- I like to say two things when I get started.
First things first, I'm transgender.
That's right.
And if you can't tell me the pills are working
and I'm getting my money's worth, you understand?
(crowd exclaims)
This shit ain't cheap.
Second thing though, I don't like the word tranny.
No, I don't like the word tranny.
You see it's a porn term.
White friends,
You wouldn't introduce your black friend Keisha as
your Ebony friend Keisha, would you?
(crowd laughs)
That's right.
You'd be telling on yourself and shit.
No, I don't like the word tranny.
You see, I much prefer build a bitch.
I'm a build a bitch.
(crowd laughs)
'Cause I get to put my parts together, you know what I mean?
Every time I say I'm transgender never fails on stage,
I feel my crotch get hot, people get to staring
at my crotch area, trying to see if they can find a print.
But I'm Houdini with the dick.
You're not gonna find a dick.
You understand?
My guy friend's always asking me dumb questions.
Say Foxx, how do you tuck it?
I give him a dumb answer 'cause I hate that question.
I say easy.
What I do is I tie this (beep) to a brick.
I throw it through my legs real hard.
Let it come over my shoulder and click it like a seatbelt.
(crowd laughs)
That's right.
Fellas, you got nothing to worry about fellas.
Men always get tense when I say I'm transgender.
I don't like dick.
That's right.
I hate dick so much.
Might get rid of my own shit.
Still in debate.
(light laughter)
No, I'm kidding.
I hate dick though.
Not for lack of trying though.
'Cause you know,
not for lack of trying.
So when I was young and shit, you know
I was effeminate, you know?
'Cause I'm assigned male at birth.
I tell you people, you know.
But I'm beautiful and shit so it don't matter.
You know what I mean?
Thank you.
(audience cheers)
Thank you.
Pronoun. She her hers and shit.
You know.
But people call you things and when you growing up
and you're effeminate, you know?
And I looking back
on my old self when I was a kid I was a bit fagoty.
You know what I mean?
(light laughter)
So I tried it.
You know I sucked the dick.
I did.
I sucked the dick in my life.
I sucked one dick in my life.
I sucked two dicks.
Listen, I sucked two dicks.
(audience laughs)
All right.
I sucked three dicks.
Listen, I only sucked three dicks in my life.
I couldn't get with it though.
I think it was a small dick, you know
kept getting lost in my mouth like a Jolly Rancher.
You know what I mean?
Like ladies, you know when you're out in the club?
And you had one too many drinks
trying to find a stroller in a cocktail?
Just--
(audience laughs)
Can't quite get your tongue on that (beep).
You know what I mean?
Then you gotta make noise for this (beep).
Too many theatrics. You know?
Men need you to do all kinds of noises and shit.
Yeah, yeah.
You know all that shit here.
(audience laughs)
Can't (beep) with it.
It's not for me.
That's the weird thing about being transgender though.
You know?
Because my identity is politicized.
Even though I'm not myself.
That political.
That's right.
I'm pretty neutral, my damn self.
You know what I mean?
I'm mind my business 'cause I'm from Philly
where you get shot if you don't.
(audience exclaims)
That's right.
This shit's crazy.
And I used to be a bit of a political
like conspiracy theorist, you know what I mean?
Like it took me up
until recently to realize that I was full of shit.
(audience laughs)
People used to ask me did I vote and shit.
Did you vote?
I say it's rigged.
They say it's not rigged.
I say it's rigged, it's rigged like a
like a highway rest stop.
It's big-rigged
Like a two month old quick weave after a hot shower.
It's big rigged like my dicks in a dress (beep).
It's rigged, it's rigged.
(audience laughs)
You understand?
Couldn't (beep) with it.
Then I got wise and shit.
I was playing the lottery one day.
I said, damn I believe in this shit,
but I don't believe in voting.
Ain't that a bitch?
(crowd laughs)
I'm dumb as hell.
I'm gonna go to the polls. (laughs)
Gotta get old and get your shit together.
You know?
Like I said, I'm from the east coast.
Anybody in here from the east coast make some noise?
Yeah, yeah.
(crowd cheers)
There you go baby.
I'm from (beep)
Really I'm from New Jersey.
But when you from Camden, New Jersey like myself.
One person in here, one person?
There you go.
One in the back and shit.
If they riot we're (beep) you know that?
(crowd laughs)
But I'm from Camden, New Jersey.
It's like right over the bridge.
It's Philadelphia.
It's 15 minutes.
So really you from both
you know you party in Philly, you live in Jersey.
It's a nice situation, you know?
Unless you're getting shot at then it's horrible.
(crowd laughs)
But my dad, you know I'm half Italian
on my father's side and shit.
You know only the good half and shit,
what they make you say.
You know what I mean?
And my dad's a...
I got a fat (beep) father.
Anybody else got a fat father in here?
Everybody else dad on keto and shit?
(crowd laughs)
Everybody quiet.
My dad's so fat.
When he sees his favorite food
he wiggles his fingers like "Ooh donuts!"
(crowd laughs)
That's right.
My dad's a criminal too.
No, my dad's a ex-criminal.
I used to visit my dad
in the federal prison when I was a kid.
That's right.
Ooh and shit.
Yeah, everybody always gets quiet for that part and shit.
I ask my dad, I say, "Hey dad, what'd you do and shit?"
'Cause when I was a kid
you know when you were a kid they lied to you.
They tell you some, some bullshit you know?
So that you sleep good at night and shit.
Right along with Santa Claus, you know.
Your father got in a high speed chase and Santa Claus
will be here in 15 minutes with the presents.
You know what I mean?
(crowd laughs)
Called my dad.
I say, "Hey dad, I did some research.
I found out you was in a Supermax."
What'd you do (beep)?
My dad said, "Oh yeah, no, I shot four people."
"Shot four people?"
It's crazy.
I can't live up to no shit like that,
I'm an only child.
It's the only way I can shoot four people is
if they line up in a row.
(crowd laughs)
Shit. I told my dad, I said,
"Hey dad, I wanna tell you something."
My dad said, what?
I said, I'm transgender.
My dad said (beep)
what's that gonna make me look like and shit?
Right? Hurt my feelings.
I looked up at him.
I said, "Overweight, you fat (beep)!"
(crowd laughs)
How you been looking (beep)?
Heavy set.
(crowd laughs)
It's crazy.
My mother's a different story though.
My mom's a different story.
My mother's a soft spoken woman.
You see I was raised Jehovah's Witness.
That's right.
Ooh and shit!
Yeah. And now that I have you all here,
bring me my Watchtower and Awake!
(crowd laughs)
(laughs) Tell y'all about the good news!
No, the good news is I'm not in that shit no more.
(laughs) That's the good news (beep),
I get Christmas.
Shit.
Birthdays, all that shit.
I'm eating cake, (beep).
I'm not thin myself.
So if you hate on them fat jokes and shit,
you think I'm fat phobic, (beep)?
I gotta look in the mirror when I take this shit off.
You understand?
Oh man.
I told my mom, I said "Hey I want to tell you something."
She said "What?"
I said, "I'm transgender."
My mother looked at me.
She said, "We didn't have have that when I was a kid."
I said, what the (beep)?
Like it's a flavor and shit.
(crowd laughs)
I said, yes they did.
They just weren't coming and talking about this shit.
You know? It was private like now Dino,
people back then was getting ball gagged
and butt (beep) in the back room somewhere.
But they weren't coming and talking about this shit.
You know?
(audience exclaims)
Nowadays, they march with the shit on.
You been at a pride parade.
You seen the (beep) with the leathers on and shit!
I live in LA.
I went out there one year.
I seen my friend.
I said, "Oh shit, there go Rick."
I ain't know Rick was in BDSM.
I called out to him.
I said, "Yo Rick, I see you at the club on Tuesday."
Rick looked back at me, said "Boo boo boo."
Cause he had this shit in his mouth.
You--
(crowd laughs)
Shit. It's crazy man.
I like women.
That's right.
One person.
Hey, thank you.
Appreciate it.
I'm doing all right too.
(beep) y'all. Yeah.
'Cause I'm (beep) sexy.
I'm a different type of swaggy in this (beep), you know?
(audience exclaims)
Yeah. Hey, thank you.
Yeah, I know I'm hot (beep).
Sometimes when the wifi go out I get naked
and (beep) to myself.
(crowd laughs)
You understand?
(laughs) Be in the mirror like I got a fat ass.
Oh shit!
That's right. I date women and shit.
Hard to be an honorary lesbian though.
You know when you got to earn your way in and shit.
'Cause you know when you trans
they don't just give it to you and shit.
You gotta get your membership.
(beep) gotta vouch for you.
You know.
It's like getting Soho house and shit.
(crowd laughs)
(beep) gotta write you a letter.
You know, had to eat so much (beep),
it was like I was trying to send off
for a Dakota ring with box tops and shit.
It was, that's right.
Eat (beep) like it's breakfast.
I don't give a (beep).
You know what I mean?
Yeah. I eat (beep) for no reason.
Oh yeah, okay.
(crowd laughs)
You too. Huh?
Is this your lady right here?
Yes. Yeah, I could tell.
She's smiling like shit.
(crowd laughs)
She's levitating off the seat.
Is he telling the truth?
Yeah?
(crowd laughs)
All right.
(crowd cheers)
I'm gonna write a letter.
See if I can't get you in (beep)!
I hope you wash your face often.
You got a long beard and shit.
Like to keep the essence on and shit.
Remind yourself of her when you go on long trips.
Mm! (laughs)
Oh man. That's right.
Shit is crazy though man.
I got a fetish.
Anybody else got a fetish?
Don't answer.
(crowd laughs)
Anybody else got a fetish?
Please search history out right now.
Let me see your phone!
No? Alright.
I got a fetish man.
If I tell y'all my fetish, you can't tell nobody though.
All right?
All right, cool. (laughs)
Ah man, it's my fetish.
I like to (beep) guys' girlfriends.
That's my whole thing.
(audience exclaims)
That's right.
I like to (beep) (beep) bitches.
That's my whole thing.
I swear to God.
'Cause I'm the worst type of person to (beep)
your girlfriend.
'Cause I could do something that nobody else could do.
I make your bitch my best friend.
(crowd laughs)
That's right.
She be giving you all types of reasons to hit this shit.
Me and Foxx have a tennis date on Wednesday and shit.
That's what we call cheating, tennis and shit.
You should leave a crib and go hang out with your friends
and shit?
Go play golf, my man in a red shirt?
You look like you a golfer.
A Frisbee and some of that shit.
Extreme Frisbee playing, (beep)?
(crowd laughs)
Go out with your friends and shit?
Think I'm gonna have a good day with the fellas.
You come back and the house sound like (screaming)?
That's what I call playing tennis. (laughs)
Oh shit!
I have beautiful friends.
I have some beautiful, beautiful female friends
that I love very much 'cause they trust me.
You know what I mean?
They trust me with advice and shit.
Girlfriend hit me up the other day
said "Foxx, I need to talk to somebody."
I said, "What's up?"
She said, "I just, I need to talk to somebody.
Let's go out for drinks."
I said, you know, "I don't wanna go out for drinks.
I've been trying to live clean and shit.
Plus I feel like drinking makes you a little too vulnerable.
Let's go out for ice cream."
She said, "Sure, let's do it."
So we go out for ice cream.
We're sitting there
and she says to me, "I cook, I clean, I do everything.
He just won't eat my (beep)."
I said, for real?
(crowd laughs)
That's crazy.
(crowd laughs)
(jingle plays)