Hey there, this is Clay, the world's leading breakup coach for high achievers, and in this
video we're going to talk about the three most common reasons why people get back together
with an ex.
okay?
And obviously I'm going to be skipping the not inspiring reasons like I couldn't meet
anyone else better or I was lonely or something like that, right?
We're going to talk about the positive reasons why people actually get back together with
their ex.
So the first one is that there is a better connection and empathy between the two people,
right?
So oftentimes a lot of relationship problems happen when we kind of lose touch with the
fact that our partner is a human being, right?
Not an idea, right?
But we, we kind of lose touch with this and we start to forget that there are positive
reasons, positive intentions behind what it is that they're doing that might get under
our skin or annoyance or break our hearts or or, or make us feel betrayed or whatever.
Right?
There are certain reasons and they probably didn't intend to hurt us or do anything bad
like that.
They would probably just trying to get their own needs met and maybe they inadvertently
caused us pain or, or something like that.
Right.
And the more we can stay tuned into this fact that they are a human being, you know, even
when they're not hurting us, even when they're just trying to do things with their own life
or, or going about their day or maybe they don't text us back or something like that,
it's probably not due to something nefarious reason.
Like, I'm not going to text you back and you're going to be left sitting there.
It added all day long.
Like they're, they're probably not thinking about that.
They're probably just like, oh, okay, well there was a text message.
Oh, but I'm like about to checkout at the grocery store.
I'll put my phone away and go check out, and then they forget.
Or then something comes up or they're like, Oh gee, you know, I really want to text this
person back, but maybe I'm nervous about it.
To what?
Like what do I say?
Right.
There's all kinds of these different things and so the more we can tune into the fact
that our ex is, is a human being, the more we can connect with them, the more we can
have empathy for them.
and obviously the more empathy in the more connection that two people have for one another,
the more likely it is that they're going to want to spend more time together and get back
together with each other and have a relationship with one another, right?
So that is really one of the main reasons why we do teach the advanced relational skills,
to people who are interested in getting back together with an ex is so that you can rebuild
the empathy and connection between you and them so that you can kind of restore that
relationship.
So again, having connection and empathy is the number one reason why people get back
together with an ex.
Now the number two reason why people get back together with an ex is because there's been
some kind of positive change that's been made, right?
So there could be a, you know, a, an endless number of reasons why somebody might break
up with somebody else.
And the bottom line is that nobody really wants to walk right back into the same relationship
that they walked out of in the first place.
They don't want to walk back in with the unemployed boyfriend or they don't want to go back to
the girlfriend who cheats all the time or whatever it is, right?
There are reasons why people leave and in order for them to want to come back, you have
to make sure that whatever condition was in place that caused them to leave in the first
place is gone, is resolved.
It somehow improved or better.
Right?
And in a lot of cases that does tie back to the first thing we talked about, which is
the emotional connection.
And oftentimes, you know, people break up because there is a lack of that emotional
connection or the emotional connection suffered and it led to other things happening.
And so if you can just fix that emotional connection than it's going to make them want
to get back together with the person that they call their ex.
But if there's any other sort of thing going on, like if they think that you don't have
a, you know, your career figured out or if they are concerned that maybe you have different
values or whatever, then you have to really kind of do something to show them that that
part of your life is changed or improved or it's going to be different so that they know
that they are not walking back into the same relationship that they walk out of in the
first place.
Right?
So you want to be sure that there is that kind of evidence demonstrating evidence of
permanent change.
We talk about demonstrated or demonstrable.
If you're my English teacher, demonstrate evidence of change, right?
We don't want it to just be like talking like, oh yeah, I promise I'm going to get a job
or I'm, I promise things are going to be different.
I promise I'll be more kind of like, it's not just about talk.
You have to actually walk the walk so you have to be able to demonstrate this and when
you can demonstrate that there is changing, it's not just talk, it's not just promises,
it's not just begging and pleading or anything like that, but when it's actual concrete,
demonstrable, whatever you want to go, English teachers out there, then that is going to
show your ex, that's, hey, something's different.
I'm not just going to walk back into this same relationship.
It's not going to be the same old game that it was before.
Something is going to be different and I think it's going to be something that's a lot better
than it was before.
And so that is the second reason why people get back together with an ex.
okay?
And the third reason, and the final reason we're going to talk about in this video about
why people get back to you with an ex is because they have cleared away the painful history
between the two of them.
Now, whenever there is a relationship that ends in a break, if there's usually some kind
of painful history, whether it's, you know, somebody said something hurtful or somebody
betrayed somebody else in some way or some promise was broken or whatever it is, right?
There's usually some kind of lack of trust or some sort of hurt emotions and all of that
stuff.
And so you have to be able to clear that stuff away.
And, you know, you want to be able to take a take an honest look, you know, is there
anything that you did in that relationship, anything that happened with that maybe you
need to apologize for.
If there is, then by all means do I mean don't go out and apologize just for the sake of
apologize and they'll go out and apologize about knowing what you're going to apologize
for.
But if there is something very specific that you did, that maybe hurt your ex or, or caused
some damage in that relationship, then maybe you do need to apologize for that.
And for those of you who are in our course in our program, be sure to use the fresh start
templates to give you kind of a good starting ground for how you can go ahead and make that
apology work, how you can make it like really shine through your ex so that they get it
so that, so that you know, you can kind of connect it to how they experienced it and
it when, when you do that, kind of gets them to open up and let go of that pain a whole
lot, a much more effectively than if you would just be like, yeah, sorry.
You know what I mean?
So, again, if you need to go ahead and apologize for something, but that's not always the,
the whole picture when it comes to letting go of the past and putting on the history.
Obviously you need to replace that with a new foundation of better connection, better
understanding, et cetera.
Which of course ties back to that first thing that we talked about today.
In terms of making sure that you have a better connection and more empathy towards one another.
Okay.
So in this video we've talked about the three most common positive reasons why people get
back together with an ex.
Again, this has been Clay Andrews with relationship in a game.com.
If you'd like more help, uh, and more strategies, tips, advice, et Cetera, to help you get back
together with your ex, please head on over to our website.
It's over at relationshipinnergame.com.
You can sign up for our email newsletter over there and we will share with you a lot of
advice and tips and strategies to help you get back together with your ex by doing some
of the things we've talked about today, like working on the connection, a clearing the
past, all of that good stuff, right?
So please go ahead and sign up over there if that's something you'd like help with.
And also please subscribe to the channel and like this video then help us out by clicking
the like button.
But again, this has been Clay with relationshipinnergame.com.
And I'll talk to you again next time.