>> SIDE EFFECTS MAY INCLUDE.
ALL RIGHT, IS ANYONE HERE THINKING OF HOSTING A CBS LATE
NIGHT SHOW?
IF YOU ARE THINKING OF HOSTING-- THIS DOESN'T FEEL LIKE
THE MOST RELATABLE TOPIC.
THIS DOESN'T FEEL LIKE A TOPIC THAT OUR AUDIENCE ARE GOING TO
BE LIKE OH, YEAH, I CAN COMPLETELY RELATE TO WHAT THAT
FEELS LOOK.
IT FEELS A LITTLE NICE.
SORT OF DIFFICULT TO.
>> I CAN RELATE TO IT, JAMES.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) WHAT?
WHAT?
STEPHEN KOL BURT, THE HOST OF THE LATE SHOW.
>> HOW ARE YOU.
>> James: WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
>> Senor GOOD TO SEE-- GOOD TO SIGH, JAMES.
>> James: WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE
GETTING READY TO HOST THE EMMYS ON SUNDAY.
>> YES, BUT IT'S NOT OFTEN THAT WE, CBS LATE NIGHT HOSTS HAVE
COMEDY SPECIFICALLY TAIL ERRED TO US.
I HEARD YOU WERE DOING.
THIS I SAID TO HELL WITH THE EMMYS, I GOT TO SEE THIS FOR
MYSELF.
I'VE 'S ACTUALLY GOT SOME SIDE EFFECTS OF BEING A CBS LATE
NIGHT HOST OF MY OWN RIGHT HERE.
>> James: YOU DO, WELL, WHY DON'T-- DO YOU WANT TO COME UP
AND JOIN ME.
>> SHOULD I.
>> James: WHY DON'T YOU COME UP AND SWRIN ME.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) >> THERE YOU GO.
HERE WE ARE.
THERE WE GO.
LOOK AT THIS.
THIS IS NICE.
>> THIS IS REALLY NICE.
>> James: THIS IS, I FEEL LIKE WE'RE DOING THE NEWS.
>> YEAH, I KNOW THE FEELING.
ALL RIGHT.
>> James: ALL RIGHT, SO YOU HAVE SOME OF YOUR OWN.
>> HAVE I SOME OF MY OWN, DO YOU START.
>> James: WE'LL SAY, IS ANYONE HERE THINKING OF HOSTING A CBS
LATE NIGHT SHOW?
YES, WELL IF, IF YOU ARE THINKING OF HOSTING A CBS LATE
NIE SHOW YOU KNOWED KNOW THERE ARE SIDE EFFECTS AND THOSE SIDE
AFFECTS MAY INCLUDE NO MATTER HOW MANY WRITERS YOU HAVE
WORKING FOR YOU, NONE OF THEM ARE ABLE TO THINK OF A CATCH
PHRASE ANYWHERE NEAR AS GOOD AS BATZ INGA.
>> ONCE YOU YEAR YOU ARE CONTRACT ALLLY ONLY TBAITED TO
PLAY A CORPS ON ONE OF THE NCIS SHOWS.
, YEAH.
>> James: KNOWING THAT IF YOUR SHOW ET GOES DELAYED LONG ENOUGH
BECAUSE OF FOOTBALL GAMES T JUST TURNS INTO A MORNING SHOW.
>> HAVING LL COOL J'S PERSONAL PHONE NUMBER.
>> James: YEAH, HAVING TO TELL PEOPLE IF THEY MISSED YOUR SHOW
THEY CAN WATCH IT IN FULL ON CBS ALL ACCESS AS IF THIS THAT IS A
VIABLE OPTION.
>> AND THE FINAL SIDE AFFECT OF HOST A CBS LATE NIGHT SHOW IS
OVER TWO YEARS IN, STILL NOT BEING TOTALLY SURE WHAT CBS
STANDS FOR.
(APPLAUSE).
>> James: WHAT IS IT?
IS IT-- IS IT THE.
>> IT'S COOL BROADCASTING SYSTEM, THE LADIES LOVE COOL
BROADCASTING SYSTEM.
>> James: COOL BROADCASTING SYSTEM.
>> EXACTLY.
>> James: IS IT CENTRAL BROADCASTING.
>> ST COLUME BACK THE COLUMBIA BROADCASTING SYSTEM.
>> James: COLUMBIA BROADCASTING SYSTEM, LOOK AT,
THAT YOU LEARN SOMETHING NEW EVERY DAY.
>> NOT NEW.
>> James: IS ANYONE HERE, ANYONE HERE THINKING OF HOSTING
AN AWARD SHOW?
OH, YEAH, THERE YOU GO.
>> YES.
>> James: WELL, IF YOU ARE THINKING OF HOSTING AN AWARDS
SHOW YOU SHOULD KNOW THERE ARE SIDE AFFECTS AND THOSIFIED
AFFECTEDS MAY INCLUDE, ONLY AGREEING TO HOST THE AWARD SHOW
BECAUSE ARE YOU TRYING TO IMPRESS NEIL PATRICK HARRIS.
>> SO TALENTED.
>> AMAZING, MULTIPELL THREAT.
RUNNING INTO DWAYNE THE ROCK JOHNSON AND HAVING TO PRETEND
YOU WATCHED BALLERS.
WHICH I DO.
I WATCHED-- I NEVER MISS IT.
>> James: WHO DOESN'T WATCH BALLERS.
>> AMAZING, A SHOW FOR THE PEOPLE WZ THERE IS THE WRONG AND
THEN THE BALLERS.
>> THEY HAVE THE BALLS.
>> James: I LOVE THE SCENE WITH ROCK.
>> OH, AND THE PEOPLE,.
>> James: THE BALLERS.
>> AND THEY WEAR THE-- .
>> James: HE WAS WEARING THE JACKET.
>> AND THE TIE.
>> James: YEAH, AND THEN WHAT ABOUT THAT SCENE.
>> THAT WAS A CLIFF HANGER, THAT WAS A SEASON ENDER.
>> James: AND THERE WAS THE ROCK.
>> RIGHT.
>> James: AND ALL THE BALLERS.
>> YEAH.
>> James: I LOVED IT, I LOVED IT, I LOVED IT.
>> YEAH, HAVING TO CONTINUE HOSTING THE SHOW AFTER LOSING
THE CATEGORY WERE YOU NOMINATED FOR.
>> AND BY THE WAY CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR EMMY
LAST WEEK.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) YEAH, YEAH.
UH-HUH.
YEAH.
RIGHT THERE.
YOU KNOW WHAT, YOU KNOW WHAT, WE WERE NOMINATED AGAINST YOU FOR
OUR ELECTION NIGHT SHOW AND I AM SO GLAD YOU WON.
AN I WILL SAY THAT TO ANY-- I WILL SAY IT TO ANY OF THE
MEMBERS OF BALLERS THAT I'M GLAD THAT YOU WON.
OKAY.
WHAT ELSE, SIDE EFFECTS-- HAVING TO AVOID-- HAVING TO AVOID JON
HAMM.
HE KNOWS WHY.
>> James: EVERY TIME YOU OPEN AN ENVELOPE THINKING WHAT WOULD
THEY DO IF I JUST SAID MY OWN NAME RIGHT NOW.
>> AND THE FINAL SIDE AFFECT OF HOSTING AN AWARD SHOW IS
SERIOUSLY AVOIDING JON HAMM.
HE KNOWS WHY.
>> James: HE KNOWS WHY.
>> AND FINALLY, IS THERE ANYONE HERE THINKING OF TALKING TO
CELEBRITIES EVERY NIGHT.
>> James: ANYONE?
ANYONE?
(APPLAUSE) >> WELL, IF YOU ARE THINKING OF
TALKING TO CELEBRITIES EVERY NIGHT YOU SHOULD KNOW THERE ARE
SIDE EFFECTS AND THOSE SIDE EFFECTS MAY INCLUDE TRYING TO
GET OUT OF AN ARGUMENT WITH YOUR WIFE BY THROWING TO A CLIP.
(LAUGHTER).
>> James: DOESN'T WORK.
OUT OF SHEER HABIT TELLING THE VAL AYE WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK
AFTER THIS WHEN YOU ARE GIVING YOUR KEYS.
>> ANNOYING YOUR FAMILY WHEN YOU WATCH A MOVIE TOGETHER BY
CONSTANTLY BLURTING OUT THIS GUY'S A HOOT IN REAL LIFE.
>> James: I LOVE THIS I GOO, YOU HAVE MET THIS GUY, YOU
SHOULD MEET THIS GUY.
>> JAMES FRANCO.
>> James: WHAT A GUY.
>> SUCH A GOOD GUY, WONDERFUL.
>> James: GREAT GUY.
>> WHEN HE'S HIGH, SO NICE.
>> James: OH, GREAT GUY.
YOU WANT TO MEET A HIGH FRANCO, GREAT GUY, GREAT GUY.
DEFENDING YOUR PREMATURE EJACULATION TO YOUR WIFE BY
SAYING SORRY, WE RAN OUT OF TIME.
(LAUGHTER) >> NEVER KNOWING--
(APPLAUSE) >> PREMATURE EJACULATION JUST
GOT APPLAUSE.
(LAUGHTER) >> NEVER KNOWING-- .
>> James: IF OFTEN DOES.
>> NEVER KNOWING WHAT CHRIS PRATT JUST SAID BECAUSE YOU KEEP
GETTING LOST IN HIS EYES EXTRAORDINARY.
>> James: AND DO YOU.
>> AMAZING.
(LAUGHTER).
>> James: RUNNING INTO BEN KINGLEY AT A RESTAURANT AND WHEN
YOU TELL HIM YOU WOULD LOVE HIM TO COME ON YOUR SHOW ONE DAY HE
REPLIES, I'VE BEEN ON YOUR SHOW-- TWICE.
>> THAT TRUE STORY.
>> ACTUALLY A TRUE STORY.
>> AND THE FINAL SIDE EFFECT OF TALKING TO CELEBRITIES EVERY
NIGHT IS REALLY HOPING THAT NO ONE TALLIES UP THE LENGTH OF
EVERY MOVIE AND TV SHOW YOU'VE TOLD GUESTS THAT YOU LOVE
BECAUSE IT WOULD ADD UP TO MORE HOURS THAN YOU HAVE BEEN ALIVE.
>> James: THAT IS SIDE EFFECTS, WITH STEPHEN COLBERT.
HOSTING THE EMMY A WARRING THIS SUNDAY ON 8 EASTERN ON CBS.
COME ON BACK, EVERYBODY.