FIRST I'M CERTAIN THE BAND DON'T KNOW THIS, IT IS A
MILESTONE, WE'VE GOT A MILESTONE TO MENTION, THIS, TONIGHT, RIGHT
HERE, YOU, YOU CAN SAY YOU WERE THERE THIS, YOU WON'T BELIEVE
IT, IT IS OUR 900th SHOW.
900th SHOW!
WHAT ABOUT THAT, HONESTLY YOU COULD HAVE TOLL ME ANY NUMBER
BETWEEN 500 AND 6,000, I WOULD HAVE BELIEVED YOU 8900 SHOW,
ISN'T THAT AMAZING WE LASTED THIS LONG.
WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT SOME OF THE STUFF WE'VE DONE
I'M STILL HAUNTED EVERY DAY BY THE FACT THAT WE ONCE PLAYED A
GAME CALLED "ARE YOU SMARTER THAN A WHOOPI GOLDBERG
IMPERSONATOR?" REMEMBER THAT, REGGIE?
DO REMEMBER WHEN WE PLAYED THAT GAME.
>> Reggie: I REMEMBER THAT VERY WELL.
>> James: WE PLAYED IT ONCE WITH CHRISTIAN SLATER.
(LAUGHTER).
>> James: IF THERE WAS ANYWAY TO MAKE THAT GAME WORSE
CHRISTIAN SLATER WAS LOOKING AT ME DURING THE GAME LIKE, WHY AM
I DOING THIS?
AND I GO TO HIM AFTER HE FOES SORRY ABOUT THAT, MAN.
HE WAS LIKE THAT WAS SUPERWEIRD, DUDE.
IAN YOU ARE ONE OF THE HEAD WRITERS ON THE SHOW, SINCE DAY
ONE, YOU STARTED HERE IN THE BUILDING BEFORE I DID.
WHICH BIT HAVE YOU BEEN PITCHED THAT YOU ARE MOST AMAZED MAY IT
TO AIR?
I MEAN MUSICAL CHAIRS.
>> James: BUT I WHAT SAY MUSICAL SHARES WAS RESCUED WHEN
WE DID IT THE SECOND TIME WITH CHER.
>> THAT WAS A HUGE UPGRADE.
TECHNICALLY I PITCHED MUSICAL CHERS, I HAD IT TO FILL OUT THE
PAGE.
>> James: YES.
>> I HAD LIKE EIGHT IDEAS WHERE I'M LAKE THESE WILL BE GOOD AND
THEN MUSICAL CHERS AT THE BOTTOM WHERE IT, IT SOUNDS LIKE CHAIRS.
AND WE DID IT ON THE SHOW.
>> James: WE DID IT ON THE SHOW.
FIRST TIME WE DID IT WITH-- DRESSED AS CHER.
SO THERE IS THAT, 900 SHOWS, DO YOU KNOW WHAT WE'RE DOING TO
CELEBRATE OUR 9th SHOW TONIGHT.
>> WHAT.
>> James: THIS, ME, TELLING YOU, THAT IS IT, THAT IS THE
CELEBRATION BUT DO YOU KNOW WHO IS BACK FOR OUR 9th
D-- 900th SHOW, WE WERE GOING TO DO A WHOLE THING, GWEN
STEFANI WAS GOING TO SING A SONG, LIKE 900 SHOWS, THAT IS
BANANAS, WE HAD A WHOLE THING.
AND THEN WE THOUGHT NO, WE DON'T NEED TO DO THAT, DO YOU KNOW
WHY?
YOU KNOW WHO IS SET ON CAMERA 3, OF COURSE IS HE, GEORGE IS BACK
IN THE HOUSE.
THERE HE IS.
GEORGE, HOW ARE YOU?
>> OKAY.
(LAUGHTER).
>> James: MISSED YOU, GEORGE.
>> MISSED YOU TOO.
>> James: WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS WEEKEND?
WANT A HAND.
>> SURE.
>> James: COOL, IF SOMEONE HAD TOLD YOU A YEAR AGO THAT YOU
WOULD BE HERE ON CAMERA 3, 900th SHOW, WHAT WOULD YOU
HAVE SAID TO YOUR 12 YEAR OLD SELF.
>> THE TIME.
>> James: YEAH.
THAT IS THE BEAUTY OF IT.
HAVE YOU BEEN VACCINATED, GEORGE?
>> ALMOST.
>> James: WHICH ONE DID YOU GO FOR.
>> DON'T KNOW YET, BIG CHOICE.
>> James: BIG CHOICE, BIG CHOICE, ALL RIGHT, YOU RIGHT
THERE.
AS SOON AS YOU AND ME ARE VACCINATED, WE ARE GOING TO DO
THELMA AND LOUISE, I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE GOING, WE'RE JUST
GOING TO DRIVE.
>> OKAY.
(LAUGHTER).
>> James: WE LOVE THAT YOU ARE HERE, GEORGE.
NOT ONLY THAT, GUESS WHO ELSE IS BACK IN THE STUDIO.
FRESH FROM HIS TRIP, BACK FROM O.J. AI WITH PATTY LUPONE.
WE HAVE TO TALK ABOUT THIS, DAVE, BECAUSE ALL OF THE YOUTUBE
COMMENTS IN THE MONO HAVE ALL BEEN SAYING WHERE'S DAVE.
WHAT HAS BEEN HAPPENING WITH PATTY LUPONE.
>> WHAT HAPPENS IN O.J. AI SAY STAYS IN O.J. AI.
>> James: HAVE YOU HAD ANY MORE COSPONS WITH PATTI.
>> NOT SINCE I GOT BACK SCWZ WELL, WE MISSED YOU, WE DID.
>> I'M HAPPY TO BE BACK.
>> James: WE'RE THRILLED YOU ARE HERE, ARE YOU DOING A DANCE
BEFORE THE SHOW.
>> LOUIS ASKED ME TO DO A SILLY LITTLE DANCE BEFORE THE SHOW
STARTED AND I WENT FOR IT.
>> James: YOU DID.
IS THAT THE SORT OF DANCING YOU AND PATTI LUPONE GET UP TO.
>> A GENTLEMAN NEVER TELLS.
>> James: YOU ARE SMOOTH WITH THE ANSWERS TONIGHT.
>> I HAD A FEELING THIS LINE OF QUESTIONING WAS COMING.
>> James: RIGHT.
WHY DID YOU WANT DAVE TO DO A SILLY LITTLE DANCE.
>> WHY NOT.
>> James: YOU ARE RIGHT, WHY NOT, YEAH.
>> WHY DON'T YOU DO A SILLY LITTLE DANCE.
>> James: SURE.
(LAUGHTER).
>> James: DO YOU MEAN A SILLY LITTLE 900 DANCE.
>> YEAH.
>> James: I WILL DO A SILLY 900 DANCE, IF YOU HAVE A SILLY
900.
NO MUSIC, JUST A DANCE WITH NO MUSIC.
>> YEAH.
>> James: THAT IS A SILLY LITTLE DANCE.
HAVE YOU GOT A SILLY LITTLE DANCE.
>> SURE, YEAH, YEAH.
>> James: THAT IS ACTUALLY YOUR BEST DANCE MOVE.
>> IT IS, YEAH.
ME AND GEORGE ON OUR WEDDING ANNIVERSARY WE THOUGHT WE WOULD
SIT AND WATCH THE VIDEO FROM OUR WEDDING, WE HAD NEVER WATCHED IT
SINCE WE GOT MARRIED.
IT IS FULL OF-- WHO I'M CERTAIN WAS DRUNK AND THE ENTIRE VIDEO
IS LOUIS FINDING THE CAMERA ON A DANCE FLOOR DOING THIS.
AND THEN, AND THEN, AND THEN IT WILL GO OFF SOMEWHERE ELSE IN
THE WEDDING, AND IT WILL BE LIKE FILMING YOU KNOW, OUR PARENTS
SORT OF HAVING A LITTLE BOOGIE, WHO COMES AROUND THE CORNER.
AND SO THAT'S IT.
WE'RE ALL CAUGHT UP, 900 SHOWS.
ARE YOU JUST WAITING FOR A CAN OF WATER.
>> JUST WAITING FOR THAT RIGHT MOMENT.
>> James: WHO HAS BEEN HERE SINCE DAY ONE?
SHOW OF HANDS WHO HAS BEEN HERE SINCE DAY ONE.
LOOK AT US.
PETE, WERE YOU NOT HERE DAY ONE?
>> I CAME IN ON 13.
>> James: CAME IN ON 13.
>> James: THE NETWORK, SOMETHING HAS GOT TOKING CHA.
WE CALLED GEORGE, HE WASN'T THAT CHATTY.
HE CAME DOWN.
CAME IN, LUCKY 13, THAT IS WHAT I CALL YOU.
>> LET ME LOOK AT THAT, SHOT.
>> CHINS UP, BABY.
>> James: YEAH.
>> I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT CHIN THINS UP BABY MEANS BUT I LOVE
IT.
SO THAT IS IT.
900 SHOWS, AND BLESS YOU ALL.
BLESS EVERY ONE OF YOU, BUT DO YOU KNOW WHAT WILL MAKE THIS 900
SHOW SPECIAL?
NO, NOT THAT.
(LAUGHTER) NO, WHAT IS GOING TO MAKE THE
900th SHOW SPECIAL IS IF WE GIVE AMERICA WHAT THEY REALLY
WANT.
WE GIVE THEM WHAT THEY COME FOR.
WHAT DO THEY COME FOR, JOEL.
>> NEWS.
>> James: YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.
WE'RE AMERICA'S MOUTH PIECE.
>> YEAH, EXACTLY.
>> James: WE SAY WHAT AMERICA IS THINKING.
>> YEP.
>> James: CAN WE MAKE THAT A HASHTAG?
>> ON IT.
>> James: WHAT ABOUT, WHAT DO YOU LIKE, IT'S NOT YOUS, IT'S
THE NEWS.
>> YEAH.
>> HE DOESN'T LIKE IT.
>> James: BRILLIANT.
YOU KNOW WHO I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE DINNER WITH, YOU AND
GEORGE.
(LAUGHTER) IS THAT A THING?
YEAH, CAN WE DO THAT?
SURE.
DO YOU WANT A DRINK, GEORGE.
>> YEAH.
>> James: WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO ORDER.
STEAK.
-- TO THE TABLE.
>> NO.
>> James: THIS IS IT, GUYS.
DO YOU KNOW SOMETIMES I WISH, I WISH WE COULD HAVE THE
EXPERIENCE AND OF NOT BEING HERE, BUT BEING IN EVERY LIVING
ROOM IN AMERICA RIGHT NOW Z, DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, THINK
ABUT THAT, WHAT WE'RE DOING.
EVERY SINGLE LIVING ROOM IN AMERICA RIGHT NOW IS GOING SHHH,
SLHH, THEY'RE DOING THE NEWS.
ALREADY, I THOUGHT HE WOULD DO MORE JUST BANTER WITH THE CREW.
NO, HE'S GETTING INTO THE NEWS NOW.
>> SIX YEAR OLD KIDS IN THEIR JAMES CORDEN DOING THE NEWS
PAJAMAS RUBBING THEIR EYES AT 12:37.
>> GRANDMA, GRABBED MA, GRANDMA, GRANDMA, GRANDMA.
GRANDMA.
>> WHAT IS IT, DEAR?
>> 12:42.
>> THAN IT MUST BE TIME FOR THE NEWS.
>> James: BANG, TV ON.
>> BIG OLD BAR FIGHT IN FLORIDA, DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, PEOPLE
THROWING PUNCHES, CHAIRS GETTING BROKEN, GLASSES, THE BARTENDER,
SHOTGUN.
HEY!
TIME FOR THE NEWS.
>> James: AND THEY HEAR THIS, DO IT AGAIN.
HEY!
TIME FOR THE NEWS.
>> James: GOOD EVENING.
THERE WAS A BIG BLOW TO -- PEOPLE SAY TO ME, THEY COME
UP IN THE STREET AND THEY SAY-- THEY COME UP AND THEY SAY
HOW DO YOU COPE WITH THE PRESSURE.
CARRYING THE NATION'S NEWS ON YOUR SHOULDERS.
AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT I SAY, HONESTLY, HONESTLY, I JUST LOOK
THEM IN THE EYE AND I SAY THINS UP, BABY.
(APPLAUSE) THERE WAS A BIG BLOW TO
PRESIDENT BIDEN'S AGENDA TODAY.
DEMOCRATIC SENATOR JOE MANCHIN FROM WEST VIRGINIA CAME OUT
FIRMLY AGAINST ANY VOTE TO ELIMINATE OR WEAKEN THE
FILIBUSTER-- AND WITH A 50/50 SENATE, IT MEANS REPUBLICANS
WILL BE ABLE TO BLOCK KEY LEGISLATION.
EVERY DAY I LEARN SOMETHING NEW BLT AMERICAN POLICE KAL SYSTEM.
TODAY I LEARNED THAT THE MOST POWERFUL MAN IN AMERICAN
POLITICS RIGHT NOW IS SOMEONE I HAVE NEVER HEARD OF FROM A STATE
I'M NOT ENTIRELY SURE EVEN EXISTS.
I DIDN'T EVEN-- HONESTLY I DIDN'T KNOW THAT JOE MANCHIN WAS
A REAL PERNTION I JUST THOUGHT IT WAS A TERM JOE BIDEN USED TO
DESCRIBE RCH PEOPLE LIKE WHOA, LOOK AT JOE MANSION OVER HERE,
EXCUSE ME.
AND, DID YOU GUYS SEE THIS?
RUDY GIULIANI'S SON, ANDREW, IS THINKING ABOUT RUNNING FOR
GOVERNOR OF NEW YORK.
YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY.
YOU GOT TO STRIKE WHILE THE IRON'S INSANE.
NO OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENT HAS BEEN MADE.
THAT WILL COME AS SOON AS RUDY FINDS A SUITABLE LANDSCAPING
SHOP FOR THE PRESS CONFERENCE.
FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO AREN'T FAMILIAR, THIS IS ANDREW
GIULIANI, HERE.
NOW, HERE'S MY QUESTION.
IS THAT RUDY GIULIANI'S SON, OR IS ERIC TRUMP JUST HAVING AN
ALLERGIC REACTION TO SHELLFISH?
>> Reggie: OH WOW, WOW AND, HERE'S SOME INTERESTING
NEWS FROM THE PANDEMIC FRONT.
SCIENTISTS HAVE DISCOVERED THAT THERE IS AN EXISTING DRUG THAT
COULD HELP TREAT COVID, AND IT'S AN EXISTING PILL USED TO TREAT
TOENAIL FUNGUS.
THEY DON'T CALL IT A PEDI-CURE FOR NOTHING.
WHAT WAS THAT?
>> I WAS TRYING TO PUNCTUATE YOUR JOKE.
>> James: WHAT WAS THE NOISE?
>> IT WAS A-- I DON'T KNOW-- .
>> James: DO THE NOISE.
(LAUGHTER) >> IT SOUNDS LIKE ZACK MORRIS
JUST REALIZED HE HAS-- TONIGHT.
>> IS THAT SAVED BY THE BELL?
DO IT AGAIN.
>> YEAH YEAH.
(LAUGHTER) LET'S TRAY IT AGAIN.
THEY DON'T CALL IT A PEDI-CURE FOR NOTHING.
IT'S AN AMAZING DISCOVERY.
ALTHOUGH FOR SOME REASON, THE TOENAIL INFECTION SCIENTIST IS
CHOOSING TO REMAIN ANONYMOUS.
THIS IS GREAT FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE INSECURE ABOUT THEIR TOENAIL
INFECTIONS.
NOW, IF SOMEONE GIVES YOU A FUNNY LOOK WHEN YOU'RE TAKING
THIS MEDICATION, YOU CAN SAY, "OH, DON'T WORRY!
MY TOENAILS ARE FINE, I JUST HAVE COVID!"
TOENAIL INFECTION, REGGIE.
BET YOU'RE GLAD YOU'RE NOT EATING A SALAD RIGHT NOW.
>> STILL GOT A STRING ON SO.
>> James: STILL GOT A STRING.
>> IT HURT MORE THAN A THOUGHT.
>> I KNOW.
>> James: CUZ I BRUISE LIKE A PEACH.
I DO.
YOU KNOW THAT.
YOU KNOW I DO.
IT IS A REAL WORRY.
ON THE 900th SHOW.
AND, WE WANTED TO SHOW YOU THIS.
A TEXAS WOMAN WHO HOLDS THE RECORD FOR THE WORLD'S LONGEST
FINGERNAILS HAS JUST CLIPPED THEM FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 30
YEARS.
HERE SHE WAS BEFORE THE CLIPPING.
LOOK AT THAT THE NAILS WERE ALMOST 289 INCHES
LONG.
YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK HAPPENED?
SHE FINALLY GOT AN iPHONE.
SHE SCRU GOT AN IPHONE, #R SHE CLIPPED THE LONGEST
FINGERNAILS IN THE WORLD.
EVEN WORSE, SHE DID IT ON THE SUBWAY.
WHEN ASKED WHAT THE BIGGEST ADJUSTMENT HAS BEEN SINCE
CUTTING HER RECORD-BREAKING FINGERNAILS, THE WOMAN REPLIED,
"HAVING TO DEVELOP A PERSONALITY."
REGGIE, YOU HAVE A LONG NAIL.
WOULD YOU EVER CONSIDER GROWING THEM OUT 300 INCHES LONG?
>> YOU KNOW I WOULD EXCEPT WHEN YOU GRE YOUR NAILS REALLY LONG
IT GIVES YOU ARTHRITIS BECAUSE YOU DON'T USE YOUR FINGER
PROPERLY.
SO THAT IS THE ISSUE, SO I WOON DO THAT.
I LIKE MY HANDS A LOT.
>> James: 300 INCHES.
>> 289 INCHES.
STEVE, I'LL BET YOU 10,000 DOLLARS.
>> NO AND NO.
AND FINALLY, I DON'T KNOW IF YOU ALL SAW THIS, BUT FORMER
VICE PRESIDENT MIKE PENCE HAS SIGNED A TWO-BOOK DEAL WITH
SIMON AND SCHUSTER THAT'S WORTH UP TO $4 MILLION.
"PLAIN WHITE SQUARE" IS BOTH THE DESIGN AND THE TITLE OF THE
BOOK.
TWO BOOKS?
HOW DOES MIKE PENCE HAVE ENOUGH MATERIAL TO WRITE TWO BOOKS,
WHEN I CAN SUMMARIZE HIS ENTIRE LIFE IN TWO SENTENCES?
ONE, HE WAS VICE PRESIDENT.
AND TWO, A FLY LANDED ON HIS HEAD.
THAT'S IT, THAT IS ALL THERE IS THE FIRST BOOK IS A PRETTY
STRAIGHT-FORWARD MEMOIR.
BUT I WAS SURPRISED-- THE SECOND ONE IS ACTUALLY A STEAMY ROMANCE
NOVEL, CALLED "PRESIDENTIAL VICES."