Man City v Man United combined Xi - sponsored by onefootball
What happened to your face?
I got smashed by the Czech Republic goalkeeper.
Poor you.
You’re going to get smashed on Sunday too.
Cheeky B*******.
What happened to your face?
What?
You make Luke Chadwick look like David Beckham.
Goalkeeper I think we should go with steady Eddy.
Especially as Man United’s best goalie is on loan at Nottingham Forest
I have been reading on Twitter, from a very knowledgeable fan called Mark Goldbridge,
that David De Gea is in fact amazing and would get into any team in the world.
David de Howler?
I’d rather have Cal the Dragon.
Who?
He’s a TikToker who let in 8 goals against the Sidemen.
He normally plays in his garden against gnomes, wheelie bins and plant pots.
You’re a plant pot.
Ederson has the worst save % in the whole Premier League since April.
And he’s going to have a zero point save % save rate against me on Sunday!
True.
Coz you’ll be on the bench.
WHAAAAT?!
442oons verdict Ederson
Left back
Luke Shaw scored for England, so let’s go with him
Over Cancelo?
Did that Czech goalie give you brain damage?
Watch your mouth!
Or I’ll get my sister to make mean social media posts about you!
Cancelo is the complete left-back, and he isn't even a left back.
Come to think of it, I’m not sure Luke Shaw is a left back either.
And did you not see Cancelo’s trivela assist for me?
Imagine how many goals he’d set-up for you… if you weren’t on the bench
That does it!
I’m texting my sister…
and fyi, he hasn’t assisted me for Portugal since March 21!
442oons verdict, Joao Cancelo Wait!
What about Malaci- Centre Backs
Ruben Dias?
A fine Portuguese specimen, the same criteria that will see me selected, he’s in.
Who else?
Laporte Injured
Stones Injured
Ake May as well be injured
Akanji Bless you.
Haha - see what I did there?
I did yes.
Then why aren’t you laughing?
Because I haven’t laughed since 2009.
Fair enough.
Let’s pick Lisandro Martinez The only thing he’s getting picked for is
a part in Disney’s new Snow White movie.
Well if it’s size you want, then may I embarrassingly suggest Harold Maguire.
And risk him headbutting me on a corner, or kicking me in the head on a warmup, and ending
up with a nose that’s even worse than yours?
No thanks.
Good point, then Rafa Varane it is.
It would be good to have someone in the team who has actually won a CL right?
Oh, you wait and see.
42oons verdict Dias and Varane Siu!
Right back I think Diogo Dalot has Freaky Friday’d
with Trent Alexander Arnold - he even scored twice for Portugal!
Dalot is in!
Over Kyle Walker, I don’t think so…
Kyle Walker?
The last time he scored twice in 90 minutes was the Covid Lock down.
Plus, he’s not Portuguese so I can’t guarantee he will pass me the ball.
442oons verdict Kyle Walker Oh my days…
Midfielders Kevin De Bruyne, Rodri and Bernado Silva
Bastardo is in, he always passes to me for Portugal
I presume you want to suggest Bruno then too?
Absolutely not, he plays like prime Djemba-Djemba when I’m around and there is no way I’m
not picking myself.
Narcissist I don’t know who Narce is, but if he assists,
he’s in Nevermind.
So Kevin, Rodri and Bernado?
I better suggest my teammate Casemiro.
After all I duped him into joining United by telling him we’d win the league
Gasp, my first laugh since 2009!
Plant pot didn’t realise I meant the Europa League
The Europa League, what’s that?
442oons verdict Rodri, De Bryune and McTominay HA!
I mean Bastardo Silva Forwards
Me, you, and one other I used to play with Sancho and he was fire
No way - he can’t even get in the England team and they’re worse than Juve
We best pick Phil Foden or his mum might kick the shit out of us.
How about we go for somebody who’s totally gash to make us look even better?
Narcissist I thought he was a midfielder.
Nevermind.
I was thinking more along the lines of Marcus Trashford, or the 100 million pounds of hair
do and vibes that is Jack Grealish No, stick with Sancho.
Let’s leave picking someone shit on purpose for clicks and engagement to those big football
accounts on Twitter.
Fine.
And bagsee penalties What?!
You can’t just bagsee penalties!!!
Well I just did.
I want to break the all time Premier League scoring record ASAP
What?
And the Champions League one too WHAT?!
Then you leave me no choice!!!
Take that you BEEP 442oons verdict Foden, Sancho and the one
legged Haaland Siu!
What?!!!
One legged Haaland - ahead of me?!
Time to get my sister to make some mean social media posts about you!
44twats!
Let me know your combined XI in the comments!
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