Boss, 老板
your two o’clock is here. 你两点约的人已经来了
Just give me a sec! 等我下
Okay, send them in. 好了 让他进来吧
Alright, mate. 你好啊
Ni hao! 你好
Uh.. 呃
Jor..
Jorg...
Jor..
Matt.
My name's Matt. 我的名字叫Matt.
I could have sworn it was Jorge. 我还认为你是Jorge
We’ve worked together for years. 我们一起工作很多年了
I feel like I’d remember that. 如果是真的我一定记得的
Laowai Bao'an? 老外保安
Laowai Park? 老外公园
WeChat Groups? 微信群聊
Fascinating! 有趣
Look, ah 听着 啊
Matt, you’ve been a valued member of our team for... Matt你一直是我们团队的重要成员已经
Three years. 3年了
Well, 那是当然
it does feel nice to be recognized for my hard work. 你能认同我的工作让我非常的高兴
There’s no easy way to say this; 要直接告诉你
you’re generating more negative YouTube comments 你比米罗·雅诺波鲁斯健慰器的广告还吸引了很多不好的评论
than a Milo Yiannopoulos Shake Weight commercial. 你比米罗·雅诺波鲁斯健慰器的广告还吸引了很多不好的评论
You’re being let go. 你被解雇了
Whoa, whoa, whoa! 喔喔喔
Who died and made you head of HR? 是谁死了 让你成为人力资源主管
Alessio.
Alessio's dead? Alessio死了吗
He made me head of HR. 他让我成为人力资源主管
Is he still alive? 他还活着吗
Well I haven’t seen him this morning 今天早上我还没见过他
but you’re missing the more important point here. 但是你找错重点了
Listen, Matt 听着 Matt
we here at Mamahuhu 对于马马虎虎来说
prioritize diversity. 多样性非常的重要
And we have our black guy quota covered. 我们已经有黑人了
Hispanic quota? 是拉丁美洲吗
I’m Scottish. 我是苏格兰人
Yeah, and I’m a 23 year old Eurasian barista. 是啊 我还是一个23岁的亚洲咖啡师呢
Matt this is serious! Matt 我是很认真的
Your career is on the line! 你的职业生涯有危险了
I really hope Alessio is okay. 我真的希望Alessio没事
You wouldn't fire me though, right? 你不会解雇我的 对吗
Afraid so. 恐怕是的
Norah!
We’re outsourcing your role to China. 我们将您的角色外包给中国
Norah here does a pitch perfect "Laowai Baoan." Norah在这里做了一个完美的 "老外保安"
Check it out. 来看看吧
Can't park here. 不能停车
Ha ha ha! 哈哈哈
Hilarious! 太搞笑了
And she can overact 她也是一个平庸的演员
and speaks... 也会说你的语言
I wanna say... 我是说
Arabic. 你应该是阿拉伯语
For the millionth time 要告诉你几万遍啊
I’m Scottish. 我是苏格兰人
Norah, what's he saying? Norah 他在说什么
Look, 你看
I know I'm a little bit racially ambiguous. 我知道表面上看有点难分辨我是哪里人
Oh my god, Stephen Curry!? 天呐 你是Stephen Curry
What are you doing in my office!? 你在我的办公室做什么
Still Matt. 再说一遍 我是Matt
Uncanny. 太不可思议了
When I took the helm at HR, 我当人力资源部头头的时候
I sacrificed the joy of getting my hands dirty 我牺牲了搬砖快乐的机会
being in the trenches, 与万死不辞伺候同志们的痛快
putting my life on the line 把我的生命放在前线
so I could serve the people. 所以我可以为人民服务
because I want to pass on the torch 因为我想传递这个火炬
and help others realize their passion. 并帮助他人实现他们的激情
We make goofy videos for the internet. 我们为互联网制作搞笑的视频
And "Head of HR?" 还有“人力资源主管？”
There is 6 of us. 我们有6个人
Five. 5个
Look, it is crushing to realize 看吧 它勉强实现
I’ve been so swept up in business affairs 我在商务上一直都是如此
that I forgot my obligation to guide you. 让我忘了我有义务来引导你
It's embarrasing to admit this, Matt. 承认这一点是令人尴尬的 Matt
But, 但是
When I came in here 当我来这里的时候
I wasn't sure which one of you is Matt. 我不确定你们哪一位是Matt
Your mustache and me 你的胡子和我
are the two most recognisable people. 是两个最容易识别的人
You know, I can see what's happened here. 你要知道 我可以看到这里发生了什么
I’ve lost my way in this corporate jungle. 我在这个公司的丛林中迷失了方向
I need to get back to basics. 我需要回到根本
Reconnect myself with my people. 重新与自己的员工建立联系
Any chance you could reconnect with someone else? 你有机会重新与别人联系吗
Maybe actual Jorge? 也许是真正的 Jorge
I think you misunderstand 我想你误解了
the gravity of the situation here, young man. 这里情况的严重性 年轻人
I was given your case to fire you. 我准备给你个事情好来解雇你
Wait. 等等
Woah, are you serious? 哇 你是认真的吗
Because that is, like... 因为那就像
Super not cool. 超级不酷
I know! 我知道
This is awful. 这实在是太糟糕了
If I don't fire you, 如果我不解雇你
I could lose my own job. 我可能会失去自己的工作
We are in a bind here, amigo. 我们被绑在一块了 朋友
There must be something we can do. 一定还有解决的办法
My hands are tied. 我的双手被捆绑住了
Look, 你看
you said yourself that this is your fault. 你说这是你自己的错
You weren't managing me. 你没有管理我
Alright, so... 好吧 所以
are you going to lose your job? 你会失去工作吗
It pains me to say this, but if I fire you properly, 我很难说这个 但如果我解雇你
I am a shoe in for a promotion. 我会得到升职
Promotion to what? 升到什么
Head of an Instagram account? Instagram帐号的负责人吗
Look, I know you've got some pull here. 你看 我知道你在这里有关系
You've got this sweet office, 你有这么漂亮的办公室
and just 而且
such a hot hot secretary. 有这么性感的秘书
Whatever it takes. 不管付出什么代价
I've got to do something 我必须做点什么
because my wife will leave me 因为要不然我的老婆会离开我
if I don't get any likes this month. 如果我没有得到任何的赞在这个月
Alright? She will leave me for another 好吧 她会离开我和另一个
d list internet celebrity 在上海
slightly recognizable in Shanghai. 互联网稍有名气的人在一块
You know, I know see a lot of myself in you, Mr Curry. 你知道吗 我确实在你身上看到很多的自己 Curry先生
Still Matt. 我是Matt
Your shoot-from-the-hip attitude, 你反应总是很快
your live every day disposition, 你每天生活都很积极
your apparent lack of personal hygiene. 但你就是缺乏个人卫生
Then it would really hurt you to see me on the streets. 那么看到我无家可归会让你感到非常伤心
It would! 当然会
So... 所以
please sir... 求你了 先生
can I stay some more? 我可以留在这里吗
This could cost me my job. 这可能会让我失去工作
But I have a plan. 但我有一个计划
Plan!? 计划
Great, I love a plan. 太棒了 我爱计划
Tell me what it is, boss. Let's do it. 告诉我是什么吧老板 咱们来实现它
I got a project coming up, 我即将有一个新项目
we’re filming the "Ayi Chronicles." 我们准备拍一部“阿姨编年史”
We take GoPros, put them on ayis 我们把GoPro放在阿姨身上
and film their shenanigans! 并拍摄她们的生活
I can finagle this if you come on board as my assistant. 如果你加入的话我可以让你作为我的助手
It's the job I was born to do! 这生来就是做这个工作的料啊
What do you need? 你需要什么
Shoulder rubs? 肩膀按摩师吗
Coffee runs? 还是买咖啡
Want me to sleep test these chairs for you? 还是为你试椅子睡的舒不舒服吗
What's up? 说吧是什么
This is real work! 这是个真的项目
I'm talking up at 7am. 我说的是要早上7点开始工作
Working till late. 到很晚
Spending time finding props. 花很多时间寻找道具
Tomorrow, 明天
We're taking 6 ayis to Pudong 我们要带6个阿姨到浦东
for an ebike jousting tournament. 进行一个电动车的骑士比赛
How deep into Pudong? 浦东的哪里
Pretty deep! 很远很远的浦东
This is the opportunity of a lifetime, Matthew. 这是一次难得的机会 Matthew
You can go from our worst performer 你可以从我们最差的员工
to a star overnight. 过渡到我们最好的员工
Are you ready to take the challenge? 你愿意接受挑战吗
I'll still get paid the same? 我还会得到同样的报酬吗
Exactly the same. 完全相同的
One Starbucks voucher every fortnight. 每两周一张星巴克优惠券
Can I work from home? 我可以在家工作吗
If you can handle a living room full of 如果你可以处理好客厅全是
boom mics and wrestling ayis. 拍摄器材和摔跤的阿姨们的话
And you guarantee you won’t fire me? 你保证你不会解雇我
You have my word? 我向你保证
Nah, screw it. 算了吧
I'm just going to go sleep on Jorge's sofa. 我还是住Jorge家的沙发好了
Wow 喔
You are a master at firing people. 你真的很会解雇人
What can I say? 我能说什么呢
Some people just need 有些人只是需要
a helping hand to give up their payout. 帮助放弃他们的遣散费
Now, 现在
send in the next dead man walking. 把下一个傻瓜叫进来吧
My man Andy, what can I do for you? 我亲爱的Andy 我能为你做点什么