You may remember that during the presidential campaign
Donald Trump had a number of ambitious goals--
like bringing back coal jobs
and launching Hillary at the moon.
But... perhaps his most grandiose goal was this.
If you're a deal person, right, the ultimate deal is that deal.
Israel, Palestine-- if you're gonna make it,
that probably is the hardest deal there is to make.
If I'm gonna be president, I'd rather be in a position,
'cause I will try the best I can,
and I'm a very good deal maker, believe me,
to try and solve that puzzle-- you're not gonna solve it
if you're gonna be on one side or another.
Everyone understands that.
Now... first of all, first of all,
props to Trump for thinking that the ultimate deal
is peace in the Middle East
and not the number four at McDonald's.
That's a step up. I like that.
And also, I'm impressed at how confident he was.
I bet in his head he was just thinking,
"All I got to do is have Michael Cohen
"pay the Palestinians $130,000 and then poof, problem solved.
No problem, folks.
And to be honest, this is one of those issues
where part of me was willing to give Trump a chance.
I mean, Israel and Palestine have been fighting
for 70 years, right?
In my head, I was like: What's the worst thing Trump could do?
Well, today he answered that question.
NEWSWOMAN: The Trump administration
upending decades of established American policy,
officially moving the U.S. embassy in Israel
from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem.
That added fuel to the fire
of weeks of Palestinian protests.
Along the Gaza border, more than 50 Palestinians killed
by the Israeli military, more than 2,000 injured.
Now, I don't care who you are, I think we can all agree
this was a horrible loss of life
that, sadly, anyone could have predicted.
The Israelis and the Palestinians
both claim Jerusalem as their capital,
so America moving its embassy to Jerusalem,
before even holding peace talks,
was bound to be a provocative move.
And there was a moment where Trump considered not doing it--
but not out of concern for the human cost.
He said, "Sir, we're building an embassy,
in Jerusalem, sir."
I said, "How much?"
Something other presidents don't ask, but that's okay.
They said-- I kid you not--
they said, "Sir, $1 billion."
I said, "A billion?"
You know what a billion dollars is?
So I called David... I stopped signing, by the way.
I had "Donald."
D-O-N-A-L-D, and then it was, like, dead.
Bah!
And then...
all of a sudden, I stop, never got to the "T."
And I started putting X's, 'cause I was afraid
that somebody could say it was my signature.
(laughter)
I love... I love that Trump tried X'ing out his signature
like he was voiding a check.
As if somebody was going to take the executive order
out of the White House trash and fill out the rest of his name.
Like some kid is gonna use it as his fake I.D.
Just like, "Sorry, buddy, you got to be 21."
(child's voice): "That's no way to talk
to the president of the United States."
"I'm so sorry, Mr. President. I didn't see your signature.
Right this way."
So Trump was against it, but then once the president
figured out a low-cost way to destabilize the Middle East,
he went ahead and moved the embassy.
And as angry as the Palestinians are,
to many Israelis, Trump is a hero.
NEWSWOMAN: The Israeli people also celebrating
the occasion-- pro-Trump signs, a signal of President Trump's
growing popularity in the country.
NEWSMAN: The mayor of Jerusalem has put up an image
of the old wall, and it actually shows
an animated U.S. flag and Israeli flag.
NEWSWOMAN: The large soccer club is changing its name
to honor the president-- the Beitar Jerusalem football club
will now be known as Beitar Trump Jerusalem.
That's right. Trump has gotten so popular
that they're naming
an Israeli soccer team after him,
which is perfect.
Because a lot of people don't know this,
but that team only won their league
because James Comey stepped in
and tripped a player on the opposing team.
(laughter and applause)
Yeah.
Everyone was confused.
They were like, "What is James Comey doing here?"
They're like, "I don't know. Trevor needed him for the joke."
And here's the thing.
If Trump wants to take Israel's side,
that's his prerogative.
But at least be honest about it, right,
instead of stoking the flames
at the same time you're saying this.
Our greatest hope is for peace.
The United States remains fully committed
to facilitating a lasting peace agreement.
If you're Palestinian, you probably think
that statement is absolute bullshit,
and I can understand why.
Because essentially,
although America says it's the referee,
it's basically just shown up to game two in a Cavs jersey.
It's like, "Yeah, I'm gonna be totally fair.
Right, LeBron? Wink, wink."