- I think about heart attacks and strokes
and the things that we see every day in the emergency room.
We have so many years of research
that tells us that we know we're doing
everything we can for these patients.
But with COVID, we don't know.
So you're always having this guilt in the back of your head.
Is there something we should've done?
Is there something different?
You know, what if?
And guilt is a very difficult component
with death.
- Hi, I'm Dometi Pongo, and welcome to 'The Essentials.'
As we remain alone together at home
to flatten the curve of COVID-19,
we wanted to tell the stories of the young people who can't.
The doctors, nurses, and service workers
who have put their lives at risk to save more.
Today, we'll meet Maryam Gol,
an emergency room nurse based in Sacramento,
whose care for herself, her colleagues,
and most importantly, her patients,
has never been more vital.
Take us to the day that you realized COVID-19
was real.
- So I was the charge nurse.
Ambulances call us to give us an update on when
they're arriving and what kind of patient they have.
Code 3 means that they're using
their lights and their sirens,
that they're willing to sacrifice life or limb
to just save a few minutes to get to the hospital earlier.
So I took the first call at change of shift
and it was a Code 3 for a respiratory patient
with a cough and a fever.
So we had enough resources and we prepared that.
Five minutes later, I took a second Code 3 call,
very similar complaint, I thought that was strange.
Five minutes later, I took the third call, the same way.
And now, suddenly, we didn't have resources,
because all of those patients at the exact same time
just pulls us too thin.
We triaged appropriately and we figured it out
but that was definitely the first moment
where I thought this can go very bad, very quickly.
- So much is changing.
Every other week more information
comes out about this virus.
How do you balance that?
- That's a good question.
You know, times of crisis expose
some pretty incredible things
and a lot of problems get exposed.
And we see it here today.
I mean, personal protective equipment,
if it's only coming from one place, why is that?
We're America, we're the greatest country in the world,
we should be able to produce things
to protect our front line staff.
And I think, if anything, that process
being figured out will be really important for the future.
- To that end, what do you miss most about the way
your workflow used to be in your past work,
versus what your life and job is like today?
- It's been really hard and I think
one of the hardest things about it
is this disease strips you of any comfort,
any human interaction, with everyone involved.
So with the patients, they don't get visitors,
they don't get their family members.
They get us and they don't know us and they can't see us.
Right underneath all that PPE, they can't see our smiles,
they can't feel our touch.
The things that we do to comfort patients,
we can't do anymore.
As nurses and providers, we're alone in the rooms,
because we're trying to decrease exposure to our colleagues.
So we say, "Let me go in, I'll do everything for an hour,"
you know, to try to save them.
So everyone becomes alone in the process
and so that makes it really difficult
because usually, we need people to interact with
and to feel support and comfort.
- What is it like when you see a patient
who has been quarantined and distanced from their family
but they're in their last hours of their lives?
- So, a few weeks ago, which now feels
like a few months ago because of all the changes,
we had a 20-ish female suddenly collapse
and we assumed it was probably because of the coronavirus
and we allowed the mom to come back,
but before we did, we had to draw the glass door
to keep her separated and to keep her protected.
And, we were trying to comfort her.
Knowing that her outcome was so poor and knowing
that she would never touch her daughter again,
there was not a dry eye in the room.
We were all just completely helpless.
- How do you cope with this?
- You have to figure out how to decompress
and how to take care of yourself.
Because if you don't practice self-care,
you cannot properly care for others.
So, piano in the back,
that's a great, healthy coping mechanism.
Yoga, things like that.
- There are tangible things that I imagine
the public can do to support the Maryams out there.
What would you say?
- Please be patient with medical providers.
You never know what we're dealing with.
People are so sensitive to us right now
and I really appreciate it.
But six months from now,
I want that same message to kind of be out there.
- What makes you wanna go in
and fight this battle one more day?
- We signed up to help.
At the beginning of all of our nursing oaths in medicine,
we do no harm and we're there to help.
For me it's a no-brainer.
I go in there every day and I'm ready for battle.
We're taking these lessons day by day
and we're here to help.