When you really love somebody,
you find yourself pensively looking at them and
trying to just take in that one moment.
What made me so lucky to have this meaningful relationship?
Every day I come back, they welcome me.
It's such a privilege, an honour.
And it just fills me with love.
When I was younger, I considered myself a bit of a Superman.
Physically I was able to do things
without really thinking too much about them.
A lot of things have happened in the last 6 or 7 years
that have shook my reality.
I had a injury on my right ankle
and it perpetuated almost like an avalanche,
a series of injuries.
I've come to realise that I really did find identity
in my physical ability.
And when that's taken away, then who are you?
In a way you sort of don't recognise yourself
because you've always been one way.
But now there's a bit of a numbness.
That was very hard.
Sometimes with certain individuals
crises trigger a feeling of, I should reach out.
But sometimes, especially with me initially,
that situation actually makes you not reach out.
I didn't want people close to me to worry,
and I would think that I can handle it.
I've always been able to bounce back.
I found myself really isolating myself.
And sometimes it's not necessarily that
physically you don't see me all the time.
It's just that I'm not as open and accessible.
It's very hard because that's sort of the tipping point...
where your hope is almost like a vapour, it's fizzling away.
Where you always had it, there was always a shadow of hope.
And one day you look and you're confused
because it's not there.
I don't particularly remember when
but I started to go to the ocean
and just put my foot in the cold water.
Immediately it felt really great in terms of pain relief.
And at this time I couldn't swim.
As a child, I had a traumatic experience
where I nearly drowned.
But every time I would be in, I felt better.
Slowly but surely, I built this affinity with the ocean.
Every day you saw her, she looked even more welcoming.
Just a smile on her face...
And so I got very comfortable
and I would go in further and further.
And one day, subconsciously, it just happened,
I realised that I was treading water.
And on that day I remember I floated on my back.
And all the tension is just absorbed.
There was this whole new world
where I had freedom, because there was no impact.
I was being released,
and given this amazing opportunity
by something that was supposed to be
perilous and dangerous.
That's when the floodgates opened.
I saw beauty under the kelp forest.
The way the water danced.
There's this moment of silence where
it feels like all your troubles are gone...
just for that moment.
It's really special
At a time where I couldn't necessarily share everything,
I shared with the ocean... the ocean understood.
And I also believe it played a big part
in me being able to open up fully.
I needed to realise that
I don't give enough of myself.
And I didn't think that was an issue.
But if you never put your cards on the table
then we will be stuck.
It doesn't matter how intuitive your friend is
or your family member is,
you have to give them something to get some as well.
Then they can really walk with you on this new journey.
There were these people who were just steadfast
and always looked out for me in subtle ways
which showed that they understood who I was.
It's such a beautiful thing when you realise that they're there.
It's like you're walking in a dark room
but your eyes adjust and all of a sudden there are lights.
You realise that you were not alone.
We are not Atlas.
We can't carry all that stuff.
That's a great realisation to have.
I am not Superman, and it's fine.
It actually makes it more beautiful that I'm not.
The way I am right now
is the way it was meant to be, and I'm at peace with that.
Quintessentially I'm the same person
but I have learnt and experienced a lot.
My physicality wasn't the only thing necessarily
that should be who I am.
There's different things about me which make me, me.
I spoke about identity in the beginning...
maybe this was part of my identity too...
being that guy who swims in his yellow trunks
in the cold water.
I have found acceptance
and freedom...
allowing me to be myself.
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