Mary: Thursday's video was no talking, only pretty pictures.
Today, it's the opposite. Today's wall to wall talking.
Well, I'll probably stick a picture two in like this one.
And this one. And this one. You've probably seen some
version of this quote before, there are dozens there might be
hundreds of memes that feature it. It's usually some grand
pretty scene with the text superimposed on top. Sometimes
the quote goes uncredited, but usually it's credited to Toni
Morrison, and rightfully so because it did originate with
Toni Morrison. But it's not actually what she said. Why does
that matter? Why does it have to be exactly what she said? Well,
I'm gonna tell you right after this little theme song plays.
So, if you want to fly, you have to give up the things that weigh
you down. It's, it's a good quote, it speaks to the nomadic
experience, right? Because for a lot of us, you know, looking to
leave sticks and bricks and go to mobile life, we have a lot of
things weighing us down. But like I said, that's not the real
quote. The line is from Song of Solomon, which is a novel by
Toni Morrison. It's a book that blends fantasy and reality in
magical ways. It's full of allegory and symbolism. And the
line that we're talking about comes as two characters are
watching this white peacock on the hood of a car, it spreads
its tail feathers, it's putting on this big display. Even though
it's white, you know, it's stripped of the brilliant color
that you usually expect from a peacock. On the surface, the
line is about how even though it has wings, the peacock can't get
airborne, because of its massive showy tail feathers. What the
character of Guitar actually says in the book is, "Can't
nobody fly with all that shit. Want to fly, you got to give up
the shit that weighs you down." That's the real quote. And I'm
not complaining that the quote's gotten cleaned up. I mean, it
makes sense, you know, more polite words look better on a
pretty picture that you can post to your Facebook profile. Some
people get turned off by what we call four letter words. And we
don't want to push people away, you know, so it's changed a
little bit. But there's a lot of sanitizing that goes on in our
world, both in terms of "This is how nomad life is" and just, you
know, life in general. We want things to be neat and tidy and
perfect. And I get that impulse, I really do. I'm not here to
complain about, you know, the Instagram perfect versions of
bus life and van life out there. I get it. Not everybody wants to
share their dark, their dark things, the realities of life,
the fact that they have ups and downs, and all that with the
whole world. So they save their social media posts for the days
when it all looks great. But what I'm talking about goes
deeper than that. It's the ways we sanitize things, even to
ourselves. We don't really want to look at the shit that weighs
us down sometimes, you know, and I'm using that word, that
potentially offensive word even though I might push some of you
guys away. Because it conveys how truly messy this whole
process is. It's unsanitary and it's urgent. Maybe you're at the
point where you are actually literally weighed down by
things, you know? You're still in sticks and bricks, you have
too much stuff, you have to sort through it and get rid of most
of it and so that you can become mobile so you can hit the road,
live out your nomad dreams so that you can fly. And that's a
tough place to be in, that place where you are literally
shedding, you know, saying goodbye to possessions. Because
our possessions, the things we choose to surround ourselves
with, are part of how we define who we are. There's a reason
they're called belongings and I don't think that's just because
they belong to us, but because on some level we belong to them,
too, and they show us where we belong. For me, I've done that
part. I'm past the point where things are the issue, I've
downsized enough that my life fits in the 75 square feet, that
is my bus home, except for a few items that are leftover from
when I was selling antiques and one single small suitcase of
personal belongings and papers that I can't really get rid of.
Other than that, I've created a life that fits physically within
the confines of my available space. So that's good. But there
is so much more than that weighing me down. The peacock in
Song of Solomon, that white peacock it's a symbol. It's a
metaphor for the main character in the book. His name is
Milkman, it's for all the things that weigh him down, things like
materialistic values, other people's expectations, his own
regrets and resentments, his old ideas, the feeling that he is
never going to change, that he's not capable of change. That's
the shit that weighs him down. And that is also the shit that
weighs me down. Strip away all the things, the stuff, get in
that van that you've been pining for, and just go. And then once
you do, and I think if you've made that transition already,
you'll probably agree with me, once you've shed all those
things, that's when the real work begins. Something about
being on your own, or even if you're not on your own, you
know, if you're in a caravan, you're traveling with others.
But when you're without those things that help to define you,
something about that puts you face to face with all the other
shit that lives inside your brain. Because once you strip
away the stuff, the things, life continues to happen, and when it
does, we react. And there's so much less distraction available,
that when we react, we really have no choice but to see who we
are. Some of that is beautiful, you know, you can see our, your
resilience, your strength, your ability to overcome, but some of
it is ugly, our self limitations, the judgment that
we heap on other people and on the world, our stuckness, the
places where we just refuse to grow. M aterial things,
responsibilities, the expectations of others, the
unfairness of life, all those things make great excuses for
standing still. So you would think that when they were gone,
we would just be growing machines, you know, always
moving forward, once we're free of all that, but that has not
been my experience. Not right off the bat anyway. I've had to
take some hard looks at the shit I am still carrying around. I'm
dealing with a lot of medical stuff right now. I'm getting to
the bottom of some chronic issues, addressing some problems
that I've really just had my head in the sand about for, for
quite a while and I'm having to learn so many things. The
biggest one, the hardest one for me has been how to advocate for
myself, and at the same time, take the chip off my shoulder.
You know, I've learned, I've had to learn to walk into my medical
appointments with the idea that this person sitting across from
me is here to help, you know? That this person deserves my
kindness, my patience and my respect, even when in the past -
and sometimes even in the present - they have not given me
those things. Because if I want to be the person I think I'm
meant to be I have to live the values of that person. Whether
that's fair or not. Captain's also got some health issues. And
that is very scary for me. It brings up the biggest fears I
have. Fear that I've failed him, fear of the pain I'm going to go
through someday when he leaves me, fear of how much it's going
to cost along the way. Fear that someday, this creature that I
love so much is gonna be gone. And that, hopefully a lot later,
that I will be gone too and fear that I'm not gonna leave
anything behind, that I won't have a legacy. Fear that once
I'm gone, I'm just gonna be gone, you know that there's not
gonna be anything left of me. And I know this is getting
heavy. It's a little too heavy for a casual Sunday afternoon
chat, but I am moving through it. I'm taking a deep look at
the shit that weighs me down because that's the only way I
know how to go through it. And that is messy. It's not polite.
It doesn't fit well on a meme. You can't slap on "good vibes
only" sticker on it. But I really want to fly. And no
matter what anybody says, I, personally, I can't just
manifest that. It doesn't happen through magical thinking. If it
does for you, great. But for me, that happens through hard work.
What I'm saying is, life is going to be beautiful for you
when you get out on the road, but it's still going to be life.
Shit still happens. And in many ways it's going to be life
amplified, life in your face. But that's part of it. That's,
whether you even know it or not, that's WHY you want to do this.
Because can't nobody fly with all that shit. You wanna fly,
you got to get rid of the shit that weighs you down. That's my
thought for today. Here's the one without the words. You might
need that right about now, after all this talking. So check it
out. And I'll see you next time. Maybe I'll try to combine you
know, talking and not talking in the next one. I don't know.
Anyway, thanks for listening.