hi my name is Eddie Valk and I worked at The Late Show from 2000 until 2015.
I started off as an intern in the production Department I did cue cards and then I was
a stage manager towards the end of the show when I was a stage manager out on the floor
with Dave Don Rickles was a guest and for some reason I must have distracted Don and
he made a comment to me and I didn't know how awesome it was to be Razz by him at the
time but it's a special moment now to say that you know Don Rickles gave me a little
bit of crap we always had a good time but I had a thing with him it was just I'm talking
to you in case you move up to over here anyway uh what the hell is your job you go bad when
you stand there what happened kid's standing there put a stick on his desk you got a lollipop
it's Eddie don't worry Eddie you're fine one of the first times I was on the show Spider-Man
had just been re-released the Toby Maguire Spider-Man it was a huge deal and we did a
whole week of Spider-Man bits can a guy dressed as Spider-Man hail a taxi so I went on to
the street dressed as Spider-Man and I had to try to hail a taxi cab down so I'm jumping
around on the floor doing all these moves and in the commercial break one of the stage
managers says we need you to be more Spider-Man and less monkey
well now there [Music] I have something [Music] yeah that's what you wanted for God's sakes
let's why couldn't we have that
looks like some kind of ape or something and then the next day it was can a guy not dress
this Spider-Man hail a taxi so I was out on the street on Broadway doing all these crazy
monkey Spider-Man moves Tony Hawk was on at the time too so for another segment Dave was
like why don't you go be Spider-Man on Tony Hawk's Ram [Applause] thank you okay all right
that's enough questions [Applause] what do you think Paul is that anything that's nothing
absolutely not I was can a guy dressed as Nightcrawler hella cab I was dressed in a
horse costume and that one was special because it progressed to Dave feeding me lines through
an ifb and it was just one of the coolest memories that I have because this is Dave
Letterman feeding you lines to say to people on the streets of Broadway you ever spent
any time talking to a horse do you ever spend any time talking divorce not much okay hit
the road all right hit the road
next we got a horses I'm sorry ma'am you can't stand there sorry ma'am you're not allowed
to stand there uh you're not allowed it's a law it's the law they are believations Mayor
Bloomberg Mayor Bloomberg get out get out or I'm gonna have to write you up get out
also gonna have to write you up thank you all right thanks thanks a lot
one of the remotes that we did was top 10 things you don't want to hear from a guy dressed
as blank there would be a van and there was a hidden camera inside of the van and the
writer in the van giving me the lines to say to the people number four hey did you call
me Kermit son of a [ __ ]
number three migraine skin doesn't look half as bad as your hair piece thank you very much
it's the halt number two Frankenstein had a fling with my mom in the mid 70s and the
number one thing you don't want to hear from a guy dressed as the Hulk here we go buddy
do me a favor do you see the Jolly Green Giant tell him if it goes near my wife again I'm
gonna shove a can of corn niblets up his ass early on I would often be in skits and the
thing about being in this skit was it was so nerve-wracking but at the same time so
unbelievably cool to be in the sketch and so I got to be in a cold open once with Dave
Dave kind of went off and ad-libbed a line and I totally flubbed it and just laughed
hysterically in his face and ruined it you know Paris Hilton's on the show tonight how
do I look like a guy with no shot you say that one more time I'll kill you one of the
other early on things I did was we were in ruberts and we were supposed to be eating
some kind of new taco shell that was either recalled for E coli or some kind of bacteria
all right anytime unwrap it and see what happens there's Ed from Rockaway gonna be eating the
Taco Bell chalupa unwrapping it it looks delicious wonderful ingredients
yeah good feel all right everything good yeah I feel fine it's actually not that bad eat
as much as you like it'd be my guest knock yourself out all right looks pretty good doesn't
it looks great yeah
[Applause] oh my God
must have been oh oh my gosh oh you know what there are no losers would you like to try
a Taco Bell what do we have for him girls [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] we would
have on the show the Piedmont bird callers it was the day after the Piedmont bird callers
they decided to do monkey callers this was a scripted bit where we were monkey callers
I was the setup guy and we'll say right there is it seemed like an endless variety of monkeys
there's a ton of monkeys I mean there's Millions to choose from but it just kind of picked
with what works and what's more fun than a ton of monkeys am I right it's got a thing
he's in a thing and then his mouth there putting a thing yeah see I didn't know that
foreign
[Applause]
ER started doing his monkey call and then all hell broke loose [Laughter]
laughs [Applause]
are you all right
put you put some pressure put some pressure on that yeah keep some pressure on that
I'll tell you we won't be doing that again
I you can go
Rod Blagojevich was on and he was on because he was in trouble for trying to sell a senate
seat and he came out and very quickly on he expressed to Dave how excited he was to be
on the show and then Dave had my favorite line of all time it was so quick it was so
fast and so true and I just it's a Memory I always have I could just hear Dave saying
that and it makes me laugh every time
exactly are you here honest to God well you know that I've been wanting to be on your
show in the worst way for the longest well you're on in the worst way
go get around that I one time got a phone call from the director Jerry Foley it was
like a Wednesday morning he's like you know what's so beautiful this time of year Alaska
I was like huh and so myself and a segment producer went to Alaska to Sarah Palin's hometown
of Wasilla to do a top ten with 10 residents of Wasilla Alaska sometimes Sarah calls John
McCain Grandpa yeah see there right there a surprising fact number nine grasshopper
Aviation pilot Dave Glenn she stole that sexy librarian look from me I knew it I knew it
number six private music teacher Anna Hartman favorite meal moose nuggets and beaver jerky
[Laughter] so another remote that I went out for this guy built a Volkswagen and then he
put rocket engines on either the sides or the back and how fast can you go when you
turn that baby on it's it's hard to say because I just pinned the speedo at 140 miles an hour
uh laugh hysterically and then hope the cops don't nail me yeah all right maybe we could
circle around back and take a look at the jet engine that Ron put in that car okay
here we go
so you have the air screen at you have a air screen at the inlet it draws from the cabin
so I have to have both windows down in the uh sunroof open or it'll uh it'll suck me
dry yeah
High School one of the little known benefits of having a jet engine in your car I think
oh that was that was dramatic oh now he's oh my God
[Music] [Applause] [Music]
I just pray to God the big shots in Detroit are watching tonight because nothing will
put the American automobile manufacturers back on their feet faster than coming out
with a line of jet powered cars am I right to hell with those hybrid cars so another
one of the remotes I got to do a couple of times this gentleman would grow these giant
pumpkins and one time we blew it up on 53rd Street and then the idea was let's take it
to the beach on Coney Island there's so many things that you think it's not like your normal
everyday office job where it's like okay I'm gonna punch them numbers and I'm going to
get out of five o'clock it's like you're gonna wake up and they're gonna say you're gonna
go to Coney Island and blow up a pumpkin today is everybody ready
I know you folks are ready I was thinking more in terms of the people in the Blast Zone
how much stuff are we going to use how much stuff well we got a lot of stuff in there
Dave all right thank you thank you very much please don't get too technical now because
anytime you're ready take it away here goes the Big Pumpkin here we go three two one [Applause]
[Music] oh the show back from 9 11 so obviously 911 was a difficult time and a difficult time
in the entertainment business but it was especially difficult for me because at the time my dad
was an active firefighter in the New York City Fire Department working on the pile and
part of the relief efforts and so when we were back to work you know everybody was nice
enough and kind enough to say oh you know has your dad okay making sure he's okay and
it was really special to feel like Welcome to The Late Show family but when we did the
show that day no one knew what Dave was going to say I was just uh like marveled at how
he spoke from the heart and how he was so touched and thankful to the rescue workers
and for him to navigate that so beautifully and so eloquently was very very special and
it's something I'll remember always the 20 years that we've been here in New York City
we've worked closely with the police officers and and the firefighters and
and fortunately most of us don't really have to think too much about what these men and
women do on a on a daily basis and and the phrase New York's finest and New York's bravest
you know did it mean anything to us personally firsthand well maybe hopefully but probably
not but boy it means something now doesn't it they they put themselves In Harm's Way
to protect people like us and the men and women from the firefighters and the police
department who who are lost are going to be missed by this city for a very very long time
and I and my hope for for myself and everybody else not only in New York but everywhere is
that we never ever take these people for granted absolutely never take them for granted [Applause]
uh excuse me Mr Letterman oh hi hey I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday thank
you very much uh but you know my birthday's in April Oh I thought it was today you know
666 the Devil's birthday well have a good show
foreign [Music]