Ahhhh,
Kimmy, did you see Game of Thrones this week?
- Is the pile driver the most dangerous move in wrestling?
[THEME MUSIC]
- First of all, we had this Sisterhood
of the Traveling Pelts.
They were trying to bury their hatchets in some White Walkers
but first they had to bury the hatchet with each other.
- You sold me to a witch.
- Your father wanted to execute me, you know?
- This one's been killed six times,
you don't hear him bitching about it.
- And then after that, Surly Spice
clocks what is on every power bottom's brain:
- Dick,
I like it.
- And then Topknot finds out that it
must be bear night at the bar when he gets "The Revenanted."
[SCREAMING]
- I love how many people they added to Moulin Rouge
this week, just so they could kill them off.
[CHIME DING]
[SCREAMING]
[CHIME DING]
- And then that dang Earl Grey is rockin' his chef's hat,
because he is stirring the pot.
- Perhaps Lady Brienne could help.
And if one of you were planning to harm the other in any way,
wouldn't she be honor bound to intercede?
- Earl Grey is like herpes,
once he's in your life you forget
about him until he flares up.
- But unlike herpes you should be ashamed to have
Earl Grey in your life.
- Herpes is a very common STD.
- Jonathan, did you know that nearly 70% of the world
has herpes?
- Kimmy, I did know that.
And now,
I hope you know that too.
[PSA THEME]
- Back at Cool Runnings,
Sisterhood of the Traveling Pelts invited Iggy Popsicle
to their little road trip.
Only to find out that he's invited all his friends.
- So they skedaddle back to Pride Rock
and they're all up on the Circle of
Not Life.
- It is hakuna-ma-fucked-up.
So then, bored as fuck, Dog the Bounty Hunty
learns that people who live in no houses
shouldn't throw stones.
- Fuck.
- And then that White twerker, Nancy Scare-igan,
she takes the ice.
She does four pin wheel turns into a flying Hamill camel,
steps out into a triple axle triple salchow
combination, single foots the landing to the gods, hunty!
- Then there's this very suspenseful sequence
when millions of bloodthirsty zombies
attack them one at a time.
- Just when you think it's the last time we're ever gonna see
Jon Snow's gorgeous sit-on-able face,
Christina Aguilera and her dragons make everyone
some delicious creme Zombe.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
- But while Jon Snow is showing her what his little hands could do,
approachable Karl Lagerfeld announces,
"Ice spears are in."
[DRAGON GOING DOWN]
It was full TLC Behind the Music when
T-Boz and Chilli lost Left Eye.
And then at the end, Jon Snow wakes up to a sad AILF,
Aunt I'd Like To Fuck.
- And he's thinking, oh girl I'm gonna put a dragon in ya.
- And she's thinking,
is that a Valyrian sword under your furs
or you just happy to see me?
- And then at the end you think they're going to leave us with
this cute little sweet baby love scene,
until those White Twerkers are truckin' that damned dragon
out of there for their upside down
Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.
- Left Eye might be down, but she's not out.
[SOUND OF HAIR SPRAY]
Honey, she's giving me Cersei realness!
I'm ready to fuck my brother!
Where are--
My dragons?
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[FUNNY OR DIE THEME]
[REVRY THEME]