the table and he puts the fork
up here can't even see what he's doing
he puts the fork up there and then you
know he's reasonably happy with that and
you give him a pat and then you go and
give him a really sharp no no you don't
do
that you don't do that you give him a
spoon and you say well go put the spoon
beside the fork and you don't say look
you stupid kid you got to leave enough
space between the fork and the spoon so
the plate can fit there don't you know
anything you're stupid it's like well
that's right up here right you're a bad
kid no that's bad you don't do do that
you go down here and you say well good
micro routine adaptation there
Chum let's try it again you know and you
build that up and like and you can't
extend the kid past its Point his point
or her point of exhaustion because it's
got to be a game and a 2-year-old can
probably only do that for you can watch
them and some are more persistent than
others but 10 minutes 15 minutes you're
pushing your luck you can take a
2-year-old to a restaurant for about 40
minutes and expect them to sit and
behave but after that you know the the
will exhausts them all right well
anyways that's p in his na form
fundamentally and so if you if you
remember that diagram and you think
about how that would be built from the
bottom up and how there would be a stage
transition every time those things are
learned you kind of got the Essential
Elements of pedian theory so